Mizzuno

The 9 month mark passed a few days ago. I feel slightly indifferent about the whole thing. I am proud of this accomplishment, but maybe not proud enough to get on the loud speaker and announce this milestone.

One thing that has weighed on my mind lately: I am attending my younger sisters wedding. I will be face to face with my mother in a few weeks. I have not seen or spoken with her in 8 years. I can most likely uphold this lack of relationship for the remainder of my life. (not getting into any specifics) My mother and I will need to be civil towards one another at this event. I would rather pretend that I lost my ability to hear and talk. Also, I would like to pretend that I have amnesia and do not know who she is at all. Better yet, I would like to have amnesia.....

"Who are you? Your my biological mother? That is odd. I can not recall you at all. Well, nice to meet you! Bye Bye." And, I walk off into the sunset with my husband beside me, hair blowing in the warm wind, and all is well in the land.

Given that my scenario is not taking place anytime real soon, I need to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually fit for this event. I have been practicing thinking in a positive manner, working out those positivity muscles and playing the positive tape. Also, I have been practicing the negative thoughts tape that seems to play louder than the positive affirmation tape. I have had trouble finding the "stop" button for the negative tape. All in time. This takes work and years of practice. I only just got my training wheels and so far Ive crashed into a few walls, but that is par for the course.

The one thing that I know for certain is that I will not be drinking at this event. I will not be drinking. I will be sitting, smiling, looking fabulous, and hopefully leaving soon there after.

I am preparing myself. So, this big thing is enough for me to want to run down the street screaming with panic. I can not run away from this, but my heart hurts and it will most likely hurt for the rest of my life. I will continue to walk forward.

Nonsensical

You need to train. I saw your mother recently. She is now 11 feet tall and has huge claws and fangs. When I saw her she was calling babies ugly and kicking puppies. She's a monster!

Sorry, maybe I shouldn't make fun since I don't know your situation. Just wanted to point out that you seem to have blown her up in your mind. She's just your mom. She's as full of sh!t as everybody else.

And YOU have been staring down demons for 9 months now. What then shall you fear?

You got this.

Way to go on the 9 months!

KateL

I'm sure you will be fine and you could actually enjoy it. I have terrible issues with my mother and give her a wide berth normally. If I do happen to see her, I am as nice as pie but keep my conversations brief. (She doesn't mind that, she loves the sound of her own voice.) I tend to feel a bit sorry for her strange behaviour and being nice to her is actually liberating. When I wind myself up and seethe inside, it is actually only detrimental to myself. Good luck x

Johnston

Can you try maybe writing your mother beforehand to let her know how you feel? After all, this should be your sister's happy day and an awkward encounter between you and mom is not going to help.

soberhawk

Concrats with the 9 months.

I do not know what to advice with the wedding.

I do find mediation helps me to train how to handle difficult situations.

I do hope it will go well.

Mizzuno

I actually had this HUGE ugly vision of her in my mind. She is just a person and one that I can do without for the rest of my life. She is just another human being, not an ugly monster like on Doctor Who. The idea of her makes me cringe. In any case, my sister is the one who is getting married. There will be no drama. I wonder about the seating arrangement? Thank god for my husband and the barrier that he will provide.

alphaomega

Non - LOL !

I know you are being funny, but wanna know something sick ? My mother ACTUALLY calls a lot of peoples babies ugly and recently called my dog a "Time Manipulator".

And selfish.

She's only 4'11" but old girl has fangs. Legit.

alphaomega

Mizz - Its only one day. You can do this. It wont be easy, but with 9 months of sober time under your belt, you understand challenges.

Don't let the future take away the joy of today.

I wish you strength and peace and serenity as you embark on this journey.

XO AO

Mizzuno

How is your dog a time manipulator?

