The Difference the "Days" Make
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
The Difference the "Days" Make
I am still in residential, working in groups, and attending meetings daily. I haven't drank since being admitted to detox the Monday before last.
At one time, I had 2 years without a drink. But, I picked back up and the "why" doesn't matter to me anymore...(though I've ruminated over, and shared that story time and again as my "reason") I picked back up almost 7 years ago. So, reason schmeason.
Since then, I've "quit" for this many days, that many weeks, maybe even a month here and there.
You know what I'm thinking tonight guys?? I'm done counting. I'm not that good at math anyway... I just don't care "how many" anymore.
It doesn't make me feel better to have a number. I don't feel greater than or less than, because the answer to my problem isn't a number. Right?
They say "day by day", "hour by hour", "minute by minute", even just "second by second". This obsessive counting!! It feels more like waiting for a bus when you're running late. It's like a trigger for me! WTS?
Do you ever feel that way? I do... But, I'm not sure why.
I'm working hard at staying in the present. Getting to know myself in this moment. Staying in my body. Being comfortable in my skin, no matter the circumstance. Accepting my comfort or discomfort, emotions, and thoughts. Accepting myself. I can only do that NOW.
Counting, calculating, timing, anticipating, measuring... It feels very obsessive to me in a way. Does that make sense? It's feels like some twisted reminder of how much FURTHER I'm slipping from what I've always used as my escape hatch. In my mind, that provokes anxiety. I can't help but wonder how that's useful...
The reality is- the door is right there. It will always be right there. I can open it in 5 seconds, or 2 minutes, in 1 hour, even in 20 years. So many variables!! 5 seconds from?? 2 minutes from?? 1 hour from?? 20 years from?????
MY answer- NOW. What am I doing RIGHT NOW?
This is how I am handling the process. I am making the decision that the ONLY thing that "counts", is NOW. I figure that's all I have. ;-)
If you'd like- tell me how you feel about counting! Do you like it? Don't like it? Why/ why not? I'm really interested in everyone's thoughts....
At one time, I had 2 years without a drink. But, I picked back up and the "why" doesn't matter to me anymore...(though I've ruminated over, and shared that story time and again as my "reason") I picked back up almost 7 years ago. So, reason schmeason.
Since then, I've "quit" for this many days, that many weeks, maybe even a month here and there.
You know what I'm thinking tonight guys?? I'm done counting. I'm not that good at math anyway... I just don't care "how many" anymore.
It doesn't make me feel better to have a number. I don't feel greater than or less than, because the answer to my problem isn't a number. Right?
They say "day by day", "hour by hour", "minute by minute", even just "second by second". This obsessive counting!! It feels more like waiting for a bus when you're running late. It's like a trigger for me! WTS?
Do you ever feel that way? I do... But, I'm not sure why.
I'm working hard at staying in the present. Getting to know myself in this moment. Staying in my body. Being comfortable in my skin, no matter the circumstance. Accepting my comfort or discomfort, emotions, and thoughts. Accepting myself. I can only do that NOW.
Counting, calculating, timing, anticipating, measuring... It feels very obsessive to me in a way. Does that make sense? It's feels like some twisted reminder of how much FURTHER I'm slipping from what I've always used as my escape hatch. In my mind, that provokes anxiety. I can't help but wonder how that's useful...
The reality is- the door is right there. It will always be right there. I can open it in 5 seconds, or 2 minutes, in 1 hour, even in 20 years. So many variables!! 5 seconds from?? 2 minutes from?? 1 hour from?? 20 years from?????
MY answer- NOW. What am I doing RIGHT NOW?
This is how I am handling the process. I am making the decision that the ONLY thing that "counts", is NOW. I figure that's all I have. ;-)
If you'd like- tell me how you feel about counting! Do you like it? Don't like it? Why/ why not? I'm really interested in everyone's thoughts....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I think staying in the moment is a skill, it is hard to do, but it can be learned. I often think that is why animals are so calming to us, they live without regret or anticipation, they just are.
