Who's gonna crack first...
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Who's gonna crack first...
Hello saine people, I sit here at my house, I just got home. It's my sons birthday today, he's 15, I can't believe it. A good son.
Today was long, took my oldest AD to the Methadone clinic, paid her weekly $105 for her 50mg/day of Methadone. I'm gettin real tired of paying this weekly. So we go do that, then go to the Dermatologist for her then to the bank to replace a debit card the 2 ADs took to buy themselves shoes. Then off to the mall, what a mistake, the girl of mine thinks she's entitled. We shop for the boy, buy him a watch and 2 t-shirts. Then she starts begging for a $60 sweatshirt. I say no, then she starts in on me about how I turned her into an addict because I didn't buy her a car to get her Methadone and now she has a broken face. She's begging real loud now, manipulating me, she's fricking 22! I'm so embarrassed I buy the dame thing. We walk out to the car and she wants a fruit drink. I said no, that drink is $4.50, I'm not rich, we can eat at home. She's begging again, loud. I say lets go, she's really begging now. I walk out to the car and start thinking...I take the sweatshirt back. ( yeah for me!) I see her sitting there like some crazed fool. I tell her lets go it's her brothers b-day lets not ruin it. Se saw me take the sweatshirt back and asked why? I say cause you don't deserve it? She getting mad and refusing to get into the car unless I go back and buy her the shirt. No. She's going on and on about how I bought her bro some stuff and not her...hello, it's his b-day? Addicts, she baited me, as always, but this time I said no. She won't get into the car, it's getting late, now I'm begging her to get in the car, she refuses. I call my stupid husband, and he says leave her there, she can find her own ride he says. So I leave. I get a mile away, what a waste of a day, turn around and go back to the mall and look for her. She's reading the paper. I said please, let's go. She says only if I make it right and fair and buy her that sweatshirt and fruit drink. OMG this is stupid. One last time, lets GO! She refuses. So I left. I pick my son up. I'm crying, he says what's wrong mom, I lie, I say I'm so proud of him and can't believe he's 15! Emotional, happy tears. He believed it. We get home and the other AD is screaming where's her sister? I tell her, she threatens to take my car to go find her. I mention that I WILL call the police if she takes my car. She took her own and is gone, off to find the older AD at the mall.
My point?? When is this gonna stop? When can I smile again and not cry about guilty feelings? I feel my mind breaking, falling apart inside my head. This day, this special day is gonna be ruined soon. My son and his birthday, why today does the AD start up again? Begging, wanting. I've gotta hold it together before my mind really does crack. I'm just not gonna let some addict destroy me, not today at least. Was I right in leaving her there? Saying no to her? I feel I'm gonna die of a heart attact. Hope, don't let my mind crack...TF
Today was long, took my oldest AD to the Methadone clinic, paid her weekly $105 for her 50mg/day of Methadone. I'm gettin real tired of paying this weekly. So we go do that, then go to the Dermatologist for her then to the bank to replace a debit card the 2 ADs took to buy themselves shoes. Then off to the mall, what a mistake, the girl of mine thinks she's entitled. We shop for the boy, buy him a watch and 2 t-shirts. Then she starts begging for a $60 sweatshirt. I say no, then she starts in on me about how I turned her into an addict because I didn't buy her a car to get her Methadone and now she has a broken face. She's begging real loud now, manipulating me, she's fricking 22! I'm so embarrassed I buy the dame thing. We walk out to the car and she wants a fruit drink. I said no, that drink is $4.50, I'm not rich, we can eat at home. She's begging again, loud. I say lets go, she's really begging now. I walk out to the car and start thinking...I take the sweatshirt back. ( yeah for me!) I see her sitting there like some crazed fool. I tell her lets go it's her brothers b-day lets not ruin it. Se saw me take the sweatshirt back and asked why? I say cause you don't deserve it? She getting mad and refusing to get into the car unless I go back and buy her the shirt. No. She's going on and on about how I bought her bro some stuff and not her...hello, it's his b-day? Addicts, she baited me, as always, but this time I said no. She won't get into the car, it's getting late, now I'm begging her to get in the car, she refuses. I call my stupid husband, and he says leave her there, she can find her own ride he says. So I leave. I get a mile away, what a waste of a day, turn around and go back to the mall and look for her. She's reading the paper. I said please, let's go. She says only if I make it right and fair and buy her that sweatshirt and fruit drink. OMG this is stupid. One last time, lets GO! She refuses. So I left. I pick my son up. I'm crying, he says what's wrong mom, I lie, I say I'm so proud of him and can't believe he's 15! Emotional, happy tears. He believed it. We get home and the other AD is screaming where's her sister? I tell her, she threatens to take my car to go find her. I mention that I WILL call the police if she takes my car. She took her own and is gone, off to find the older AD at the mall.
