One year later
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 40
One year later
One year ago hell broke loose in my life. After years of a relationship with an heroin addict, hundreds of breaking ups and going back together, I decided to live with him because he told me he was going through rehab and wanted the love and company. So one year ago I found his bag with needles, foil, some cocaine, and after the usual confrontation and the claims that all that was old, he accepted he never stopped and that lied just to have me with him.
After that came a series of abuses, tears, dissapointments, that ended up with me leaving to protect my physical and mental health. One year after all that started, I can say that the best decision I could had made was to leave him, to finally take the decision of walking away and trying not to look back. Some of you may remember I used to come struggling with the feelings his calls, texts, news about him, used to cause. But I have succeded, I have no contact with him at all and I have found that I can definitely live without him and all the pain his addiction caused in my life. I am at peace because I really tried to save him, I stopped caring about me to make it all for him, and nothing worked.
So I decided to share this piece of my story with you, because you helped a lot in hard moments, and because maybe someone may be through the same I lived. Yes it was really very hard, yes sometimes I felt I could never live without him, yes I felt like I was to blame because I gave up on him, yes it used to hurt really bad and sometimes still a little bit, but it is something I would never go back to. I took my life and my sanity back and it was a really good decision.
Big hugs for all!
After that came a series of abuses, tears, dissapointments, that ended up with me leaving to protect my physical and mental health. One year after all that started, I can say that the best decision I could had made was to leave him, to finally take the decision of walking away and trying not to look back. Some of you may remember I used to come struggling with the feelings his calls, texts, news about him, used to cause. But I have succeded, I have no contact with him at all and I have found that I can definitely live without him and all the pain his addiction caused in my life. I am at peace because I really tried to save him, I stopped caring about me to make it all for him, and nothing worked.
So I decided to share this piece of my story with you, because you helped a lot in hard moments, and because maybe someone may be through the same I lived. Yes it was really very hard, yes sometimes I felt I could never live without him, yes I felt like I was to blame because I gave up on him, yes it used to hurt really bad and sometimes still a little bit, but it is something I would never go back to. I took my life and my sanity back and it was a really good decision.
Big hugs for all!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 40
Thank all of you for reading my story and for letting me somehow inspire you. It was difficult, I had to struggle with feelings and guilt for a very long time, but there comes a day when everything starts getting clear and you start seeing that there is so much more life beyond that. My life used to be all about him and his addiction, it stopped being about me, I sacrificed myself to try to save him, to make him change, but I think all of us know that it doesn't work like that.
Vale, I used to be one of those that believed that no contact wasn't really a good thing or even possible and for a long time I tried to keep even a small window open for him. One day I said: wait! Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I put myself in the position of letting him control me and my feelings as he pleases? So I went cold turkey, blocked him in messenger apps, FB, TW, put an app in my phone to block his messages and calls, and deleted all his info from everywhere. It wasn't easy at all to do it, but as the months pass I can feel myself finally recovering from all that.
It is possible! And I know for some of us it is the only real way to break free from all that pain.
Big hugs!
Vale, I used to be one of those that believed that no contact wasn't really a good thing or even possible and for a long time I tried to keep even a small window open for him. One day I said: wait! Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I put myself in the position of letting him control me and my feelings as he pleases? So I went cold turkey, blocked him in messenger apps, FB, TW, put an app in my phone to block his messages and calls, and deleted all his info from everywhere. It wasn't easy at all to do it, but as the months pass I can feel myself finally recovering from all that.
It is possible! And I know for some of us it is the only real way to break free from all that pain.
Big hugs!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Valentina14,
I'm not sure I could have done it (NC) without the wisdom
(and butt-kicking!) of SR.
Winners never quit, and quitters never win! (WNQ/QNW)
Nice slogan. It even has some utility in the larger world.
But like anyone who takes on life with a bag full of slogans but
without situational awareness......the end result is they
get slaughtered.
Fight for what is WORTH fighting for. Disengage from the
rest. It isn't cowardice.
It is intelligence.
I'm not sure I could have done it (NC) without the wisdom
(and butt-kicking!) of SR.
Winners never quit, and quitters never win! (WNQ/QNW)
Nice slogan. It even has some utility in the larger world.
But like anyone who takes on life with a bag full of slogans but
without situational awareness......the end result is they
get slaughtered.
Fight for what is WORTH fighting for. Disengage from the
rest. It isn't cowardice.
It is intelligence.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 40
Hi Vale!
That is a nice and useful slogan, I will keep it in my phrases book
I also had to recieve some butt kicking from here and some close friends to actually realize that I had to go no contact, because it was really affecting me and making me absolutely miserable.
I also thought that going NC was coward and made me a terrible person. But I repeat, it has been one of the best decisions I have taken in my life. I don't regret it to the minimum.
That is a nice and useful slogan, I will keep it in my phrases book
I also had to recieve some butt kicking from here and some close friends to actually realize that I had to go no contact, because it was really affecting me and making me absolutely miserable.
I also thought that going NC was coward and made me a terrible person. But I repeat, it has been one of the best decisions I have taken in my life. I don't regret it to the minimum.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 427
I'm going no contact after the divorce is final, he can only email and I need to keep those emails for the attorney. He wanted to have a face to face conversation...I, in a long winded over explanatory way told him NO WAY, NOT HAPPENING, NOT EVER.
Thank you Valentina!
Thank you Valentina!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 40
overit263, I am really happy to give you some inspiration and even a little strength from the distance.
I can only advice you to don't give in into any kind of manipulation from his side or to any thought that you can have like those "what if's". I can only talk from my own experience, and after the struggling of keeping strong that I had at the beginning, the days of being calm, happy, focusing on my own well being, started coming.
I send you a lot of strength and remember that when you feel weak, we are here for you.
Hugs!
I can only advice you to don't give in into any kind of manipulation from his side or to any thought that you can have like those "what if's". I can only talk from my own experience, and after the struggling of keeping strong that I had at the beginning, the days of being calm, happy, focusing on my own well being, started coming.
I send you a lot of strength and remember that when you feel weak, we are here for you.
Hugs!
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