Angel1234

I thank you to all of you who replied to my post earlier in the week. My status is that I'm a total wreck. I almost started crying at work yesterday. I have a pretty demanding job and have to be focused so I'm trying my best. I've barely slept. Have nightmares. Wake up at 2:30 every night and never fall back asleep. I just called our employee assistance program to reach out to talk to a therapist. I'm at least lucky that I have these internal resources because there's no way I can leave in the middle of the day to go out and see a therapist during the week.

I know everyone said no contact but I couldn't help it. Last night I took blocks off and sent several texts to my ex explaining how serious this situation is now and how based on the lies his mother told CPS that they are involved in an investigation and that apparently I'm such a disaster my daughter would be better off in a foster home. I explained that now families and their businesses are brought into this including my daycare provider, how my daughter is saying to me that she knows he can't come around because he called the police on us, how he is just as much to blame for all of this as his mother is and how he knows damn well I would never neglect my daughter or abuse her. I told him that as a mother I should have known better and that the worse thing I ever did to her was allow his chaos into my home.

He did respond with saying this is all so bad and he feels like sh--t and he's not going to defend himself to what I'm stating and that it is all his fault things went this way and it went to far and apologizing. Bla bla bla.

I know you all said no contact but at least I have those documented texts. I left work yesterday when I almost had a melt down to go to the police station and picked up a copy of my police report. I felt much better because it documented my converstaion with the police. However, before I went to bed I realized that I hadn't read a note that the police officer was responding to a previous call and it had a different case number. I thought when I read my report that was all that was documented. Now I have to still worry about the claims they made to the police that the CPS agent will see.

I just want this next month to be over! I'm terrified.

Fandy

If you are so *terrified* why are you telling HIM? so he has more fuel to use against you when he and his family does it again?

On November 3 or whatever date, you said you hit your "rock bottom" with involvement, you wrote that YOU had been drinking and did not eat, confronted his friends, the police, etc the other day you were at your worst and upset...then you decide to text him? and tell him how upset you are? Are you thinking of the welfare of your daughter at all? Didn't his PARENTS tell you NEVER to contact them again? They threatened to take out a RO against you....they are not playing nicey nice cos it's Christmas.

don't be surprised when he and his family take out a RO against you.

If you HAVE to talk to someone make it a therapist. This kind of ongoing obsession with text him is immature, is not good for you and your child, you seem to be dragging her along for the ride.

Angel1234

OK your point is taken well. I did NOT contact his parents. Not at all. I contacted him. Not sure it was a good idea but he needs to understand what he created in LIES. I at least received documentation back from him that he is admitting this is all his fault and it should have never gone this far.

cleaninLI

Angel Honey! I know this is scary for you! Your love and fear of losing your daughter screams out from your posts! I'm sure it will be alright! The cps know exactly how to weed through all the BS! They WILL NOT take your daughter away from you! There would have to be significant proof that your child is being abused or neglected. They cannot just rush in and grab her without proof!

While I was at my IOP there were so many women there, single moms, on drugs and in far worst situations that were allowed to keep their children at home with them as long as they completed a program as well as a parenting class. Removing a child from the mother's care is a last resort! These agencies work with the families to keep children in their Homes. They DO NOT like removing kids from their parents. They usually mandate parents to parenting classes first if a case is indicated. They go and check on the children and search the home for several months. If the child is truly being abused or neglected after all the steps are followed then they remove the children and place them in foster care. Most calls made to cps are bogus calls and they KNOW that. Ok, so you made a mistake by having a relationship with an addict. It's over now. You learned your lesson and now he's out of your life. Keep him out of your life. He's bad news!

