My first step to admit it and share
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 68
My first step to admit it and share
Hi All
OK I don't have a problem...or so I think?
I never knew I was drinking too much until I realised the emotional mess and silly texts, facebook messages and calls I was making. Saying things that I do not normally say or write.
Ive been asking myself these questions:
Where did it all go wrong?
Why is stopping to drink such a challenge to me?
Should I give it up completely or not?
I had managed to not drink all week and then on Saturday a bottle of vodka. I don't even know why I drank it.
I just know the worry and anxiety it gave me.
I have managed to stay sober since Sunday and I have resorted to giving my bank cards to someone to stop access to money.
Is any one else going through this?
OK I don't have a problem...or so I think?
I never knew I was drinking too much until I realised the emotional mess and silly texts, facebook messages and calls I was making. Saying things that I do not normally say or write.
Ive been asking myself these questions:
Where did it all go wrong?
Why is stopping to drink such a challenge to me?
Should I give it up completely or not?
I had managed to not drink all week and then on Saturday a bottle of vodka. I don't even know why I drank it.
I just know the worry and anxiety it gave me.
I have managed to stay sober since Sunday and I have resorted to giving my bank cards to someone to stop access to money.
Is any one else going through this?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Going through it every day Josafe, I'm over 3 weeks sober now, but that was my pattern, sober weekdays, bottle of whisky Fri and Sat nights!
All I know is I can't drink in moderation, I had to cut the alcohol out completely! I wouldn't stress on "where it went wrong", just on the future, if you feel you need to quit completely then this Forum is a great resource 24/7!!
All I know is I can't drink in moderation, I had to cut the alcohol out completely! I wouldn't stress on "where it went wrong", just on the future, if you feel you need to quit completely then this Forum is a great resource 24/7!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome josafe
you'll find many many people going through similar things here
I asked myself many questions too - ultimately tho, I got better results by focusing on the action part - the not drinking part.
I believe there's time enough for ruminating on causes and whys and why nots later with a little sobriety and clear headedness behind you
do you have a plan yet to help you stay sober?
D
you'll find many many people going through similar things here
I asked myself many questions too - ultimately tho, I got better results by focusing on the action part - the not drinking part.
I believe there's time enough for ruminating on causes and whys and why nots later with a little sobriety and clear headedness behind you
do you have a plan yet to help you stay sober?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 68
Hi Purpleknight and Dee74
That is exactly my problem. I cant seem to leave it to one drink, I think I will be OK and in control and then "POW" the magic state of mind takes over and then more and more drink. It was like a euphoric magical journey. I call it the Peter Pan complex.
Purpleknight, I know that if I am doing the same pattern as you, I need to cut out the booze altogether. It's crazy that there was a time when going out didn't involve alcohol. Now it seems a drink is OK then I feel bad and then cant leave it at that.
My sister said "one drink to too much for me". Im curious why was drinking not a problem a few years back. Im sure it was not a problem for any one else on here.
I dont have a plan as such. I am just trying to go without any booze. None in the house or in my room. Nothing to remind me other than a pang that a tin would be OK or a small vodka. Just need to get over that bit.
That is exactly my problem. I cant seem to leave it to one drink, I think I will be OK and in control and then "POW" the magic state of mind takes over and then more and more drink. It was like a euphoric magical journey. I call it the Peter Pan complex.
Purpleknight, I know that if I am doing the same pattern as you, I need to cut out the booze altogether. It's crazy that there was a time when going out didn't involve alcohol. Now it seems a drink is OK then I feel bad and then cant leave it at that.
My sister said "one drink to too much for me". Im curious why was drinking not a problem a few years back. Im sure it was not a problem for any one else on here.
I dont have a plan as such. I am just trying to go without any booze. None in the house or in my room. Nothing to remind me other than a pang that a tin would be OK or a small vodka. Just need to get over that bit.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 149
"All I know is I can't drink in moderation, I had to cut the alcohol out completely! I wouldn't stress on "where it went wrong", just on the future, if you feel you need to quit completely then this Forum is a great resource 24/7!!"
Same here. Thought I could handle "moderation" last Thurs despite all the advice/experience shared here. I was wrong. I'm on day 5 of the rest of my life and I couldn't be more relieved.
Good luck. Use SR to your advantage - it's an amazing place with incredible people that all know & share your story.
Same here. Thought I could handle "moderation" last Thurs despite all the advice/experience shared here. I was wrong. I'm on day 5 of the rest of my life and I couldn't be more relieved.
Good luck. Use SR to your advantage - it's an amazing place with incredible people that all know & share your story.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Been there got the t-shirt . . . there is no way someone could pour me a whisky without me wanting to polish off the bottle, and this was generally after a few pints of the black stuff, Guinness!!