My point?? When is this gonna stop? When can I smile again and not cry about guilty feelings? I feel my mind breaking, falling apart inside my head. This day, this special day is gonna be ruined soon. My son and his birthday, why today does the AD start up again? Begging, wanting. I've gotta hold it together before my mind really does crack. I'm just not gonna let some addict destroy me, not today at least. Was I right in leaving her there? Saying no to her? I feel I'm gonna die of a heart attact. Hope, don't let my mind crack...TF
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
The ride stops when you get off, TF! Your girls sound totally out of control to me, and your son is suffering from the fallout. I hope you find a way soon to make your home a peaceful place for you and your son! Are you having a party for him or celebrating at all?
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
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I was and still want to. My son I s wondering what is going on. The younger AD just called, she's been looking around the mall for an hour and can't find her sister. I don't know what to do. They both need to be kicked to the curb after today. I'm trying not to be manipulated, baited and destroyed just because addiction can't get it's way. It's 12 below out, I'm worried and my son just wants to celebrate. I tried to get her in the car, I begged. I will be blamed for all of this. My fault, I let her there. But, I can't pick a grown woman, who's out of her mind and force into my car.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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How about you turn off your phone and focus on your son for the rest of the evening? Tell him it's his birthday and you want to make it special, that his sisters are adults and they will take care of themselves? Hugs to you!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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I think you have done just about all you can for your girls twofish.
I've read your story since the beginning and nobody could have tried any harder.
Do you think it is time they moved out and took responsibility for themselves?
Maybe it's your husband's turn to take over if you aren't ready for that,
but I must agree that your son deserves peace and attention.
Please take care. I think you are an awesome mom, by the way.
I've read your story since the beginning and nobody could have tried any harder.
Do you think it is time they moved out and took responsibility for themselves?
Maybe it's your husband's turn to take over if you aren't ready for that,
but I must agree that your son deserves peace and attention.
Please take care. I think you are an awesome mom, by the way.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Well I'm 99% sure. She is on Methadone 50 mg, Oxycodone 20mg/ml, 1 ml every 5-6 hrs, Lorazepam 1mg as needed for freaking out, Gabapentin 300mg 3 times/day not taking too often and Ritalin. All ordered by ONE Dr., I wasn't gonna get caught up in 3-4 different Dr.s writing scripts. This is all coordinated by the State of WI Methadone regulation people. I have noticed that she doesn't always take her Methadone, always seems to be an extra dose left over which I dump out ($23 bucks down the drain) she is isolated and perhaps mentally unstable? People call and want to visit with her, cheer her up but she refuses to see them, even the Pastor, who sat for an hour in our family room waiting to talk with her, she refused to come down. She went from a hectic college senior, on Methadone trying to find sobriety, and a 20 hr/week internship job to nothing, isolation, pain and loneliness. She was so depressed that her graduation was delayed a semester, her boyfriend even left her. Her looks are affected but that can be cosmetically corrected. But, no, I don't think she is using, illegal drugs. I have control and in my possession, in a safe, all her opiates, benzos, etc.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
All I have to offer is an affirmation.
Money doesn't grow on trees ( and it
wouldn't matter if it did.....someone would
complain at the work needed to pick it----
a Valeism)
No one gave you those resources, and you
are due rapt respect due to your hard work
in bringing it through the door.
Collecting on that debt is another thing--- and as you
pointed out.....sometimes highly problematic.
But never EVER doubt for a second that you
earned it and are DUE respect for that fact.
All I have to offer is an affirmation.
Money doesn't grow on trees ( and it
wouldn't matter if it did.....someone would
complain at the work needed to pick it----
a Valeism)
No one gave you those resources, and you
are due rapt respect due to your hard work
in bringing it through the door.
Collecting on that debt is another thing--- and as you
pointed out.....sometimes highly problematic.
But never EVER doubt for a second that you
earned it and are DUE respect for that fact.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
I'm proud of you for standing your ground, taking the shirt back and refusing to re-buy it or buy her an orange drink. We cannot reward unacceptable behavior. At least now she knows that throwing a hissy fit like a two year old isn't going to get her what she wants. Don't back down.
One time, my daughter got mad at me and jumped out of the car while at the drive through of a burger place. She started walking toward home (about a mile or mile and a half away). So, I waited for our order, drove down the street along side where she was walking and asked her to please get in the car. She refused. I said, okay, and I drove on home. About an hour or so later, he she came walking down the road to the house.
