leenamarie

I'm a 52 yr old smart, beautiful woman from a wonderful strong Italian family. And I'm wondering how I did this to myself?!!

I lost my well paying job after 11 yrs. I lost my condo. I became involved in a very abusive relationship w/ a young man (22) who lived with me the last year. I smoked weed with him every day...paid for it all cuz he wasn't working (never thought I'd be 'that kind of woman'!)...and when his 'meal ticket' ran out of money...he moved out...but oh yeah, he came back to continue to take and abuse knowing I had no emotional strength or physical strength to fight him off. And along came other thugs and hoodlums who partied and abused and took.

I KNOW I am responsible for all of this! Ultimately, I made very bad and dangerous decisions. I felt so all alone. My family did tough love right from the beginning and didn't intervene at all.

My dear friend Richard finally did 2 weeks ago, and let me live in a room in his peaceful townhouse far enough away from it all.

BUT the abuser asked to see me the other day. He told me everything I wanted to hear...then got what he wanted...and basically laughed in my face and told me there was NO WAY he was going to have a relationship with me because OF ME!

I can't even think straight to write this message! BUT THAT SAID...I am done with the abuse...the drinking...the drugs...


I have an opportunity to start over...go back to school...get a new job in a less stressful career I will enjoy.

I have my health. I have my family. Two grown sons. And 3 beautiful grandchildren.

I'm just shell shocked and traumatized but the blur of the last year and more so the last 4 months.

I am happy I am in a better place...BUT RIGHT NOW...I STILL FEAR MY ABUSER MANIPULATING ME AND MY SOBRIETY! I MUST KEEP HIM OUT OF MY LIFE. BLOCK AND DELETE EVERYTHING FROM HIM! HE WILL NEVER CHANGE! IN FACT HE'S GOTTEN WORSE!

10 days sober.

1 day clean (no weed).

1 day free (no contact with my abuser).

And I'm happy to have found an outlet. Yes, I need to go to a program (AA?). I am also waiting for my insurance matters to be straightened out so I can get some counseling.

I can't believe I did this! :-(

Thepatman

Welcome to SR! Don't feel bad for a bad person. He's not worth your tears. If he contacts you call the police and put a restraining order in place.

Then you concentrate on your sobriety. I know you can do this, we all do here on SR!

Raider

Very sorry to hear that happened to you. Please take care do yourself now, you are worth it.

Anna

Welcome!

I think it's amazing how quickly things can go downhill, isn't it! I'm sorry for all you've gone through and for the abuse. It could be that therapy of some kind would be helpful to you to deal with the issues involved.

Congratulations on your decision to turn your life around. We are here to support you.

Hevyn

Welcome leenamarie. I'm so happy you found us. It helps not to be alone anymore.

I was also in my 50's when I quit for good. It was exhausting to continue. I did some out of character & dangerous things while drinking too. That person bears no resemblance to the real me - & I'm so glad she's gone. Try not to focus on the remorse and guilt you're feeling - try to look forward to the beautiful new life you'll have.

Carlotta

to SR. You will find a lot of support here and I hope you will join us at the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4343136
As far as your ex goes, no contact is definitely the way to go. If you have not already done so, get the app Mr Number. It will block his texts and hang up on his calls and the price is right: free. I love it, I call it my Codie App
Mr. Number - Identify spammers and block calls & texts on your mobile phone

leenamarie

Carolotta: "Behold the power of NO"! I LOVE IT! And it's the second time this week I saw a message telling me that! Thank you for your kind words and for caring. It helps for sure!

leenamarie

Hevyn: How reassuring to know that someone else understands and has gone thru much the same. Yes, so many things said and done out of character! I am NOT that woman! I will leave her behind for sure! Even though I hurt I will forgive myself and I KNOW I will learn and grow and be a better stronger woman for all of this! Thank you so much!

KateL

You are being so strong. Well done, keep it up hun xxxx

leenamarie

Thank you Anna. Yes, I cannot believe how quickly things spiraled out of control and how quickly I lost everything...material things though. I have my health...and such dear people in my life. I sure do appreciate the simpler things in life now. I'm so happy I found this site and support!

leenamarie

Welcome to SR! Don't feel bad for a bad person. He's not worth your tears. If he contacts you call the police and put a restraining order in place.

Then you concentrate on your sobriety. I know you can do this, we all do here on SR!
__________________
Only a man or women who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his/her soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.

Muhammad Ali



Thank you Thepatman! How true! "don't feel bad for a bad person" and yes, I know, he is not worth my tears. He took advantage of a good person who loved and cared about him, a bad person. Live and learn. I'm so happy for the all the support here tonite!

leenamarie

You are being so strong. Well done, keep it up hun xxxx
__________________
Do not berate yourself for your past - or you lose today and your future ©

KateL: Thank you so much. I'm trying my best to be strong. I know I am a strong woman. I know I can do this. Thank you for believing in me!

Twinings

Welcome Leena
Some good advice here... keep strong!

leenamarie

Very sorry to hear that happened to you. Please take care do yourself now, you are worth it.
__________________
Justice: when you get what you deserve
Mercy: when you don't get what you deserve
Grace: when you get what you don't deserve

Raider: I'm thanking everyone tonite. I feel so much better hearing from others. I promise to take care of myself. I know I'm worth it...now I just need to start practicing it...and say "NO!" to those who will abuse and take advantage of me. I promise myself I will! And with the support of those here I know I can do this and recover and be a better stronger woman for the second half of my amazing life!

