Susie2005

Hi. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months. I didn't know him at all up until a couple months before we started dating. A couple of months ago, a lot of rumors were going around that he was doing Oxycontin. He denied it and I had seen no obvious signs so I completely sided with him and believed him. Well, the rumors kept coming from more and more people. One weekend I decided to do some snooping (I know, I shouldn't have even done that in the first place). First, I check messages from a lady who he had told me before that he bought Adderall from. He has had a prescription for Adderall for many years (he's 32 by the way), but he always seems to run out before the month ends. He says it's because he gives them to his friends when they ask and occasionally sells them. Anyway, I checked the messages from that lady and it there was a message from him from 3 days before that asking her if she had any Rox. The next morning, when I woke up, he was gone. I called him to see where he was and he told me that he was cleaning out his car (his sunroof won't close all the way on his car and it poured down rain the night before so this seemed legitimate). But something still didn't feel right, so I looked on the "Find iPhone" app and he was 30 minutes away. So, I knew he was lying about washing the car because there is a car wash place not even a minute from his house. While he was gone, I looked in his bag that he usually carries with him everywhere and I found what looked like to be a smaller plastic straw and a empty suboxone sublingual strip wrapper. Well, I decided to confront him about all this. I first told him about reading the message. He told me that rox is another name for a small xanax (which I've never heard it called that before). So, then I asked him about the things I found in his bag. He said he had no idea where the straw came from but he admitted to me that he had an opiate addiction in the past and he has been taking suboxone to not take pills. So, then I asked him about where he had been that morning and he stuck to his story and looked me in the eye and lied. I told him how I knew he was lying and he got extremely angry and basically said we needed to break up. Well, we ended up talking it out and calming down and I told him I would leave him alone about it and he could talk to me when he was ready. A few weeks ago, he decided to be honest with me and tell me about going to get the suboxone (he was on a prescription for it before but now buys it from people instead of a doctor because there is no longer a doctor in town that can prescribe it). I told him how much I appreciated his honesty and that I was fine with him taking suboxone if it kept it from taking pain pills. I did tell him that I would prefer if he got it from a doctor so that it would be legal and he said he didn't have the money then because it's several hundred dollars for the first month. So, I left it alone again and we said we would talk about it later. Well, last Friday he had to play a show in my hometown (he's a musician in an acoustic band) and I could not be in town that night. He got pulled over and arrested that night because the cop found the suboxone. The charge was originally a felony but got lowered to a misdemeanor. His mom had to pay almost $1000 to bail him out, get his car back, etc. He was supposed to be getting $1000 for Christmas (that we had talked about him using to go to the doctor for suboxone before this all happened) and now he is giving that to her to pay for the fines (which I totally agree with). After he got out of Jail that day, I told him that I felt it was really important for him to quit getting the suboxone illegally and that he needed to save his money to go to the doctor as soon as he could. I spent several hours calling 13 different doctors offices to find out if they could take him and any details about there program. He insisted that money was too tight right now and that he'll go after Christmas. So once again, I left it alone. Last night I was at his house and he just seemed to be acting a little strange. He came and sat by me on the bed for a little while after he had been out of the room for a while and I noticed he kept sniffing a lot. But, he really didn't seem to me to be high on anything. I went to the bathroom a little later and saw his wallet in there which he usually doesn't leave in the bathroom. He had told me before that he kept the suboxone in the coin pocket so I decided to look and see if suboxone was in there. And it wasn't...but there was a clear little bag with a little bit of white powder in it. I couldn't even bring myself to confront him about it because I was pretty much in shock. I mean this is 5 days after he got arrested and was sitting in jail for having the suboxone illegally. I came back to my house today and started thinking about odd little things I have noticed but paid no mind to over the past few months. I went to my guest bathroom because he is basically the only one that uses it when he stays with me. Here's what I found the in little trash can (most of which I had actually picked up and thrown away so it's not like he was trying to hide it): a pen that has been broken; the part that holds the ink has been cut in half with nothing in it and one end is closed up; the cap for the pen has a half of a cigarette filter inside of it; a CD cover that is broken and from what I've read online it has little marks that look like where a pill was crushed on it; the cover of the CD is a cardstock paper and it is folded in half; there's a plastic water bottle cap that may or may not have the slightest trace of what looks like crumbs from a crushed up pill; 2 other cigarette filters that look like they have blue ink on them from the pen; and a q tip that is cut in half. I've spent all day researching what all these things can be used for. The one thing I cannot find is what why would someone put a cigarette filter inside of the ink pen cap? I honestly don't know what to do at this point. He says that he's only buying the suboxone and he did recently admit that the message was about buying Roxies. He told me that if he absolutely can't find any suboxone that he will take a roxy just so he won't have withdrawals. He tells me that he is clean now and not getting high and that he's being completely honest with me about everything, but that's obviously not the case. I would have never thought he did any kind of drugs before all this. He is one of the sweetest boyfriends I have had and we spend almost every day together (I am currently going to veterinary college 2 hours away, so we don't always get to see each other every day). I have honestly never picked up on any behaviors that I would think would come from somebody who is dependent on drugs. After finding the white powder in the bag (I don't know enough about drugs to know which drug that was), I know there's obviously more going on than just him taking the suboxone. I don't know what I need to do from here though. I do truly believe there is a genuine good person in there that made stupid mistakes in his past and he still can't get past them. But, if he's lying about his drug use I don't know what else I can do from here. Any advice would be appreciated and anyone who knows what the cigarette filter in the pen cap is for and can tell me that would also be greatly appreciated. Thanks and sorry this is ridiculously long.

doggonecarl

Sorry for what brings you here.

I am an addict, drugs and alcohol. So that is the perspective that I bring to your post. Your boyfriend is an addict. He will do whatever it takes to protect that addiction. That means lie to you.

There is little you can do to help him if he doesn't want to get help. And because everything he says could be a lie, how you can you believe it if he says he isn't using or wants to stop?

You have 7 months with this guy. Let me ask you, why would you even consider staying in a relationship with an addict in active addiction? But if you decide to stay, buckle your seat belt because the ride is going to get rough. And if you don't believe me, visit the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers and read of the chaos that loving an addict brings with it.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

As for the cigarette filter, the only use I can think of is to filter insoluble particles when injecting drugs.

Ruby2

Hi Susie,

I recommend the family and friends of substance a users forum. it sounds like your boyfriend is actively using something. It doesn't matter what he uses. He is still using. Seven months isn't all that long a period of time out of your life. Do you want to hitch your wagon to an addict who uses and lies to you? Who is apparently using drugs in your home?

He doesn't sound like he is interested in quitting. I would back off of the relationship. Good luck. Read here for information and support.