I agree, I remember I used to go out have a pint and come home, however it escalated to the point I needed to make a decision, could I moderately drink, the answer in my head was no!! . . . an so going Sober was the answer, now don't think it was easy, I joined this site back in 2012, but it has taken many attempts within a year to secure my 3 weeks Sober!
I agree, I remember I used to go out have a pint and come home, however it escalated to the point I needed to make a decision, could I moderately drink, the answer in my head was no!! . . . an so going Sober was the answer, now don't think it was easy, I joined this site back in 2012, but it has taken many attempts within a year to secure my 3 weeks Sober!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I think that when we start analyzing our drinking. Deep down inside we know something is wrong. Once that line is crossed drinking only brings anxiety as we know we should be sober. Then if you are like me I ended up drinking more to num the guilt. Then the hangover, more booze.
Repeat above until my own sanity was in question. The paff it it me. If I eliminate the booze. I kill a hole bunch of birds with one stone.
Repeat above until my own sanity was in question. The paff it it me. If I eliminate the booze. I kill a hole bunch of birds with one stone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Agreed Thepatman, once you think, do I have a problem? or am I drinking too much? . . . the question is almost answered!! . . . it's almost like the human body flags it up as it knows it is dealing with too much poison!! . . a solution is then needed!!
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Hi Josafe welcome to SR
I could never stop at one drink and would always have a stash, just in case, which I inevitably went through, much to the misgivings, shame and regrets the next day,
It was that first drink every time for me Josafe, it developed into many.
I had to stop. Best thing I did so far in my life, for me. Now I'm getting used to living and holding my head up high.
I could never stop at one drink and would always have a stash, just in case, which I inevitably went through, much to the misgivings, shame and regrets the next day,
It was that first drink every time for me Josafe, it developed into many.
I had to stop. Best thing I did so far in my life, for me. Now I'm getting used to living and holding my head up high.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Most of us find a progression...from take it or leave it,. to not always leaving it...to seldom leaving it...to 'my off switch seems to be broken'
for me that was a one way progression, I'm afraid...
D
for me that was a one way progression, I'm afraid...
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 68
I am beginning to feel tearful but better. So i'm not the only one..that feels good to know. I would end up in a cycle of guilt then shame and then more drink and more shame then anxiety. I would end of apologizing and repeating myself and almost asking for forgiveness as if I needed a reason to justify my existence. I know, it doesnt make sense. Going out with mates was fun and euphoric but now it all feels so serious.
It's great you know..to know that even thought my family and friends dont understand it -that I should be able to snap out of it or that I am weak coz I cant leave the booze alone. But u lovely people seem to get it.
It's great you know..to know that even thought my family and friends dont understand it -that I should be able to snap out of it or that I am weak coz I cant leave the booze alone. But u lovely people seem to get it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
It's early stages - but definitely gets worse. Your "drunk spells" will get longer and then once you stop - the anxiety/impending doom/general crappy feeling will progressively get worse. Next thing you know, you're taking a swig in the morning to pacify that next day hangover. Morning drinks turn into afternoon, then benders at night - I think you get the picture. It's the same story line, told over different lengths of time with different characters - but the same. You can stop now and get off or keep going. I sometimes think "Oh I didn't get a DUI!!" or "I didn't lose my job" I did suffer liver damage after 3 years of abusing alcohol. Part of me feels like "Maybe I could do it a little more" (which I tried unsuccessfully) But honestly, when I think about it sanely, I don't miss what you speak of drunk texts, drunk dialing, making an @$$ of myself, the HORRIBLE hangover/anxiety the next day. Nope don't miss it at all. Who drinks to have one drink? Most of us (if you are an alcoholic) one doesn't even do anything, waste of time. We drink to get drunk/buzzed - and keep chasing and chasing, right down the path of misery. IF you are an alcoholic, you should not drink. If you are NOT an alcoholic, you don't really need to.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Welcome. For me, my first thought that I might have a problem, if I'm real honest with myself, is after my first drink--at the age of 12. I remember thinking, "I really like this, I could become an alcoholic." Being a kid, I blew it off and, now at 42, here I am, but 20 days sober, thanks to the support I have found here at SR. Keep us posted.You can do this if you really want it and are ready to do a bit of work to maintain it (okay, probably more than "a bit," but sobriety is totally possible--and worth it!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 68
Isnt it amazing...no matter where in the world we are from, we all have understand each other.
Yes, I am ready to change. I am ready for day 4 of being sober and I want to make 2weeks. I want to go through the tears and make the change. I know part of my drinking is about wanting that buzz and even running away from myself.
Silly really, I know that the drunk state is just an illusion or dream like state.
I know that by being on this forum I will make it because you people know the situation I'm in.
I acknowledge there is a problem. I made changes such as deleting facebook, removing contacts from my phone, removing booze bottles etc out of my room. Now it really is cold turkey.
It's just me and my thoughts and will power. If I can get through just one weekend I know I will get through another weekend.