You can't let them brow beat you. If they are going to act like little snots, then they should be treated like little snots. All I can say is my daughter never got out of the car like that again.
One time, my daughter got mad at me and jumped out of the car while at the drive through of a burger place. She started walking toward home (about a mile or mile and a half away). So, I waited for our order, drove down the street along side where she was walking and asked her to please get in the car. She refused. I said, okay, and I drove on home. About an hour or so later, he she came walking down the road to the house.
You can't let them brow beat you. If they are going to act like little snots, then they should be treated like little snots. All I can say is my daughter never got out of the car like that again.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
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TF reading your post.....gave me that feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when the sh$t hits the fan and I can't control it, and all I want it to do is STOP. I just want things to calm down and be normal. Ahhhh but I cant and neither can you. Your situation brings tears to my eyes. I am so sorry. I want to say kick them out and change the locks. BUT I've never had kids so I can't say that because I don't know what I would do. I hope you do whatever it takes for you to have a a more calm existence. Whatever that may be. Prayers and hugs.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
When my son was 2 years old, we were at the grocery store. He wanted something and I said "no" and he threw himself on the floor crying. I stepped over him and started walking off...down the aisle. He got up and ran to me. He was distracted that I was leaving him and forgot what he wanted in the first place.
My daughter, now 19, has been broken (like a wild horse) of her entitlement. It took years. At 18 we quit paying for anything....legal bills; bails; lawyers; clothing (except for birthdays, etc); spending money was gone; gas money gone; she wrecked her car...we kept the insurance money. She felt that since we got the insurance money for the wrecked car that we owed her another!!! LOL! Great idea! Give a drug addict a weapon to drive around. She hasn't had one in 2 years this coming March. She almost killed herself (15 minutes unconscious at the scene)
Entitlement! It was like wild stallion that couldn't get broken. Her dad and I were on the same page and said "no" unless it was a medical necessity. Amazing how the hard knocks of life have kicked her azz.
She is in the psych hospital. Asked if she could stay with me after discharge. "Yes. This is temporary and you are a guest. Same rules apply as always. She is finally asking and not expecting. It took a long while.
Its difficult twofish....against our mothering instincts but really it is best for them. They have to learn to be independent and respectful. Addicts have trouble with that!
My daughter, now 19, has been broken (like a wild horse) of her entitlement. It took years. At 18 we quit paying for anything....legal bills; bails; lawyers; clothing (except for birthdays, etc); spending money was gone; gas money gone; she wrecked her car...we kept the insurance money. She felt that since we got the insurance money for the wrecked car that we owed her another!!! LOL! Great idea! Give a drug addict a weapon to drive around. She hasn't had one in 2 years this coming March. She almost killed herself (15 minutes unconscious at the scene)
Entitlement! It was like wild stallion that couldn't get broken. Her dad and I were on the same page and said "no" unless it was a medical necessity. Amazing how the hard knocks of life have kicked her azz.
She is in the psych hospital. Asked if she could stay with me after discharge. "Yes. This is temporary and you are a guest. Same rules apply as always. She is finally asking and not expecting. It took a long while.
Its difficult twofish....against our mothering instincts but really it is best for them. They have to learn to be independent and respectful. Addicts have trouble with that!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 127
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR RETURNING THE SHIRT!!!!! When I first read it, I thought "oh no please tell me she didn't". That was a huge move for you and I think it's awesome that you did that! It's your sons day and it should be about him....no matter what they do and how they choose to behave. DO NOT feel bad about leaving her at the mall. They make us pity them and they act like they can't survive without our undying devotion and help....meanwhile they are SOOOO resourceful! Addicts are the most conniving, resourceful people one will ever meet. My daughter, when in active addiction, for example: no job, no car, no phone, no money, nowhere to live=hundreds of $$ scrounged up someway to feed the addiction, rides to get it, places to crash while high, and someone's phone to borrow to call me and beg for some need of the moment.
Concentrate on your son. It's his birthday. The 2 AD's are codependent on one another. They are adults (even though they don't act it). Hubby is not there to see what you're dealing with moment to moment so you're only going to get disappointed with however he reacts , if he reacts at all. You're giving your ALL to your children. Your AD's are trying to wear you down. Don't let them! You're still the boss girlfriend!
Is it possible she could be abusing the methadone? Just a thought. I've heard of people actually injecting it. Maybe the oxy is setting off the AV? She sounds like she's definitely struggling... Cuz it sounds like "using behavior".