P.S. I LOVE the quote...especially the part about "grace".

Notimetoloose

Hi leenamarie, welcome, its so great you are here and just wonderful the steps you have already made. You can do this.
I cant stress enough the importance and the power of Carlottas words, for no contact, block this 'wingnut' from you phone and email and inform those around you that you wish no contact... there is absolutely nothing in it for him for you to get your life back in order...
protect yourself in your recovery.

leenamarie

Hi leenamarie, welcome, its so great you are here and just wonderful the steps you have already made. You can do this.
I cant stress enough the importance and the power of Carlottas words, for no contact, block this 'wingnut' from you phone and email and inform those around you that you wish no contact... there is absolutely nothing in it for him for you to get your life back in order...protect yourself in your recovery.

Notimetoloose: Thank you for your support! The words from one and all about NO CONTACT with MY ABUSER (I will NOT call him my ex, my boyfriend, or by his name)...he is nothing but a criminal thug...and...MY ABUSER! AND...wingnut! That soooo made me LOL!

Yes, I promise...I will respect and protect myself in recovery!

autan

Knowing you have a problem, is the only way to begin to figure out how to start going about fixing it. You have a lot on your plate and there is no shame in asking for help, when you feel you might not cope on your own.

I personally have been rebuilding my own life from the ground up, it takes time and patience but it is worth it.

leenamarie

"Knowing you have a problem, is the only way to begin to figure out how to start going about fixing it. You have a lot on your plate and there is no shame in asking for help, when you feel you might not cope on your own.

I personally have been rebuilding my own life from the ground up, it takes time and patience but it is worth it.
__________________
I am beginning to realise that its not alcohol that is the problem, it is me that is the problem and that I abuse alcohol.

Last alcoholic drink Sunday 13th October 2013"



Autan: So true about knowing one has a problem. Yes, so much on my plate...so many stresses happened at once. It's good to hear that there is NO SHAME in asking for help.

Stay strong! We will rebuild from the ground up together! There are strength in numbers!

Congrats on staying sober since Oct 13th!

autan

The AA isnt for eveyone, there are other groups.

A solution that has benefited me, is hypnotherapy. It has helped me deal with the problems in my life, instead of sitting down with a glass and forgetting about them until the morning, then I would have problems, plus hangover and the worse bit for me (sickness).

I used to hate feeling sick and being sick.

You can do it, because you must. Drinking and drug taking seriously damages your health and wealth. I know this sounds like a poster in the Doctors Surgery, but ask yourself how much you would spend a week on these addictions. Next you realise as I did, that your health starts to suffer, very slightly at first, you may put weight on, then feel tired. Basically, your internal organs are working 24/7 to not just keep you alive, but detox your body.

After years of assault, eventually they wear down and fail.

I have been clean for 2 months and my skin has returned to being softer, my breath smells infinity better. I dont feel as tired as I used to anymore. No sickness, fewer colds and coughs.

Unthetered sleep, means when I work, I can work better and concentrate more, meaning in my job more money. More money, means I can actually start saving for the first time ever.

Hypnotherapy has allowed me to see me, from a third party perspective and see the point of impact when I go from the daytime me, that doesn't drink in the day to the night time me, that tells me, I want a drink to reward myself for working hard.

I had a session, where I visualised my whole day and how hard I had worked and then at night punished my body with alcohol and then forced it to work a hard day, again and again. It was very upsetting, I actually felt sorry for my body and realised I had a fault that needed to be fixed. Once fixed, I am now treating my body to a well earned rest each day, alcohol free and in return it helps me work better the next day.

I am not sure if this make sense yet, keep sober and it will.

freshstart57

LeenaMarie, many years ago I was in a bad romantic relationship. It was not as bad as yours by the sound of it, but she lied to me, cheated on me, stole from me, and made a fool out of me. So the day came when I cut off all contact. Scorched earth. I finally got it that those sunshine days of new romance with the daisies and the butterflies were gone, never to return. It was tough for a while, but I never went back on my promise to myself to cut myself free of her and that relationship.

More recently I had a relationship with vodka that was similar in many ways. It lied to me, it cheated me of my self respect and ambition, it stole my mental and physical health and made a fool out of me too. Just as she did. And the day came for vodka too just as it had for whassername. I cut off all contact with the stuff, and went through the same process to be done with it, and done for good.

Now, the similarities continue in that she and that vodka bottle have no place in my present. If we were to get back together, either the woman or the vodka, my life would go right down the toilet. There is nothing that could ever get me to even give it a try, the woman or the vodka, on any level because I know that a moderate or casual relationship is not possible. I am free of the woman, and of my addiction forever.

LeenaMarie, maybe this story can help you too. You can cut off all contact with both your abusive BF and with alcohol. You can make that same scorched earth decision about your abuser and with alcohol. You can be free of both of them, and free forever.

Just like Autan says, you can do this and you will succeed simply because you must. Believe that you deserve a life without this abuser in it, just as you deserve a life without alcohol in it. Make that plan about ever seeing either of them again, and then do it. Onward!