I like to hear where others are at because it helps me anticipate what is to come. But we are all motivated differently. There have been moments when I have said "just not now". Just like alcoholism was progressive, to me sobriety is progressive as well. I can see things now I couldn't see a month or two ago, I expect that will continue to happen.
And you are right, all any of us have is now. I am glad you are doing so well.
I like to hear where others are at because it helps me anticipate what is to come. But we are all motivated differently. There have been moments when I have said "just not now". Just like alcoholism was progressive, to me sobriety is progressive as well. I can see things now I couldn't see a month or two ago, I expect that will continue to happen.
And you are right, all any of us have is now. I am glad you are doing so well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 41
My addiction tried to use Me being Day2 as a reason to use..."it is only two days it is easy to get 2 days"...i Made it so far.... but I like the idea that it breaks down forever into bite size chunks...I cant quit forever even if I tried...not possible...so in a way I here you are right...as long as I dont pick up right now...I can add the right nows up till eventually the steps, Higher power and I have rebuilt my diseased brain....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I don't get off on counting for competitive reasons. But I do think keep track is important as an initial deterrent. I have read many posts about some who don't like it but they are usually low numbers. Most alcoholics like myself like instant gratification. We lack patience and follow through as a group. So it's no surprise we might find counting or having a number frustrating.
TO me I started with days to 90 then transitioned to months - where I am at now. I look forward to years.
I find being honest is key to my program. I also have to check my thoughts bc I can't always trust them. But if I am being honest and its for sincere reasons that I would not want to track my days, weeks, months, years then that is fine. With time it becomes less useful I think.
TO me I started with days to 90 then transitioned to months - where I am at now. I look forward to years.
I find being honest is key to my program. I also have to check my thoughts bc I can't always trust them. But if I am being honest and its for sincere reasons that I would not want to track my days, weeks, months, years then that is fine. With time it becomes less useful I think.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 37
The number of days doesn't really matter to me either. After quitting for a year, a few days doesn't feel like as much of an accomplishment to me. The most significant thing for me this time is really accepting the fact that I will never be a social drinker. That has almost eliminated my cravings this go around. Then again I haven't been situations where my will power has been tested.
Sober since March 21, 2013
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 262
I count, but I don't obsesse about it.
270 days today. A nice reminder of where I have come after over 40 years of drinking.
Bottom line, if you want to stop drinking, you will whether you count or not.
I've heard where some use counting as an excuse for a relapse. I guess that works too.
If you look on the SR Homepage you can even calculate heartbeats.
I say there is no wrong way to stay sober, and no right way to keep drinking.
Best of luck.
270 days today. A nice reminder of where I have come after over 40 years of drinking.
Bottom line, if you want to stop drinking, you will whether you count or not.
I've heard where some use counting as an excuse for a relapse. I guess that works too.
If you look on the SR Homepage you can even calculate heartbeats.
I say there is no wrong way to stay sober, and no right way to keep drinking.
Best of luck.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I'm mot to keen on counting, as for me it seems a tad obsessive, but that is just me. I have no idea when I stopped exactly, only that it was about ten years ago. I don't even remember the month, just know it was in 2003, and that's only because I lived abroad and moved back to the UK after being around 2 years sober. That's good enough for me. I don't need a cake. But don't get me wrong, if that's what works for people then kudos to them, but although we are all fundamentally the same,we are all a bit different in little ways. That is why the one-size-fits ideas have always thrown me a bit.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I think all the posts on this thread are interesting, helpful and valid. As I said before. We are all a (little) bit different in the way we handle stuff. I have been on forums where one is not allowed to view their opinions, agree with them or be damned. This forum is so laid back I can see my feet. Everyone is taken seriously and no one is lambasted. In fact, today I was deleted from a facebook recovery group for daring to say that a gentleman who kept banging on about big egos had the biggest ego of all. He said he was so close to God, he had the right to speak on his behalf. 
