Erik1980

Today was full of frustration but I had a minor success I guess... Went back to work and had to see all my coworkers and bosses that saw me carried away in an ambulance earlier in the week ... Still in detox a bit and FULL of anxiety I had to bartend a private party for a pro NFL football team which is nerve racking in its own right bc my performance needs to be better for such high profile clients ... Made it through the anxiety of both facing my coworkers and doing my job.... I really just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide though... Then at the end of the night My detox felt better and the entire staff was drinking heavily... That little voice creeped back on in saying maybe I could drink and be normal ... I didn't drink though, but it certainly was hard ... I made it today but it wasn't easy, and I can't even believe 4 days after being in the ER I could even CONSIDER drinking for even a split second ?!?!!! What is wrong with me??? I hate this!!!!!

Walking home I saw multiple people so hammered they couldn't even walk being held up by their friends .... It kind of reinforced why I can't go back to drinking... I would be that sloppy drunk at some point, I know it, and I'd end up worse off... Hopefully I can at least get a decent nights sleep tonight with no cold sweats ... We shall see ... Thanks again for all your support guys, it really helps

MythOfSisyphus

Yeah, one big thing that helps me not want to drink is seeing a bunch of drunks acting like idiots! I don't miss those days, or the hangovers.

mecanix

Keep on

Bestwishes, m

Croissant

Hi Erik. Good to see you are not giving up and are still committed to sobriety.

Seeing there is a problem is half the battle....it's hard to look at drinking the same way once you do that.

Try not to let the embarrassment you feel about work distract you with negative self talk. The bottom line is, if you are sober, you have the best chance of being the best version of you possible. Hang on, it's worth the journey!

Keep posting, good days or bad - there's lots of support here. Best wishes.

Twinings

Good going Erik!!!
Your working in a bar? Is maybe a change of career something you thought about?
I hope you got a decent nights sleep

ScottFromWI

Erik, hope the rest of your weekend went OK, we're here if you need us

1stthingsfirst

Thanks for reminding us of how convincing the addictive voice can be. The imagined reality check of becoming sloppy drunk, even better.

If you had the courage to face your co-workers and stay sober yesterday, you can do anything.

soberclover

Get some rest...you deserve it! It is physically AND emotionally draining to be around drinking people I find.

Thepatman

Well done!! try to see that you did not pass on something cool. You passed on a poisoning party.

About your sleep, at day 7 myself, it is simply unbelievable!! So hang on, O promise you won't regret it!!

theresearcher

Great Job Eric. Its tough but stay committed and it will get easier.

somehope

The back of a pub is close enough to our back yard that if we're outside we can hear the drunks when they're out having a cigarette. They obviously get louder as the night goes on.

I was sitting out back last night trying to ignore the voice in my head telling me I'm not an alcoholic. I was distracting myself with the Christmas lights we put up and could hear the usual laughing, yelling, singing of the pub on a Saturday night. Then the angry couples screaming at each other. Then a lot of other ugly drunk behavior. I may have been sitting at home on a Saturday night but at least I wasn't them!! It was a good deterrent.

Kudos to you for facing work and taking the anxiety head on. It couldn't have been easy but you did it. You're a strong man!!

Erik1980

Thanks everybody ... I certainly made it through a myriad of challenges this weekend ... Last night I turned town a free bar tab from my boss ... Turned down having drinks with a really really hot girl that wanted to have cocktails ... Ran into an old HR manager that I walked out on the job mid shift because of my drinking ... That sure made me want to drink but I didn't .., Fighting the urge to drink because I'm so Fing broke right now that it's depressing ... Can't make money at my jobs this month to save my life ... So frustrated with EVERYTHNG! Holidays .... Ugggh ... Staying sober though ... My only reasoning is that it can only get better ...