You hang in there! I hope and pray that you have some peaceful moments with your son tonight. Try to tune them out a little (like 2 yr olds having a tantrum). Honestly, whatever they're gonna do, they're gonna do. All of frustrations come in trying to control/prevent it.
Big hugs to you TF
Concentrate on your son. It's his birthday. The 2 AD's are codependent on one another. They are adults (even though they don't act it). Hubby is not there to see what you're dealing with moment to moment so you're only going to get disappointed with however he reacts , if he reacts at all. You're giving your ALL to your children. Your AD's are trying to wear you down. Don't let them! You're still the boss girlfriend!
Is it possible she could be abusing the methadone? Just a thought. I've heard of people actually injecting it. Maybe the oxy is setting off the AV? She sounds like she's definitely struggling... Cuz it sounds like "using behavior".
You hang in there! I hope and pray that you have some peaceful moments with your son tonight. Try to tune them out a little (like 2 yr olds having a tantrum). Honestly, whatever they're gonna do, they're gonna do. All of frustrations come in trying to control/prevent it.
Big hugs to you TF
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
you let your daughters sleep until 2PM while you work your butt off, they lay around and do not contribute.
they blame and finger point, take as much as they can. Ifeel badly for your son, he is a child and they don't care. If you don't lay down, you can't be the doormat. Boo-hoo, get a job and pay for your own methadone. it's not your fault she chose to start with heroin in the first place.
I went through this with my daughter when she was 25 (different drugs and lots of booze). I changed my door locks and told her she was "off my payroll", after she picked a fight with me and told me to go and Flock myself. she did not live with me. We were estranged for 5 years...but she has grown up and is a much more considerate ADULT, paying her own way through grad school. If she gets a gift from me, she is thankful and appreciative.
I'm sorry that your husband bailed out, but your son seems to be getting the short stick here.
they blame and finger point, take as much as they can. Ifeel badly for your son, he is a child and they don't care. If you don't lay down, you can't be the doormat. Boo-hoo, get a job and pay for your own methadone. it's not your fault she chose to start with heroin in the first place.
I went through this with my daughter when she was 25 (different drugs and lots of booze). I changed my door locks and told her she was "off my payroll", after she picked a fight with me and told me to go and Flock myself. she did not live with me. We were estranged for 5 years...but she has grown up and is a much more considerate ADULT, paying her own way through grad school. If she gets a gift from me, she is thankful and appreciative.
I'm sorry that your husband bailed out, but your son seems to be getting the short stick here.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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my mom kicked me out at 19....I had no job, but had just finished cooking school....I wasn't an out of control addict, but I did break house rules. so out I went.
BEST THING my mom ever did for me. cuz mommy was no longer my backup plan. I WAS. within a week I had a place to live and a job. my mom didn't tolerate snotty behavior, talking back, nor any sense of entitlement. nope, once I went out that door I was on my own. knowing that made all the difference.
BEST THING my mom ever did for me. cuz mommy was no longer my backup plan. I WAS. within a week I had a place to live and a job. my mom didn't tolerate snotty behavior, talking back, nor any sense of entitlement. nope, once I went out that door I was on my own. knowing that made all the difference.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Twofish I am SO DARN PROUD OF YOU!!!! I know how hard it must have been to break out of that cycle to do what hey ask just to appease and shut them up. You absolutely no question did the right thing! Know what I've noticed? When I shut my son down when he is disrespectful, he acts better. When I do not fall for his manipulation nor his brow beating, he acts better! Why? Because he knows I am not giving in anymore. Your daughter is acting like a spoiled two yr old brat. You did the right thing to leave her. She will be JUST FINE. She will not allow herself to suffer for two one minute. This is your son's birthday. You focus on him and have fun. The poor kid deserves better and your daughters are pretty selfish not to think of their brother (you might want to point that out). The more they see you not giving in, the less (eventually) they will continue. Don't stop now TF! You are starting a new life where you are no longer a slave to your daughter's wants, demands and temper tantrums. Hope you are able to have a birthday celebration with your son. If your husband cannot be relied upon for support, dont waste your time asking. I know this is tough, I know it sucks but today YOU stuck to your guns! You are taking back control! Dont you feel just a little bit empowered?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by Fandy 
your son seems to be getting the short stick here.
If she ever pulls this again on his birthday, tell her she can have the shirt and drink on her birthday. Good for you for taking it back and leaving her when she wouldn't get in your car. Don't play her game.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
my mom kicked me out at 19....I had no job, but had just finished cooking school....I wasn't an out of control addict, but I did break house rules. so out I went.