As soon as I suggested he should wind his neck in (politely, I didn't word it quite like that) whoosh, I was gone! 
As soon as I suggested he should wind his neck in (politely, I didn't word it quite like that) whoosh, I was gone! Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 318
I definitely agree with you, Kate. I "count"-- as in my outpatient groups they actually ask your sobriety time. At the very beginning I was really into the number but now I don't think too much about it. I do have an app on my phone that I can click on to see how many days I am... and I definitely know my sobriety date and at under 2 months, I can see myself enjoying seeing the months go by Whatever works for each person, go for it
Whatever works for each person, go for it Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: out west
Posts: 63
I'd never really thought about it but I think I definitely used a low count as an excuse to relapse too. But I still counted/count. Only on day 21 right now but I'm very proud of those 21 days and its a reminder that in this lifelong walk of sobriety I'm 21 days out of hell.
Sometimes I wish I didn't count or at least put so much emphasis on the days but I can't help it. And I've only done it twice (this time being the second) but just making it past 10-14 days really pumps me up to go a lot further.
So I understand both sides of the coin here but for me, counting helps.
Sometimes I wish I didn't count or at least put so much emphasis on the days but I can't help it. And I've only done it twice (this time being the second) but just making it past 10-14 days really pumps me up to go a lot further.
So I understand both sides of the coin here but for me, counting helps.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
I count the days still at 177 days. It is something that seems to work well for me. In the beginning it might have triggered a kind of an obsessed mood at certain points but the daycount is more automatic today and I use it as a reminder that each day sober is precious and use it to strengthen my resolve to never touch alcohol again.
Actually I think counting the days can be an exercise for patience and acceptance in a way. As in the beginning I knew I would not immediately have many days but 1 day at a time. So valueing them gave my sobriety a boost. About that elated feeling, I don't think it is a completely unwarranted 'ego-boost', but something to be proud of. That doesn't mean that you have to go around telling other people and acting in a higher-than-thou attitude (or whatever).
Counting works for me and helps me accept reality and where I am at the moment. Thus very conducive to sobriety.
Actually I think counting the days can be an exercise for patience and acceptance in a way. As in the beginning I knew I would not immediately have many days but 1 day at a time. So valueing them gave my sobriety a boost. About that elated feeling, I don't think it is a completely unwarranted 'ego-boost', but something to be proud of. That doesn't mean that you have to go around telling other people and acting in a higher-than-thou attitude (or whatever).
Counting works for me and helps me accept reality and where I am at the moment. Thus very conducive to sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Counting was a way of keeping track of where I was for the first 90 days or so - I think to know where we are is a pretty basic human need, really...and I needed a few markers in the unfamiliar world of sobriety.
But - at the end of the day...count or don't count - it's nowhere near as important as the decision to drink/ not drink, use/or not use IMO.
if counting doesn't work for you, then don't do it...recovery is far far more than a day count.
D
But - at the end of the day...count or don't count - it's nowhere near as important as the decision to drink/ not drink, use/or not use IMO.
if counting doesn't work for you, then don't do it...recovery is far far more than a day count.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 250
ESN,
Wow, you seem to be doing so much better than a week ago. I totally understand not wanting to count days, but I haven't yet learned the skill to be in the moment. Wondering what the secret is? I know I will catch on some day, but for now, I guess it comforts be a little to quantify it.
Congrats on your sobriety. You sound very happy and content.
Wow, you seem to be doing so much better than a week ago. I totally understand not wanting to count days, but I haven't yet learned the skill to be in the moment. Wondering what the secret is? I know I will catch on some day, but for now, I guess it comforts be a little to quantify it.
Congrats on your sobriety. You sound very happy and content.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
I really enjoyed reading all of these responses!! Very cool. The addict in me wants MORE!! LOL Very appreciative to see the different perspectives.
