So......he's made it to a week
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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So......he's made it to a week
My A/partner/boyfriend/fiance whatever he is these days hasn't had a drink for a week and has been at a noon AA meeting every day.
Bar waking him up (one shout) one morning when I knew he'd been awake lots during the night I truly am taking nothing to do with it.
I know he's suffering. He is physically quite ill, especially in the evenings. I can tell from the restlessness he has periods of "white knuckling" but they seem to pass. Apart from anything else he has lost his job and that will have massive financial implications and is bound to play on him.
Do I think "this is it?" I have absolutely no idea.
He has been dry drunk for a week or so a couple of times in the last few months. For all I know I could be posting tomorrow that he is drinking. The only difference this time is that it was all his own idea and he is going to AA(which incidentally he says he doesn't like or feel comfortable at but he is going)
Enough him....me, me, me
Right now it changes nothing. Next years wedding is still off. I'm trying really hard to keep doing my AlAnon "stuff" and keep sorting out my side of the street. Truth be told a bit boring (maybe flat,nothingy rather than boring) because we are not fighting but nor are we planning, happy,projecting..whatever.
He hasn't done anything yet about looking for a job or unemployment or anything but he knows that's up to him (it's going to get interesting) and I believe that, for now, his focus is on functioning without alcohol.
If anything I think I am now more resolved to the fact that I don't want to be with him if he is drinking.
Please don't think I'm thinking its rainbows and unicorns after a week but nor am I "waiting for the other shoe to drop" the way I used to. Its more..."let go and let God"...."one day at a time"....ke sera sera......"shrugs"
Bar waking him up (one shout) one morning when I knew he'd been awake lots during the night I truly am taking nothing to do with it.
I know he's suffering. He is physically quite ill, especially in the evenings. I can tell from the restlessness he has periods of "white knuckling" but they seem to pass. Apart from anything else he has lost his job and that will have massive financial implications and is bound to play on him.
Do I think "this is it?" I have absolutely no idea.
He has been dry drunk for a week or so a couple of times in the last few months. For all I know I could be posting tomorrow that he is drinking. The only difference this time is that it was all his own idea and he is going to AA(which incidentally he says he doesn't like or feel comfortable at but he is going)
Enough him....me, me, me
Right now it changes nothing. Next years wedding is still off. I'm trying really hard to keep doing my AlAnon "stuff" and keep sorting out my side of the street. Truth be told a bit boring (maybe flat,nothingy rather than boring) because we are not fighting but nor are we planning, happy,projecting..whatever.
He hasn't done anything yet about looking for a job or unemployment or anything but he knows that's up to him (it's going to get interesting) and I believe that, for now, his focus is on functioning without alcohol.
If anything I think I am now more resolved to the fact that I don't want to be with him if he is drinking.
Please don't think I'm thinking its rainbows and unicorns after a week but nor am I "waiting for the other shoe to drop" the way I used to. Its more..."let go and let God"...."one day at a time"....ke sera sera......"shrugs"
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Boring can be beautiful.
To Boring!
and btw, "Que Sera, Sera" should probably be an Alanon slogan, huh?
Love it.
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One thing I hear AA folks who wander over to Alanon say -- Boring drives them right over the edge.
So maybe do a Tin Pan Drum routine in the middle of the kitchen during the middle of the night. Or go streaking through the house and put a butt print on the bathroom mirror.
Pretty harmless and fun for you.
Might as well be us that get to have the fun and laughs every now and then.
To Boring!
and btw, "Que Sera, Sera" should probably be an Alanon slogan, huh?
Love it.
========
One thing I hear AA folks who wander over to Alanon say -- Boring drives them right over the edge.
So maybe do a Tin Pan Drum routine in the middle of the kitchen during the middle of the night. Or go streaking through the house and put a butt print on the bathroom mirror.
Pretty harmless and fun for you.
Might as well be us that get to have the fun and laughs every now and then.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Great job dealing with this!!! You're right...there is no way to tell one week in how it's going to go. I give him credit for going to AA every day and trying. It may take him some time to surrender and realize he's "one of them". But it is his path, his recovery. Time will tell how he does. In the meantime, you've realized your focus is on you. In the early days of my RABF's recovery, those simple AlAnon slogans helped a lot. Also, the Serenity prayer. The path ahead for the two of you won't be easy, but as long as you work on YOUR recovery you'll be fine no matter what choice he makes.