BEST THING my mom ever did for me. cuz mommy was no longer my backup plan. I WAS. within a week I had a place to live and a job. my mom didn't tolerate snotty behavior, talking back, nor any sense of entitlement. nope, once I went out that door I was on my own. knowing that made all the difference.
BEST THING my mom ever did for me. cuz mommy was no longer my backup plan. I WAS. within a week I had a place to live and a job. my mom didn't tolerate snotty behavior, talking back, nor any sense of entitlement. nope, once I went out that door I was on my own. knowing that made all the difference.
They tell us alcoholics: "you keep hanging around the barbershop, you're eventually going to get a haircut". And they're right. Maybe that saying applies to your situation, too? You keep hanging around your daughter, and, well, bad things like this will continue to happen. She sounds absolutely toxic, and I'm sorry to say that. Get yourself away from her. Is that possible? I'm sorry you have to deal with this around the holidays, too, I can only imagine how you are feeling about xmas, etc.
Good luck, we are here no matter what! And, nice work with that sweater! That's the side of you that needs to shine! All the best to you and your fam.
Also, I have a lot of respect for how honest you have been in this forum. You are really helping so many others out there by bravely posting your struggle. Props to you for being so forthcoming about all this. I think this shows how much you really care about your daughter and family.
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Location: WI
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The girls just walked in laughing and making comments about me and how mean I am to them and I am just sitting here so alone and my tears are back. They sang happy birthday to him and are making all these plans with my son in a rather loud voice...I'm not gonna say anything, they won't bait me again. This is so unfair, they are making plans to take my son out, to dinner, saying my stupid husband will send them money so they can do this. Why would he do this? I think he's trying to buy their love and turn them against me, heck, I have rules he doesn't.
My son just came to me, gave me a piece of cake, and said mom, can I have a hug? Of course, Happy Birthday Son, I hugged him, rather clung to him, the tears flowing down his back from my eyes like two rivers. He said gently in my ear, "I don't like what their doing to you mom". That was like music to my ears, comfort. He's only a child and has to be forced to choose between his AS and his mom.
Why don't I say something to theses girls right now, yell at them, tell them to stop it? I don't know, I'm broken, tired of this sh$t and don't want to ruin my boys birthday. Those ADS KNOW this is hurting me, killing me inside, they are manipulating me. I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut, not start another scene or be the target of one. Silence is truly golden and addiction is truly dirt. Another day in the life of a mom of addicted children, worn down, tired and cracking up inside and out. Thanks moms for your support (and dads!) my only friends left that don't judge me in the least. That helped me tonight. TF
My son just came to me, gave me a piece of cake, and said mom, can I have a hug? Of course, Happy Birthday Son, I hugged him, rather clung to him, the tears flowing down his back from my eyes like two rivers. He said gently in my ear, "I don't like what their doing to you mom". That was like music to my ears, comfort. He's only a child and has to be forced to choose between his AS and his mom.
Why don't I say something to theses girls right now, yell at them, tell them to stop it? I don't know, I'm broken, tired of this sh$t and don't want to ruin my boys birthday. Those ADS KNOW this is hurting me, killing me inside, they are manipulating me. I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut, not start another scene or be the target of one. Silence is truly golden and addiction is truly dirt. Another day in the life of a mom of addicted children, worn down, tired and cracking up inside and out. Thanks moms for your support (and dads!) my only friends left that don't judge me in the least. That helped me tonight. TF
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
I am so sorry TF that you are still struggling so much with your girls!!
Keep setting your boundaries and stick to them.
I think it may be soon that they get back on their own if they cannot respect the rules of the household and you...
But You'll know when it's right...
Hang in there love.
K
Keep setting your boundaries and stick to them.
I think it may be soon that they get back on their own if they cannot respect the rules of the household and you...
But You'll know when it's right...
Hang in there love.
K
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
Twofish, you're upset tonight and with good reason. Maybe after a good night's sleep, you can come back and read the posts on this thread. You've received some really good advice and support, but your emotions are just too raw right now.
Your son obviously knows what is going on here...maybe not all the details, but he's intuitive enough to realize the girls are treating you like crap. That's a good thing. Get some rest and don't get into any arguments with them. You know they're trying to bait you, so you're right not to give them the satisfaction.
Your son obviously knows what is going on here...maybe not all the details, but he's intuitive enough to realize the girls are treating you like crap. That's a good thing. Get some rest and don't get into any arguments with them. You know they're trying to bait you, so you're right not to give them the satisfaction.
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