Yes, I am ready to change. I am ready for day 4 of being sober and I want to make 2weeks. I want to go through the tears and make the change. I know part of my drinking is about wanting that buzz and even running away from myself.
Silly really, I know that the drunk state is just an illusion or dream like state.
I know that by being on this forum I will make it because you people know the situation I'm in.
I acknowledge there is a problem. I made changes such as deleting facebook, removing contacts from my phone, removing booze bottles etc out of my room. Now it really is cold turkey.
It's just me and my thoughts and will power. If I can get through just one weekend I know I will get through another weekend.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Josafe! I'm so happy you found us. I was a mess when I discovered SR. Not being alone anymore meant everything to me. I had no one else who really understood what I was going through.
I'm glad you're taking a serious look at what drinking is doing to your life. I waited until it almost destroyed me. I was always seeking the fun it used to be - it was so hard to admit I had crossed the line & could never go back to social drinking. It was a necessity for me in the end. I was dependent on it to get through the day. This won't happen to you! Glad you are here.
I'm glad you're taking a serious look at what drinking is doing to your life. I waited until it almost destroyed me. I was always seeking the fun it used to be - it was so hard to admit I had crossed the line & could never go back to social drinking. It was a necessity for me in the end. I was dependent on it to get through the day. This won't happen to you!
Glad you are here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 68
Hi Hevyn
Im so glad it did not destroy you. You are too right - "I was always seeking the fun it used to be". That's what I have been doing. Weird though...after 5 days without alcohol, drinking again just made me feel upset and anxious. I would wake up wondering if anything bad had happened. Did I facebook anyone, text or call. What excuse could I find to cover the shame of saying and writing things I dont normally.
It was getting too stressful. Now it is gonna be tough getting used to a sober and alert state. No alcohol force field to hide behind. It's gonna be strange especially after drinking for over 18 years.
Again, how do you start to have fun without drinking. If i decide to drink again [maybe] would I know what moderation was or would I end up crossing that line :/
Im so glad it did not destroy you. You are too right - "I was always seeking the fun it used to be". That's what I have been doing. Weird though...after 5 days without alcohol, drinking again just made me feel upset and anxious. I would wake up wondering if anything bad had happened. Did I facebook anyone, text or call. What excuse could I find to cover the shame of saying and writing things I dont normally.
It was getting too stressful. Now it is gonna be tough getting used to a sober and alert state. No alcohol force field to hide behind. It's gonna be strange especially after drinking for over 18 years.
Again, how do you start to have fun without drinking. If i decide to drink again [maybe] would I know what moderation was or would I end up crossing that line :/
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think most of us know how to have fun without drinking, but we've forgotten.
I'm sure you'll discover it again soon
as for going back to the way it used to be - my alcoholic progression was strictly one way - it's like wishing/trying to be 18 again when you're 88...nice concept, but impossible.
D
I'm sure you'll discover it again soon
as for going back to the way it used to be - my alcoholic progression was strictly one way - it's like wishing/trying to be 18 again when you're 88...nice concept, but impossible.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 100
I can relate so much to your thoughts and feelings - that is one of the things I love about this forum and other support groups.
My suggestion is to not focus on thinking about will you or won't you go back to drinking -can you make it a certain number of days, etc. Your questions about sober life will only be answered by trying to live it. For now, decide in the morning that you are not going to drink that day - worry about tomorrow when it comes. Don't obsess over whether you are or will ever be capable of drinking like a "normal" person. You know how you really drink and how you really want to drink - you've got years of research under your belt.
Also - that nagging feeling that nothing will be "fun" anymore? Nothing more than your own brain working against you. The reality is you can and will experience real, actual joy in sobriety.
My suggestion is to not focus on thinking about will you or won't you go back to drinking -can you make it a certain number of days, etc. Your questions about sober life will only be answered by trying to live it. For now, decide in the morning that you are not going to drink that day - worry about tomorrow when it comes. Don't obsess over whether you are or will ever be capable of drinking like a "normal" person. You know how you really drink and how you really want to drink - you've got years of research under your belt.
Also - that nagging feeling that nothing will be "fun" anymore? Nothing more than your own brain working against you. The reality is you can and will experience real, actual joy in sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 68
Hi
Great tips everyone.
I should not even think about if I drink or set unrealistic targets. I do know if I get through this weekend that I will be OK. Being on my own at home and the weekend is never a good combination but I know I have to get used to me and my thoughts and what I am running away from that makes me drink.
Also, I think there is some of that wanting to act in back when I was 18. But the age I am isnt the same.
Great tips everyone.
I should not even think about if I drink or set unrealistic targets. I do know if I get through this weekend that I will be OK. Being on my own at home and the weekend is never a good combination but I know I have to get used to me and my thoughts and what I am running away from that makes me drink.
Also, I think there is some of that wanting to act in back when I was 18. But the age I am isnt the same.
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