If you can why don't you speak with an attorney? If anything that may put your fears into perspective and reassure you that you will NOT loose your daughter.
(((Hugs)))

Fandy

i think that you may be splitting hairs. He is with his family, he lives with them, his parents support him.
you keep thinking you can make him feel bad, but you may be setting yourself up.
You need to put your child first...instead of keeping this DRAMA going on and on and on.
keeping his dog, having xmas gifts sent to his house ( so you have an excuse to go there)?
i don't think you WANT to be done yet, and that is something you have to figure out for yourself.
But you need to stop exposing your 4 year old to this type of relationship. and take responsibility to protect her, not make excuses....

i hope you will see that when you are ready, before you enmesh yourself in another crisis.
if someone's family told me to never call, never contact them again, i would listen...especially if it involved what they just did 3 days ago...i wouldnt be texting to get *my pov* across....

glitterdeva

I am not going to tell you that talking to him is totally pointless, you know that already. Honestly, I come from a background where telling on people is wrong, even if they are not the best people in the world, you know? What him and his mother did is very low, it was done to hurt you and your daughter, it is a punch under the belt, low, low, low, low. He is a low man, (pardon me 100 times) not a man in my eyes. To call CPS on his woman knowing that there is a possibility she might lose her daughter?

Now about CPS. I had experience with them (pm me if you want I will tell u in more detail), nobody took my kids, it took about 30 days, they came to my house, i had to take **** tests, etc. It was a hustle, but in the end my kids stayed with me. Nothing will happen, CPS will not take your daughter away.

Angel1234

OK I read cleanins post and instantly started to cry. My daughter is with her dad. It's her weekend with him. I'm at home after a 7 am to 5:30pm day and was exhausted and I just want to cry. I work for a large company that offers great benefits....including free legal advice for things so I did talk to people. They told me all of this. I think what is making me have meltdowns, nightmares, etc is the fact that I am blaming ME for allowing him into our lives.

I am done. I am DONE. The purpose of my texts was not to get him back. It was to say "hey, this is what you and your mother created in a child's life but at the end of the day I blame ME for letting you yo-yo in and out of our lives!"

Fandy - I don't think I've cried like this since my father died. I want the tough love. I appreciate your comments. Yes, you are right. When I had those gifts sent to his house, I didn't want it to be done. I held on. He does not live with his parents. He lives in a second condo they own but who cares. My texts were just sent to make me feel like my god, do you have a soul? Did this person I spent this much time with not even have a soul? At least he recognized he felt he was to blame and that is all I needed. I feel like a failure to my daughter not because I neglected or abused her by any means but that I would let all of this get to this point.

I'm blaming me. I should have protected my daughter against this person. I get it. I loved him so much but am questioning WHY? I beat myself up every second of the day but I just can't believe that people would do something so atrocious. I can't. As much craziness as I've read on this board I never believed it would happen to me.

Angel1234

And Fandy I apologize for not stating this more clearly but he does not live with them. They are the legal owners of the condo he has lived in for several years. Makes me even more sick that I couldn't underatnd that a 40 year old has to depend on them for a place to live. They threatened me that night by saying don't come around this property because it's ours and we can have legal recourse. I have not gone back there. They came here. Not that it really makes any difference in the end. I'm dealing with an almost 40 year old who has his parents deciding his life which should have been a clue for me to run years ago. I get it.

Fandy

Angel, I'm not trying to be mean to you (just older and wiser)...but whether he lives with them is irrelevant...he lives in a property that they own...he is not an independent person.

Mama and Daddy support his 40 year old drug infested assss. He is not an independent thinker, he could care less about right and wrong ....he says yes to shut you up.

You can do better and you deserve better. work on YOURSELF. I hope your daughter has some stability with her father at least. She does not need to even KNOW this person, let alone be told WHY he can't come around or the dog....that is not protecting her, it is exposing her to his element.

I really think that you need to grow up and be an adult if you want to be a good parent.

Angel1234

Fandy - thank you. I think the same and need to hear it. I told him the same..........that he is an almost 40 year old that at this point is being ruled by his parents and that didn't fit with my life.Of course all hell broke loose.

I'm going to bed guys. I'm really hoping at 8 pm my time I can at least sleep thru 2:30 am.

Thank you once again.