I truly wish you both the best.
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Originally Posted by jessicajoe 
Right now it changes nothing. Next years wedding is still off. I'm trying really hard to keep doing my AlAnon "stuff" and keep sorting out my side of the street. Truth be told a bit boring (maybe flat,nothingy rather than boring) because we are not fighting but nor are we planning, happy,projecting..whatever.
It was never boring with my relationship with the loved one that got me here.....
I did not realize it at the time, but that was part of my problem (life is okay without all the drama, and it does not have to be boring), and I have come to realize that my relationship reminded me of my childhood and that was part of how it did.
That part was on me, in terms of resolving it.
Keep up the good work.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
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I second Recovering2. You are doing a marvelous job handling all of this! Tomorrow he could relapse, or tomorrow could be 1 week and 1 day sober. You won't know til tomorrow comes and there's no sense in worrying about it today.
It wasn't long ago that my RAH had 1 week under his belt. Now it's 3 months! Things were a little rough in the very beginning, but day by day, they're getting so much better. I hope it gets better for you too.
It wasn't long ago that my RAH had 1 week under his belt. Now it's 3 months! Things were a little rough in the very beginning, but day by day, they're getting so much better. I hope it gets better for you too.
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Thank you friends for the support and good wishes.
He did a second, evening meeting yesterday because someone asked for support at a new meeting.
It feels like I'm being tempted into being hopeful rather than resilient.
Last night I felt a bit overwhelmed by everything (not just him, everything )and lay on the bed and read instead of ironing and wrapping Christmas presents and doing the 101 other things I should have been doing. He joked that I "needed a meeting" (meaning AlAnon) and two things struck me. It was a flash of how we used to be when there was lots of lighthearted chat and joking between us and it would be so easy to fall into thinking "maybe everything is going to be okay" when it has only been a week. The second thing was that, joking or not, he was quite right !
Hammer.... I'm a little over five foot. I can't see much below my chin in the bathroom mirror. Your suggestion presents a challenge to ponder.
He did a second, evening meeting yesterday because someone asked for support at a new meeting.
It feels like I'm being tempted into being hopeful rather than resilient.
Last night I felt a bit overwhelmed by everything (not just him, everything )and lay on the bed and read instead of ironing and wrapping Christmas presents and doing the 101 other things I should have been doing. He joked that I "needed a meeting" (meaning AlAnon) and two things struck me. It was a flash of how we used to be when there was lots of lighthearted chat and joking between us and it would be so easy to fall into thinking "maybe everything is going to be okay" when it has only been a week. The second thing was that, joking or not, he was quite right !
Hammer.... I'm a little over five foot. I can't see much below my chin in the bathroom mirror. Your suggestion presents a challenge to ponder.
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Jessica---what is "ironing"??
Ironing is the bane of my life but my mother was an ironer and I don't feel properly dressed if I'm not ironed.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Jessica---what is "ironing"?? i have seen that word mentioned, sometimes--but, never really knew what it meant........? Is it something on facebook?
dandylion
dandylion
to look better in their clothes but I have never tried it. . .
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Originally Posted by jessicajoe
Hammer.... I'm a little over five foot. I can't see much below my chin in the bathroom mirror. Your suggestion presents a challenge to ponder.
Anything potty-humored is considered an instant winner.
dunno how to really do that. Suppose I could ask the kids when they get home tonight?
Maybe if you did a hand-stand on the bathroom sink . . . . hmmm.
. . . . great. this is what I am going be thinking about during today's Alanoon meeting.
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Can't believe I'm really wondering if my bathroom mirror lifts off the wall.
Hammer.... we call it "scat chat" (from scatalogical)
Many years ago when I was getting married in another life my father stood up to give his speech and said "my daughter made me promise there would be no toilet humor" he then pulled a roll of toilet tissue from his pocket and let it unravel.... and read his speech from it !
Hammer.... we call it "scat chat" (from scatalogical)
Many years ago when I was getting married in another life my father stood up to give his speech and said "my daughter made me promise there would be no toilet humor" he then pulled a roll of toilet tissue from his pocket and let it unravel.... and read his speech from it !
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