Tabbj

Have not been here for a few !! been really busy with job and been really tired lately. To the point I am really " BLUE " today, son is in bed, husband went hunting, I am living pay check to pay check, having trouble paying my own bills I have, feel sick to my stomach I could cry. I have tried to get a loan to bring my bills together can not get one due to things in my past. today is the first I have wanted to drink in a very long time ...

zeppodog

Don't give in, drinking won't help anything. You will just feel worse than ever if you give in to drinking. Hope things start looking up for you and your family. Hang in there.

anyistoomuch

Yeah - I hear you. Money issues are the worst. They make you feel trapped, unhappy, and just remind you of all the things you did to start having money problem to begin with. Money problems are similar to alcohol, and often related. Once you are in trouble, it takes a long time and a lot of work to get out. BUT - you can get out.

I know it seems trite, but having a positive attitude will help so much. There is not going to be a quick fix, so ruminating over how hard everything is won't help you. Give your brain and soul a break by giving it a jolt of positive feeling. Do something for yourself that feels good, even if it is just to lie on the couch and think of nothing for a while.

Be kind to yourself. Smiles.

Tabbj

When I try to do something for myself it makes me feel more guilty, and I get looked at by my husband like I am lazy for lying on the couch or he thinks I am being selfish

IOAA2

Hi. I agree with the above. I needed to learn this sort of think the hard way. Whatever situations I had before the first drink were there after the last drink, sometimes more and more severe like attorney fees and on and on. I needed to find new ways to attend to business as mine were not working because of MY isms. It took time but now I'm comfortable in my own skin.
Perhaps there are no charge credit counselors in your area to assist with a plan?

BE WELL

FeelingGreat

Hi Tabbj, money problems can get you down, as well as all the other stuff life throws at us. I'm unemployed and living on a very tight budget, watching my savings slip away.

One thing that's helped me is that I've been researching ways to save money on the internet. So without spending much I've managed to get a little edible garden going, I'm making my own washing powder, cleaning products. I'm also putting together holiday gifts from surplus garden produce. It helps with the budget and it's also giving me a creative outlet.
Beyond that there is a lot of advice on bill control, drawing up budgets, using free resources and altering your thinking and mindset. The internet is great in that I no sooner have a question than I can find lots of ways other people have handled it. And of course it's where I find SR.
Think of your situation as one you can take control of and you will feel much better.

anyistoomuch

Tab - try to let go of the guilt. Not only is it counterproductive to finding solutions, it will turn you back to alcohol.

Look at it this way, you need to give yourself some mental and emotional space in your head so you can think clearly about things. And does your husband tell you you are lazy or being selfish? (I hope not.) Or is that what you think he is thinking/saying?

When your son is older, perhaps you can get a part time job? Make something to sell? I know a woman who made $$$ selling homemade things at craft fairs. I know another woman who frequented those crazy flea markets and resold everything she found on EBay. It kept her busy, and sometimes she SCORED big money.

BE postitive! There are things you can do.

Smiles.

Thepatman

Sorry you are having a rough patch. Hope things turn around.

JaylaaKent

Have you thought about debt consolidation? There are a lot of non-for-profit groups out there that will help. Even bankruptcy? No bills/credit score is worth your sanity. I did it - feel so much better now - got a huge albatross off my neck struggling to pay that stupid debt.

Tabbj

I do crafts all the time for family and friends all the time when I can afford to do them, my husband dose not have to say anything it is the way he looks at me when I am not doing any thing, my marriage is not very good I think we are together till our son ( who is 12) is done with school. everything is his and only his period everything we own is in his name. I asked him for a loan ( which he makes 3x more then me) to help with my bills and a few medical bills was told no get a second job, if I do that I will never see my son.

Tabbj

I am in debt from medical bills from me and our son from having ****** insurance that paid nothing, so had to use my credit cards for prescriptions and doctor visits, what ever else was needed. I was getting my credit back to where it was then it seems I can not get ahead not more.

Hawkeye13

If those expenses are related to the child, seems like he should be responsible for half of them at least.

Are you sure you want six more years with this person?
He doesn't sound very nice.

FeelingGreat

No wonder you're blue with a domestic situation like that. Are you paying your household bills, ones that he should be sharing? How about expenses for your son?
Sorry my 'advice' was so elementary for you…your situation has obviously gone beyond the stage where that will help much. Have you considered domestic violence helpline, or even legal help?

Tabbj

my husband figures he pays the insurance for him I can pay for everything else even it is his son. we are to be seen and not heard from !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyistoomuch

Ugh - that sounds really hard. Crafting and all that is clearly not going to address the larger issues. I am not sure why he can't help pay for your medical bills since he is making 3x more than you...

If you are just waiting to separate, it can't be a healthy way to live - for you or your son. Can you go into counseling to help you think through this? Is there someone in the community who can help you empower yourself down the line?

Tabbj

Sent you a private message on something

Hawkeye13

This kind of environment cannot be healthy for your son or you.

I'm sorry you are living this way, and I hope things take a turn for the better.
Have you thought about getting child support and moving apart earlier?

Lenina

((((Tabbj))) I'm sorry to hear about the medical bills. That really sucks. does your husband have addiction/alcohol problems?

you deserve to have some things in your life that you enjoy.

Love from Lenina

jaynie04

I think feeling blue sounds like a very logical and rational feeling given your current situation. It sounds like your husband is a difficult person, and my guess is that he is probably rarely pleased with much you do. That is an awful way to live. It can drain you. I think being in a marriage but being alone is one of the hardest places to be…((hugs)).

From what you described, a husband who is comfortable with an arrangement where you are scratching by under the same roof is never going to be someone you can depend on. Taking your own power back, and nurturing yourself in spite of his disapproval (his opinion is NOT worth more than your own) is so important. It can feel claustrophobic to live in that sort of environment, where one person's disapproval weighs thickly in the air, I grew up in it…everyone learns to shrink off to corners. It can feel super uncomfortable to deviate from the plan that everyone knows, and knowing that beforehand can ease the transition, but no one died from feeling uncomfortable. As long as there is no violence involved, if that is the case then it is important never to put yourself in danger. Chances are he increase his judgements when he realizes you aren't succumbing so easily, at least short term, and then he will like start to soften. The thing is about bullies, they are predictable, and they thrive on their victims responding predictably.

I hope I am not overstepping my bounds, and I could be way out of line, so I am sorry if I am wrong about all this. I know you mentioned finances, but I just wonder if you had a partner who supported you during all of this if everything would feel different. The money may be important as far as being able to consider a separate life, it sounds like he is content on keeping you somewhat helpless. Knowing your rights under any circumstances doesn't mean that you aren't a good spouse, and it doesn't call you to action, but sometimes it can take a weight off and alleviate the other party's self ordained entitlement. Take care of yourself.

Tabbj

Jaynie04,
WOW you hit it right on the head here , and no you was not overstepping your bounds.
I have come to the conclusion he likes me feel help less !!! then when I start to get at least one step being closer to being strong it gets knocked out from under me ..