From Detox to Residential
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
From Detox to Residential
Well, I was discharged from detox yesterday- after 6 days. Now I'm in a dual-diagnosis residential. Probably for 7-10 days or so. After that, I'll be in intensive outpatient for a few weeks.
Detox was HARD!! (Uhh.. Pretty sure if you've been following my posts- I may have mentioned that briefly. ;-)) It was hell. And I was voluntary- so BELIEVE me... It was pretty hard to stop myself from bolting. But, I didn't. And, even though it was hell- it kept me safe and got me ironed out a bit. Worth it.
I'm also voluntary at this residential. The place is okay... The patients (because it's dual-diagnosis), are ummmm....yeah.
(they're harmless.. just need help...like anyone) There are a couple of addicts here too. Nobody really talks much to me, so its lonely- but thats okay. Im here for me.
I have my own room and all the other living spaces are shared. We can eat and cook when/what we like. And we can do our laundry. We have a large living room and can watch tv if we like on our downtime. (I don't really watch tv though).
We spend most of the day in groups. Creative expression, mindfulness, relapse prevention & symptom management, emotional regulation, even yoga! and thats not even all of em!!
As an aside, I'm trying naltrexone for the first time- will keep you posted on that.
Eventhough I'm not real fond of the ummmm... Well, lets just say it's not the most tidy/sanitary place ever- The group therapies are actually AMAZING so far. The therapists and counselors here REALLY care, and they get it.
I could've gone straight to intensive outpatient, but I know in my bones- if I were to go home now without the extra coping skills... It wouldn't stick. Wish I could lie and say it would (because I miss my home and my DH and animals), but I know better. I'm trying to do this 100%.
I'm about to say something I never thought I'd say (and I do plan to work secular recovery as well)- not all AA groups are cut from the same cloth. I've had some AWFUL experiences with AA. Condescension, cult-like, zombie-jargon, bible thumping, self-righteous, blowhard, know it all, douchebags. BUT, you know what???? They aren't all like that! I think it's a)getting better nowadays, or b) I found my way into the wrong groups (for me) on more than one occasion, in the past.
That said, I have been SOOO impressed with the meetings that I've been to so far. Headed to one tonight that I haven't attended yet, but heard great things. Don't get me wrong- I PROMISE YOU GUYS... I will NEVER EVER EVER turn into a preachy AA'r. (Because i hate that crap...srsly...i do.) Like I said, I plan to attend secular as well. My goal- just keep my ass connected and sober. BUT, I am VERY surprised by my more recent and positive experiences with AA. (I can't believe I just typed that....WTS)
Am I an alcoholic? YES! Am I reaching out/asking for, and accepting every bit of help I can get? YES! Will I ever relapse? NOT TODAY DAMMIT!
Please keep me in your thoughts guys. I'm fighting my ass off. If you read this far,
Detox was HARD!! (Uhh.. Pretty sure if you've been following my posts- I may have mentioned that briefly. ;-)) It was hell. And I was voluntary- so BELIEVE me... It was pretty hard to stop myself from bolting. But, I didn't. And, even though it was hell- it kept me safe and got me ironed out a bit. Worth it.
I'm also voluntary at this residential. The place is okay... The patients (because it's dual-diagnosis), are ummmm....yeah.
(they're harmless.. just need help...like anyone) There are a couple of addicts here too. Nobody really talks much to me, so its lonely- but thats okay. Im here for me. I have my own room and all the other living spaces are shared. We can eat and cook when/what we like. And we can do our laundry. We have a large living room and can watch tv if we like on our downtime. (I don't really watch tv though).
We spend most of the day in groups. Creative expression, mindfulness, relapse prevention & symptom management, emotional regulation, even yoga! and thats not even all of em!!
As an aside, I'm trying naltrexone for the first time- will keep you posted on that.
Eventhough I'm not real fond of the ummmm... Well, lets just say it's not the most tidy/sanitary place ever- The group therapies are actually AMAZING so far. The therapists and counselors here REALLY care, and they get it.
I could've gone straight to intensive outpatient, but I know in my bones- if I were to go home now without the extra coping skills... It wouldn't stick. Wish I could lie and say it would (because I miss my home and my DH and animals), but I know better. I'm trying to do this 100%.
