Update-God must think I'm a bad a$$
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 97
Update-God must think I'm a bad a$$
So my back story was a husband who did OP treatment 2 years ago, went off the rails, and I came here seeking advice on how to tell the kids Daddy would be gone for a month. He has completed 3 weeks of rehab and seems to be doing well. We visited after 10 days, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, which went well. A week ago I had a bad accident-head first down a flight of concrete stairs-actually the docs are amazed I wasn't much more badly hurt, but besides scrapes and bruises and a gash on my cheek, my worst injury was a shattered left arm and wrist-11 screws, 2 pins, and a titanium plate, with an L-shaped cast on my left arm.
Didn't call hubby from ER, but he called the next morning so I filled him in. It's been so weird to balance letting him know I have lots of help and support and don't want him to leave rehab, yet still really missing him and wishing he was here. Besides him being gone, my parents (live 2 hours away) were also out of town. I had great coworkers who have stepped in and were there for the first 24 hours. My sister came in from out of town to help for a few days, and now my parents are back and here helping. I will be on my own soon for a couple days until my parents drive back and will have to make the 7 hour round trip trek to go pick up hubby next week.
What a whirlwind of stuff to be dealing with-I couldn't go for my family impact letter session this week, and we'll only have made the 1 visit. I am still really wanting to make sure he has his head fully in the game to get the most out of this rehab experience. The director and his counselor had to really convince him not to leave once he heard about my accident (and this is all on top of me having driven in the ditch in a snowstorm on the way home from dropping him off at rehab!) and I am glad about that. He really does seem to be making good progress and has said several times he knows it was the right choice to go to rehab. Although the guilt he is feeling now about not being here for me and others having to step in to help when that should be "his job" is killing him. I guess part of this process is learning how to cope with stressful events in healthier ways, so maybe being in a supportive environment while having to deal with this, along with how it feels to be separated from those you love even when they are hurting will all be good for him in the end? Trying to find a silver lining in all this, I guess.
They say God doesn't give us more than we can handle, so all I can figure is that God must really think I'm a bad a$$. Sigh...life is amazing, but really stinking hard sometimes...
Didn't call hubby from ER, but he called the next morning so I filled him in. It's been so weird to balance letting him know I have lots of help and support and don't want him to leave rehab, yet still really missing him and wishing he was here. Besides him being gone, my parents (live 2 hours away) were also out of town. I had great coworkers who have stepped in and were there for the first 24 hours. My sister came in from out of town to help for a few days, and now my parents are back and here helping. I will be on my own soon for a couple days until my parents drive back and will have to make the 7 hour round trip trek to go pick up hubby next week.
What a whirlwind of stuff to be dealing with-I couldn't go for my family impact letter session this week, and we'll only have made the 1 visit. I am still really wanting to make sure he has his head fully in the game to get the most out of this rehab experience. The director and his counselor had to really convince him not to leave once he heard about my accident (and this is all on top of me having driven in the ditch in a snowstorm on the way home from dropping him off at rehab!) and I am glad about that. He really does seem to be making good progress and has said several times he knows it was the right choice to go to rehab. Although the guilt he is feeling now about not being here for me and others having to step in to help when that should be "his job" is killing him. I guess part of this process is learning how to cope with stressful events in healthier ways, so maybe being in a supportive environment while having to deal with this, along with how it feels to be separated from those you love even when they are hurting will all be good for him in the end? Trying to find a silver lining in all this, I guess.
They say God doesn't give us more than we can handle, so all I can figure is that God must really think I'm a bad a$$. Sigh...life is amazing, but really stinking hard sometimes...
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 427
I love the title of this post! I'm glad you're okay and it sounds like rehab is great for hubby. Two things I took away from reading this are: you know you can handle the worst without hubby if anything were to happen, and that you are a tough cookie!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
So funny...my husband told me last night "I think God thinks you are a real bad azz!" Then I read your post!
Sounds like you are hanging in there and drawing from your wonderful support system. There is so much guilt and shame regarding the sober addict. I am sure that this added to it but it's good where he is so that he could learn to use his tools to cope.
I pray for your speedy recovery!
Sounds like you are hanging in there and drawing from your wonderful support system. There is so much guilt and shame regarding the sober addict. I am sure that this added to it but it's good where he is so that he could learn to use his tools to cope.
I pray for your speedy recovery!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Are you taking care of you? And I hope I read correctly that someone else, not you, is making the 7 hour RT to get your husband? I just had shoulder surgery last week, and am not allowed to drive with a sling, and probably not for 6 weeks until I can really control the wheel.
So if it's not just being a bad azzz, as the other poster called it, what's up with all these accidents? Just generally too stressed, hurrying, not paying attention? Sometimes they are signals to ourselves about stuff we just don't want to articulate but can't quite hide
ShootingStar1
So if it's not just being a bad azzz, as the other poster called it, what's up with all these accidents? Just generally too stressed, hurrying, not paying attention? Sometimes they are signals to ourselves about stuff we just don't want to articulate but can't quite hide
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Happy to hear you are ok & I think you have a very good attitude. Your making it through even though he is not there ( and of course its ok to miss him; he's your husband). I also think yes it is good he has the support of rehab to help him deal with his emotions - that is such a big part of recovery - learning how to cope with life - this is a good test for him. I hope you feel better soon, and I hope his rehab continues to go well.
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