Back, and trying to turn the guilt into a positive
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 65
Back, and trying to turn the guilt into a positive
I've come to realize that the guilt over my most recent alcohol related screw up goes beyond this one time. It is the guilt of everything I've done wrong as a result of drugs/alcohol, still there, all balled up and ready to torment me every time I add to it with another screw up.
The only way I can think of to dissolve that guilt is to respond to it and act out of integrity. Whether it's the disease model of alcoholism or a behavioral issue isn't important. What's important is that I respond to what I feel is the right thing to do. And that's as much as anyone else needs to know.
(Being labeled "alcoholic" has been a deterrent for me to stop drinking. I have it in my mind that if people found out, I would be treated differently and it would have a negative impact on future opportunities for friendship, dating, relationships and ultimately starting a family.)
So if the why-you-don't-drink conversation comes up, I can respond to it like this:
"Why don't you drink?"
"It got me into some trouble, and because of that I felt a responsibility to give it up."
"What kind of trouble?"
"I got a DUI."
"Well good for you for taking that seriously."
Nobody has to know the details, or the extent of any negative consequences. All they need to know is that I identified a problem, took responsibility for it, and am following through with my decision to make it right. Integrity.
Plus, there are the many other health and lifestyle advantages to be had just by giving up alcohol that will hopefully outshine what whatever opportunities I perceive as having lost.
The hard part about making the commitment to not
do something is that you're never done meeting that commitment until you die. And that's daunting. One day of integrity at a time, I guess.
Greg
The only way I can think of to dissolve that guilt is to respond to it and act out of integrity. Whether it's the disease model of alcoholism or a behavioral issue isn't important. What's important is that I respond to what I feel is the right thing to do. And that's as much as anyone else needs to know.
(Being labeled "alcoholic" has been a deterrent for me to stop drinking. I have it in my mind that if people found out, I would be treated differently and it would have a negative impact on future opportunities for friendship, dating, relationships and ultimately starting a family.)
So if the why-you-don't-drink conversation comes up, I can respond to it like this:
"Why don't you drink?"
"It got me into some trouble, and because of that I felt a responsibility to give it up."
"What kind of trouble?"
"I got a DUI."
"Well good for you for taking that seriously."
Nobody has to know the details, or the extent of any negative consequences. All they need to know is that I identified a problem, took responsibility for it, and am following through with my decision to make it right. Integrity.
Plus, there are the many other health and lifestyle advantages to be had just by giving up alcohol that will hopefully outshine what whatever opportunities I perceive as having lost.
The hard part about making the commitment to not
do something is that you're never done meeting that commitment until you die. And that's daunting. One day of integrity at a time, I guess.
Greg
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Focus on getting some non-drinking accumulated, then you can worry about how to address questions about your non-drinking.
But I can promise you this, it's going to come up a lot less than you are worried about.
As for the guilt and the mistakes that have happened. There is no changing the past. But you can change the present and ensure that the past doesn't repeat itself. That goes a long way in reducing the guilt.
But I can promise you this, it's going to come up a lot less than you are worried about.
As for the guilt and the mistakes that have happened. There is no changing the past. But you can change the present and ensure that the past doesn't repeat itself. That goes a long way in reducing the guilt.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
My relative quit drinking because it gives him gout. Other than that he had no problem with alcohol. It's amazing to watch how easily he does the "no thanks, I don't drink" response simply because it is the right thing to do. Equally amazing is that it works so easily.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Greg, the 'not drinking' will be something that becomes easy and normal for you in time. Right now, it seems daunting, but you can do it and it's worth the effort.
By the way, I don't label myself an alcoholic. I am so much more than that. I am a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a friend, a co-worker, a volunteer and many more things. No need to limit yourself with a label.
By the way, I don't label myself an alcoholic. I am so much more than that. I am a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a friend, a co-worker, a volunteer and many more things. No need to limit yourself with a label.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