I'm about to say something I never thought I'd say (and I do plan to work secular recovery as well)- not all AA groups are cut from the same cloth. I've had some AWFUL experiences with AA. Condescension, cult-like, zombie-jargon, bible thumping, self-righteous, blowhard, know it all, douchebags. BUT, you know what???? They aren't all like that! I think it's a)getting better nowadays, or b) I found my way into the wrong groups (for me) on more than one occasion, in the past.
That said, I have been SOOO impressed with the meetings that I've been to so far. Headed to one tonight that I haven't attended yet, but heard great things. Don't get me wrong- I PROMISE YOU GUYS... I will NEVER EVER EVER turn into a preachy AA'r. (Because i hate that crap...srsly...i do.) Like I said, I plan to attend secular as well. My goal- just keep my ass connected and sober. BUT, I am VERY surprised by my more recent and positive experiences with AA. (I can't believe I just typed that....WTS)
Am I an alcoholic? YES! Am I reaching out/asking for, and accepting every bit of help I can get? YES! Will I ever relapse? NOT TODAY DAMMIT!
Please keep me in your thoughts guys. I'm fighting my ass off. If you read this far,
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Hi esn!
I read a little of what you posted before, yes it was very hard but you did it!
When you stay sober you will never have to go through that again.
You sound so positive. Yes stick with it. Get every possible shred of strength and every possible coping tool you can while you are there. Soak it up.
I've had some odd experiences with aa too. There are as many aa programs as there are people in aa. They always say take what helps you and leave the rest. Aa is one way to help us live a sober life. It's certainly not the only method but man if it helps, why the heck not eh?
Congrats on getting on the right track and good luck!
I read a little of what you posted before, yes it was very hard but you did it!
When you stay sober you will never have to go through that again.
You sound so positive. Yes stick with it. Get every possible shred of strength and every possible coping tool you can while you are there. Soak it up.
I've had some odd experiences with aa too. There are as many aa programs as there are people in aa. They always say take what helps you and leave the rest. Aa is one way to help us live a sober life. It's certainly not the only method but man if it helps, why the heck not eh?
Congrats on getting on the right track and good luck!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,904
Attitude has soooo much to do with it, ESN. Your attitude sounds really positive and I like your open-mindedness, too. I think you made the right decision by going to residential for a while. Keep doing the next right thing and you should be fine. Thanks for the update. (((HUGS)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
Well guys, I don't know if my attitude is too great. I know my "wish I never started detox" thread was pretty.....negative?? A little... MAYBE??? LOL
I feel like my attitude is okay. Every day has new challenges that **** me off, make me want to cry, or walk off. Institutionalized ANYTHING, has red tape and BS that really doesn't need to be that hard. Kinda like... Government actually. Lol
I just keep reminding myself- I've tried to change a-z in my life- on my own- to "fix" my drinking problem. Here's some truth- all the a-z's I tried.... I hate to admit this... Were really to make it so I could still drink, just not as much, and be like...ya know- "normal".
I felt like if I knew all about alcoholism/addiction, or ate vegan, or saw the "right" therapist, or worked out, or only allowed x amount of drinks, or followed a certain schedule, or did actupuncture, or a master cleanse, or made grandiose statements of intent and success, or (fill in the blank with the most ridiculous shlt you can think of, I've done it LOL!)- that then I would be better. Because, I'm "smart but just don't apply myself"... but not necessarily an "alcoholic", right??
WELL... I don't like authority. I don't like conformity. I don't like religion. I don't like the status quo. I don't like labels. I don't like anything regimented or uptight. Ef that crap!! I love rebellion. I love spontaneity. I love chaos. I love being wild and free and crazy!!!! So that's who i am, my core beliefs, and all of my justifications right there in black and white, the truth.
Also true... I don't know WTF I am doing when it comes to my addiction. I tried everything I can think of so... My last ditch effort here is to humble myself...Admit it!! I DON'T KNOW WTF I'm doing!!! So, I guess I need to put my BS to the side, open my mind, stfu, and TRY (as counterintuitive as it is for me personally), to listen, follow some instructions, and accept some guidance. And I would not do that... If I could think of ANYTHING else..no sir!!! LMAO!!!
