cc64

meds just don't seem to do the trick so I guess the best next thing is to come in here at 3:15 in the morning. Took a prescribed sleeping med and I hope it kicks in. I have the recurring living nightmare of the past two weeks. Two suicide attempts and a dozen or so drunk texts, and not to mention the bill collector who called 911 on me. I feel haunted from my antics of the last couple weeks. Binge drinking to black out/ driving/ consuming more alcohol that should of killed me, combined with xanax. Waking up in a motel room vomiting. Losing my job because of my mental illness (delusions). reading some of my texts I sent during the whole episode. I am ill reading them. Should I delete them or use them as a lesson learned? Zombies do exist and I am their leader.......geezus someone help me........I did drag my ass to a great AA meeting. It was an old timers meeting with a lot of time and I will definitely be going back to that one.

Dee74

I hope the prescribed meds help cc.

I think all of us have stories of drunken experiences we regret - we can't undo them, but we can make sure they never happen again.

My advice is look forward, not back

D

MythOfSisyphus

Insomnia was the absolute biggest, #1 issue I had to grapple with when I quit drinking. I began to realize that in the last few years I'd almost never actually just gone to sleep- I basically just passed out from drinking. After 25 years of drinking you get to be an expert at self medication, and you learn just how much and what rate you need to drink to knock yourself out. If I knew I had to get to sleep I used to take a sleeping pill and wash it down with wine.

It's pretty normal to be freaked out those first couple weeks of sobriety. It's okay! While it's disconcerting it's a positive thing, a step in the healing process instead of something that's hurting you.

Twinings

Hi cc64

I hate the insomnia in the first couple of weeks, best advice i've read is not to fight it. Don't stress if it doesn't happen and if your struggling with the anxiety that comes when you try to fall asleep just get up and do something else until it lifts a bit then try again.

I'd write the texts down somewhere along with how you feel about it all atm. Then put it away, move forward, delete the texts and only read what you wrote if you get a craving.

Herbal tea is good at night time and I like to listen to binaural beats too!
Best of luck!

cc64

Trying not to relive what I've done is becoming a bit more difficult. As each day passes, and as my head clears a bit more, bits and pieces are coming back. Unfortunately, I live in a small town and behavior like mine doesn't take long to get around. So I try to shop outside the town and pretty much just stay to myself. My husband is gone to start a new job in Portland and if it wasn't for the $ situation, I would be right there with him. But that is not the case. I try to stay busy packing but it is so difficult because I feel haunted by my past two-week binge and the hospitalization and the new diagnosis. Now when someone says "she's delusional", it true. I have labeled my meds with a thick black sharpie: 1 Tegratol has "stablizlem (2 a day):: Cymbalta (1) a day, Synthroid (1 a day), Ambien (1 at night) and the Ativan (Freak out pills PRN)......is that weird? am I weird? UGH....this s*** is bananas, B A N A N A S!

newme2day

CC you can't erase the past but you can learn from it. Let this be your bottom and start over. I am only 23 days in, but i do try to keep my last drinking episode rather fresh in my mind. Its what reminds me why i cannot drink and how i can never go back to it. You can do this!!

trudgingagain

The past is over, tomorrow is not here yet, all we have is today....that's why it is called "the present". It is your gift today.....be well and hang in there....All the best...

EndGameNYC

Mixing those meds you're taking with booze creates a lethal weapon.

Staying home with time on your hands while your husband is away will not help. Get yourself to an AA meeting. And go as often as you can until you move. To hell with whatever trepidation you may have about AA...we're talking life and death hear. It's not a lifelong commitment, only a way to help you stay sober until your mood is more stabilized. It doesn't matter that you live in a small town...You'll be outta there soon enough, and the worst thing that can happen is that people see that you're getting help.

awuh1

There is a meeting in your town tonight,
Sunday 7:30PM Rule #62 Meeting (Big Book Study) First United Methodist Church
104 E Main St

And tomarroow
Monday 7:30PM Rule #62 Meeting First United Methodist Church
104 E Main St

You get the idea
Tuesday 7:30PM Rule #62 Meeting Canyon Spring Church
220 Greenlinks Ave.

Thursday 7:30PM Rule #62 Meeting First United Methodist Church
104 E Main St

Get some phone numbers to call for Wed. Fri. and Sat. People are there to help YOU.

BillinSaratoga

CC - I'm new to this as well... and fully understand those early nights when you don't sleep and you think maybe a drink will ease this. I can attest that the nights get better and after my first two weeks I actually started sleeping. God... what a wonderful thing that is. Hang in there, I'm with you fighting the demons. Many great folks here with knowledge and experience.

Thepatman

You will eventually be able to sleep better, just hang on and be patient.

If you keep thinking of not being able to sleep that can cause anxiety. When you are in bed not sleeping, concentrate on your breathing, say a few prayers.

malcolmsloan

I totally relate to the insomnia issue. This is such a deep issue for me, and something I have been really workin on during my early sobriety. It does get beter. You will sleep. Something someone here at SR told me when I was really struggling with insomina: Lack of sleep won't kill you, but alcohol will. You can do this. Try not to panic/fight it. Good luck. And if it helps, as you can see from the responses to your thread, many of us have been there.