Don't get me wrong- I think if counting days works for people- count away!! I have no judgment on ANYBODY else's ANYTHING when it comes to quitting. Hell to the NO! ME?? Oh I got NO skin in that game... No sah!! (I hope it didn't come across like I was dissing others for counting. I Truly don't feel that way.)
I was just really feeling this way tonight, and honestly curious about everyone's thoughts.
I guess maybe since I've been so disappointed in myself for achieving "time" but then relapsing...over....and..over eh herm....etc. I just don't want to place emphasis on it anymore? That might be part of it... You know?
I'm facing a lot of things that I couldn't acknowledge about myself before. Wasn't even on my radar... (Funny how things fly under the radar when the air traffic controller is friggin LOADED, WASTED, PLAMMERED!)
I have a lot of "stuff". There are some pretty intense issues I have to work real hard on (along WITH my drinking problem- not to SOLVE it) and I'm going to be in treatment for A LOT longer. (Not complaining- actually grateful, and OMG Sooohooohooo GLAD to be done with the hell that was detox.)
So yeah, I'm REALLY focused on staying in the moment and not letting myself go into my "la la land". The whole "mindfulness" / staying in the moment thing IS very difficult and totally new to me. But, it's an imperative for my recovery with dual diagnosis.
I'm working REALLY hard! I've got some good people on my team, and I'm doing the work they give me wholeheartedly- because I gots no other tricks up my sleeves... I think I may've tried them all!! DAMMIT!!!! ;-) (oooo wait, maybe I can drink "like normal" if I master the art of standing on my head while juggling chainsaws! Hmmm.... that might totally work.)
In a way... I have SO FAR to go, I don't even want to go there with counting days.
I have to say, I've always been kinda cocky (ugh...don't like to admit it... But true is true) about quitting. Right now, I feel kinda like a lost puppy! Lol But, I'm surprisingly okay with that... I think I've got some fear... Healthy fear. Because IDKWTF IM DOING! So, I just have to do NOW.
Thanks for reading/discussing guys. Sry for the ramblins.
Don't get me wrong- I think if counting days works for people- count away!! I have no judgment on ANYBODY else's ANYTHING when it comes to quitting. Hell to the NO! ME?? Oh I got NO skin in that game... No sah!! (I hope it didn't come across like I was dissing others for counting. I Truly don't feel that way.)
I was just really feeling this way tonight, and honestly curious about everyone's thoughts.
I guess maybe since I've been so disappointed in myself for achieving "time" but then relapsing...over....and..over eh herm....etc. I just don't want to place emphasis on it anymore? That might be part of it... You know?
I'm facing a lot of things that I couldn't acknowledge about myself before. Wasn't even on my radar... (Funny how things fly under the radar when the air traffic controller is friggin LOADED, WASTED, PLAMMERED!)
I have a lot of "stuff". There are some pretty intense issues I have to work real hard on (along WITH my drinking problem- not to SOLVE it) and I'm going to be in treatment for A LOT longer. (Not complaining- actually grateful, and OMG Sooohooohooo GLAD to be done with the hell that was detox.)
So yeah, I'm REALLY focused on staying in the moment and not letting myself go into my "la la land". The whole "mindfulness" / staying in the moment thing IS very difficult and totally new to me. But, it's an imperative for my recovery with dual diagnosis.
I'm working REALLY hard! I've got some good people on my team, and I'm doing the work they give me wholeheartedly- because I gots no other tricks up my sleeves... I think I may've tried them all!! DAMMIT!!!! ;-) (oooo wait, maybe I can drink "like normal" if I master the art of standing on my head while juggling chainsaws! Hmmm.... that might totally work.)
In a way... I have SO FAR to go, I don't even want to go there with counting days.
I have to say, I've always been kinda cocky (ugh...don't like to admit it... But true is true) about quitting. Right now, I feel kinda like a lost puppy! Lol But, I'm surprisingly okay with that... I think I've got some fear... Healthy fear. Because IDKWTF IM DOING! So, I just have to do NOW.
Thanks for reading/discussing guys. Sry for the ramblins.
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