This is not stuff I'm hearing in AA or in therapy. I'm not parroting here. This is ME, the truth. And what got me to lay those parts of myself to the side is the utter desperation to have the kind of life that I want, but never felt worthy of having. So humility is here but ALSO... I like to get what I want!!! Lol and if this is the only way to get it(and I know now, that it is)- EF it... I'm in. Never did it half-way as a drunk. So lets try to make some lemon aid out of that "quality". I'll keep yous posted!
I feel like my attitude is okay. Every day has new challenges that **** me off, make me want to cry, or walk off. Institutionalized ANYTHING, has red tape and BS that really doesn't need to be that hard. Kinda like... Government actually. Lol
I just keep reminding myself- I've tried to change a-z in my life- on my own- to "fix" my drinking problem. Here's some truth- all the a-z's I tried.... I hate to admit this... Were really to make it so I could still drink, just not as much, and be like...ya know- "normal".
I felt like if I knew all about alcoholism/addiction, or ate vegan, or saw the "right" therapist, or worked out, or only allowed x amount of drinks, or followed a certain schedule, or did actupuncture, or a master cleanse, or made grandiose statements of intent and success, or (fill in the blank with the most ridiculous shlt you can think of, I've done it LOL!)- that then I would be better. Because, I'm "smart but just don't apply myself"... but not necessarily an "alcoholic", right??
WELL... I don't like authority. I don't like conformity. I don't like religion. I don't like the status quo. I don't like labels. I don't like anything regimented or uptight. Ef that crap!! I love rebellion. I love spontaneity. I love chaos. I love being wild and free and crazy!!!! So that's who i am, my core beliefs, and all of my justifications right there in black and white, the truth.
Also true... I don't know WTF I am doing when it comes to my addiction. I tried everything I can think of so... My last ditch effort here is to humble myself...Admit it!! I DON'T KNOW WTF I'm doing!!! So, I guess I need to put my BS to the side, open my mind, stfu, and TRY (as counterintuitive as it is for me personally), to listen, follow some instructions, and accept some guidance. And I would not do that... If I could think of ANYTHING else..no sir!!! LMAO!!!
This is not stuff I'm hearing in AA or in therapy. I'm not parroting here. This is ME, the truth. And what got me to lay those parts of myself to the side is the utter desperation to have the kind of life that I want, but never felt worthy of having. So humility is here but ALSO... I like to get what I want!!! Lol and if this is the only way to get it(and I know now, that it is)- EF it... I'm in. Never did it half-way as a drunk. So lets try to make some lemon aid out of that "quality". I'll keep yous posted!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. You post many things I didn't like also. I got sober things didn't change, I did! For a lot of years I have surrendered and let go of my immature thinking processes that pushed me to drink so I could minimally function. Recovery takes that four letter word T I M E.
BE WELL
BE WELL
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
Ioaa2 as much as I hate to hear "immature thinking process"... When you're right, you're right. It really does take some growing up to admit you don't know it all. I wouldn't have accepted that- not even 6 mos ago. And hopefully, time is all I've got.. And LOTS OF IT! :-) I picture myself jumping up and down stamping my feet " I want it NOW NOW NOW". That's really how I've done it up till now. Detox kinda put me in my place a bit with that. But, it's still an aspect of myself that I have to stay vigilante of. I never had anything handed to me and have had to act in control, crack the whip and be pretty aggressive, demanding, and stubborn to get anywhere in my life. Maybe those are good traits in the appropriate situation? But very very bad traits as an addict. I'm learning a lot. There are growing pains going on. (@34 WTF! Lol) this is a real challenge. Today, I feel brave, humble, and proud of myself for making the effort, because it's really scary. We'll see what tomorrow brings tomorrow.
Btw.. I know I'm posting a lot guys. It's helping me stay grounded so thx for tolerating my noob babble. ;-)
Btw.. I know I'm posting a lot guys. It's helping me stay grounded so thx for tolerating my noob babble. ;-)
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
You mentioned qualities that do are appropriate sometimes in life.
Being stubborn for example can serve a purpose, if you use it against your addiction it can be. But you have to treat the addiction as a separate entity then your sober mind. Stand up to it, turn bleu in the face if you have to ;-)
Don't let IT win.
Being stubborn for example can serve a purpose, if you use it against your addiction it can be. But you have to treat the addiction as a separate entity then your sober mind. Stand up to it, turn bleu in the face if you have to ;-)
Don't let IT win.
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