Relapse where to go from here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Va
Posts: 25
Relapse where to go from here
My daughter 23 ..who was in rehab for coke and alcohol,released early Nov..told her hubby she drank yesterday. I dont believe she just did it one day...i also dont think she really has any desire to give it up...as a matter of fact i believe she has been drinking practically since she got out....i think she thinks well if i dont do drugs but just drink so i can go out to bars thats ok.and has as of today lost her husband of 1.5 years and 21 month old son,,,she is a party girl .and has no desire to be a wife or mom......,,likes to go work then go out to bars,,and we wont even begin to discuss all the men she meets up with. I love her but cant help her,,only she can help herself. My heart is broken
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Having a 23 year old daughter (sober 102 days today), I sympathize. Before she went into rehab one of my biggest concerns was how I would handle a relapse should it occur. So far we have not had to but I certainly understand your heart break. I can't imagine the increased pain if I had to worry about a grandbaby's welfare like you do. Good luck.
Damn alcohol and drugs. I hate em.
Damn alcohol and drugs. I hate em.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Whyme- It is not your fault. You didn't cause it and you can't cure it. I have to keep repeating that over and over to myself. Keep coming back- Look around, there is an on-going post for parents of adult child addicts. That post is especially helpful because everyone understand our pain because unfortunately they are living it too
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
It helps so much to take things one day at a time. It is difficult to learn to do that, but with support, it is easier. Please consider going regularly to an Al-Anon meeting. It will ease your pain. Many parents attend Al-Anon and they help each other to avoid "awfulizing"....projecting into the future something bad that has not happened and making themselves sick over it, obsessing about what might happen. The 12 Step program of Al-Anon helps loved ones to accept the situation as it is only today, to place tomorrow in the hands of a Higher Power, and to just do the next right thing, just for today. This is the essence of spiritual strength and this will help you as you allow your daughter to proceed through her life with all its ups and downs, steps forward and back, and to accept that no one can know what is the best course for any human being, we all have lessons to learn in our own way and time.
If you google your state and Al-Anon, you will find some meetings. The meeting may not be perfect, it may take a few months to realize it's helping. But there is nothing like Al-Anon to help a fearful parent find serenity.
If you google your state and Al-Anon, you will find some meetings. The meeting may not be perfect, it may take a few months to realize it's helping. But there is nothing like Al-Anon to help a fearful parent find serenity.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Sending hugs, whyme 
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, but I can assure you it is not your fault. If you are powerful enough to make them drink, then you would have the power to make them stop....and that hasn't worked, has it?
I will keep you, and all your children, in my prayers.
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, but I can assure you it is not your fault. If you are powerful enough to make them drink, then you would have the power to make them stop....and that hasn't worked, has it?
I will keep you, and all your children, in my prayers.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Va
Posts: 25
Logically I know you are right..But the idea that too if my 3 kids have both walked away from their own children to party makes me think ,,what did i do to let them think that is ok...i know I never left my kids...so Why???? Must admit I am embarrassed and know people s lips will be flapping about me and my kids when it comes out..to date only very close family members know of my daughters addictions....how do I face them.to my face they will act like they feel for me..but I know they will be judging me. I shouldn't care but i do.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
How do you 'know' they will be judging you? I don't really think you can read their minds, can you?
In fact, most 'other people' rarely give us a thought because they are tied up thinking about their own lives--and we know nothing about those lives, either.
To quote a Dr. Philism.....we wouldn't care so much about what other people think of us if we knew how infrequently they did.
You neither taught nor modeled irresponsible parenthood to your children. What they are doing now is completely their own responsibility. They are completely separate people from you, and they are the ones acting this way, not you. You have nothing of which to be ashamed.
In fact, most 'other people' rarely give us a thought because they are tied up thinking about their own lives--and we know nothing about those lives, either.
To quote a Dr. Philism.....we wouldn't care so much about what other people think of us if we knew how infrequently they did.
You neither taught nor modeled irresponsible parenthood to your children. What they are doing now is completely their own responsibility. They are completely separate people from you, and they are the ones acting this way, not you. You have nothing of which to be ashamed.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Naples Florida
Posts: 23
Whyme717, I know that this is a very tough time for you. But you may find solace that research tells us that relapsing can be a part of recovery, not an end to it.
Relapse is difficult but it is really like climbing a hill, If you slip and fall, you don't fall all the way to the bottom, you just fall back a few feet, get up, and continue climbing. It is often hard for others to see the improvements an addicted loved one has actually made.
Addiction - especially with drugs or alcohol- can cause significant changes in the brain that need to take time to heal. Neuroscientists call the brain as extremely plastic (neuroplasticity). One study found that only after two weeks of sobriety cell regeneration occurred in alcoholics (Marlatt).
One thing in some treatment centers that isnt really backed up by evidence is the notion that if you slip up (relapse) in recovery, you have to start all over again at day one. Recovering addicts can make huge strides in recovery, and sometimes they may slip up a few times but as long as they are moving toward sobriety and make overall progression, I think it is all part of the healing process.
You may also want to add something new to the recovery effort, with your daughter's approval, such as a nutrition program. Certain nutrients can restore depleted and malfunctioning neurotransmitters in the brain - which may lessen cravings and may make her feel better.
Neurotransmitter functioning is off with addicted individuals so this causes cravings and relapse when he/she tries to quit. Neurotransmitters are synthesized from nutrition, so using proper nutrients such as high protein food such as game meats/nuts have shown to dramatically improve recovery. One program showed a 92% success rate that used proper nutrition (finnagen,1989).
resources:
G.A. Marlatt, “Relapse Prevention: Theoretical Rationale and Overview of the Model,” in Marlatt and Gordon, eds., Relapse Prevention, p. 39.
Relapse is difficult but it is really like climbing a hill, If you slip and fall, you don't fall all the way to the bottom, you just fall back a few feet, get up, and continue climbing. It is often hard for others to see the improvements an addicted loved one has actually made.
Addiction - especially with drugs or alcohol- can cause significant changes in the brain that need to take time to heal. Neuroscientists call the brain as extremely plastic (neuroplasticity). One study found that only after two weeks of sobriety cell regeneration occurred in alcoholics (Marlatt).
One thing in some treatment centers that isnt really backed up by evidence is the notion that if you slip up (relapse) in recovery, you have to start all over again at day one. Recovering addicts can make huge strides in recovery, and sometimes they may slip up a few times but as long as they are moving toward sobriety and make overall progression, I think it is all part of the healing process.
You may also want to add something new to the recovery effort, with your daughter's approval, such as a nutrition program. Certain nutrients can restore depleted and malfunctioning neurotransmitters in the brain - which may lessen cravings and may make her feel better.
Neurotransmitter functioning is off with addicted individuals so this causes cravings and relapse when he/she tries to quit. Neurotransmitters are synthesized from nutrition, so using proper nutrients such as high protein food such as game meats/nuts have shown to dramatically improve recovery. One program showed a 92% success rate that used proper nutrition (finnagen,1989).
resources:
G.A. Marlatt, “Relapse Prevention: Theoretical Rationale and Overview of the Model,” in Marlatt and Gordon, eds., Relapse Prevention, p. 39.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Va
Posts: 25
Thank u..i cant recah her but i did copy the info u gave me about relapse and sent it t her.,telling her to immediatly try and think of climbing back up the ladder from the step u are on now..not the end of the world if she really doesnt want to fall further she doesnt have to!
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