James18

Every time now, when I drink there are problems. I need to stop now. I never know what drinking will do to my moods, but I'm never happy any more when drunk. I don't think I'm happy period. My life is not even close to what I want it to be and booze really isn't helping matters. Now I suspect my OH is having doubts about us getting married.

anchorbird

James, the day I realized I threw in the towel was my lowest point. Part of me didn't want to live any longer, but another part of me just wanted to get out of that hole. Alcohol did all of that to me!! I have put it down and my life has changed tremendously!! You can do this!

FourSeasons

Hi James... Sometimes it takes a lot longer for some people to get that they cannot have "just one". I knew it took me my entire adult life, up until roughly 4 months ago, to finally accept this fact.

Remember how badly you feel when you drink and all the reasons why you want to stop.

For example, on 12/05/2013 you posted a thread entitled, "I'm an Alcoholic" and here is what you wrote:Save yourself some needless pain... take control and just stop drinking...

Thepatman

You can make this happen James, just make a plan, detailed about positive changes you can bring in your life, about what support system you will use.

resolute50

One of the worst things that alcohol robs you of is JOY.
Good news is after a couple months of sobriety it returns like a butterfly that will land on your shoulder.
It happened to me.

James18

Thanks for the reminder FourSeasons, it would probably do me good to look through my old posts, because I'm extremely good at forgetting the bad bits once I want to drink.

heath480

Throw the towel in,hard at the beginning but life is easier to cope with sober.

James18

This is exactly how I feel - like nothing has any importance or enjoyment to it. I can't seem to get excited about things anymore. Putting some joy back into my life would be reason enough to stop drinking on its own. I started to feel better just after 8 days I managed.

ClearMind

It's hard to know where your "rock bottom" is... I suppose I've had many rock bottoms but I've always been too stubborn to quit, until recently. It gets better!

dwtbd

I wanted to quit drinking , I wanted to end my addiction. In the beginning I think it was important to see the 'wanting' and the 'doing' as separate. Even when I decided to stop drinking , I wanted to that's the addiction , that and continuing to act on that want. The longer I didn't act on wanting to drink, the less I wanted to drink.
With time I could look at the wanting and start to see what it really was I thought I wanted. When actively addicted I believed the lies I thought drinking could give me, the 'joy' ,the contentment, the relaxation , all the things I wanted and thought alcohol was giving me , it wasn't giving me those things actually quite the opposite.
I guess what I mean is the wanting to drink may not go away automatically, especially in the beginning but to quit the 'doing' has to stop, right?
wish you well

MIRecovery

When I was willing to make real change in my life things started to get better

EndGameNYC

Everyone has doubts as the "big day" approaches.

Perhaps your own trepidation about being married is provoking it's own anxiety that leads you to drink? After all, the best way to get your OH to back out is for you to either continue drinking or to have the kind of binge, and the ensuing row, that you recently described. This sleight of mind would also allow you to indulge the delusion that it was she who "backed out," and not you, further providing you with excuses to drink.

Human beings have elevated acts of bad faith or self trickery to an art form; our minds have a great capacity to trick us in thousands of ways. Alcoholic thinking only complicates this process, and we typically only become aware of the lies when it's much too late...if at all.

ScottFromWI

It's worth it James, otherwise none of us would be here. 8 days is a great accomplishment, but to be fair you really were still probably not even 100% past the acute withdrawal period.

Bottom line, you have to choose sobriety as your number one goal. Until you do, you'll continue the cycle. You mentioned not too long about trying out some meetings - did that ever materialize?

James18

Hi Scott, I'm not sure if the AA route is for me so I haven't been to a meeting. After yesterday though I'm more willing to try something different. Things have got to change.

ScottFromWI

Not to harp on this, but how could you know if it's for you or not if you haven't been to a meeting? Like you said thigns need to change - why not make a change and just try it out? The worst thing that could happen is you spend an hour with some people who have the same affliction and goals as you and then you go home. Even if you never go back again you learn something about how others get sober.

Nonsensical

A theory on why it's hard to learn is covered in the first 90 seconds or so of this video.

8. Hypofrontality in addiction - YouTube

Hard to deal with a brain that isn't functioning properly, but it can be done.

YOU can do this. Get after it!

Anna

James, I was at the point where every time I drank, there were problems, just as you said. I had zero control over that and my life was a mess. Believe me that you can stop drinking and learn to live a sober life.