Mizzuno

Yes, I can do this. It will be fine. It is one day. The vow of never seeing my mother again is now being broken. Geez.....what we are willing to do for family. There will be no drama and nothing negative will come from me. This is why I am taking the time to think things through, and to talk about it. I am not really working myself up as much as I am really trying to prepare for the fact that I have to face this person. We all have some sort of family issues. Mine are quite heavy and need to be left in the past. Now to find a dress that says "elegant, fabulous, and strong"

alphaomega

Hell if I know. Probably because he's sickly and anxious.

Growing up, she returned our puppy to the store after two days because it had diarrhea.

She just doesn't get it.

mecanix

Mizz,
you are very strong , you will have all of the wishes and thoughts of SR on your side . Focus on your sister and giving her the gift of as best a wedding atmospheres you can , with as much good grace as you can muster, despite everything .

Her party, her celebration.

It's a few hours you can deal with it
Bestwishes, m

ClearLight

Mizz-
Like someone said it's only one day.
Plus, the BEST way for you o handle it is sober.
Watch out for after the wedding. I know that going through a situation like that and not drinking can actually be a trigger for drinking after it's over. Seems strange but that's often the case.

Oh - big time congrats on nine months!

Mizzuno

Okay. Alright. I am happy to have talked of this. If I do not let it out then I most likely would end up causing some internal damage that is not healthy. I will be aware of the days after the wedding. I am sure that I will have some vulnerability. This whole situation frightens me CL. I have to acknowledge the fact that I am afraid. So, now that I have I can move on.

Mecanix, this is my sisters day. It is only one day. I know that it will be one of the best days of her life. I have told myself this a million times. I am thankful that she is not aware of my feelings. No one really is. I have not talked about it but on here and with my husband, (and maybe a few friends) So, never mind. The internet and a few friends are aware of my concerns. I am maintaining silence about this with my sister. It is her day. As much fear as I have in regards to the situation, it will most likely be a relatively painful experience and I will walk away from it unscathed and more importantly sober.


Thanks to everyone for the support. I have not been around all that much. School and work have taken over my life. It could be worse!

mecanix

Huurrah for mizzy , despite the pain keeps on , kick the pain in the pants stick your fingers up at it and do stuff despite of it or even because of it , you own it . WoooOOOooo

Ruby2

"How is your dog a time manipulator? " This made me laugh. I picture the dog emerging out of Dr. Who's police box.

Mizzuno, you got some really good advice on there. You have gone for nine months now!! Yay!! Maybe talk to your sister before hand about seating arrangements if that is a concern?

I've found that I always anticipate the worst possible thing ever happening and then whatever I have anticipated ... doesn't happen. Or usually doesn't happen. As long as you have planned in advance, you will be able to get through it.

Dee74

Congrats on 9 months Miz.

LKike you say this is your sisters wedding - it's her day. Your mom will be just one in a crowd of many people. It may not be fun, but I'm sure you'll be prepared and do well when you two cross paths

D

MIRecovery

I had a similar experience with an ex wife at my son's wedding. Although it was not the most pleasant experience in my life I refused to let her ruin a wonderful day with my son. I found it was up to me to have a good time and if I did not it was nobody's fault but my own.


As with most things in my wacked Alcoholic brain the reality was nowhere near as bad as what I had imagined

Anna

Mizzuno, I feel your pain, I really do.

I had that kind of relationship (or lack of) with my mother, too and it's a pain that you never really recover from.

You are doing the right thing by preparing yourself. You have more strength than you know and you will be able to get through this for yourself and your sister.

Marcher13

Mizz I'm at nine months too, last month I had to attend a brother-in-law's funeral which included the attendance of another b-i-l with whom I have no communication due to past issues which will never be resolved. I made a decision to behave as I would to a stranger at such an event -- pleasantly, with good manners and superficial conversation. I also decided to look as good as I could in restrained classic clothing.

It worked. I felt dignified, balanced and grown up (finally at 58). I made it my business to attend to my DH, sister-in-law, nieces and nephew; any time I was near him I gave a gracious smile that was -- deliberately -- not a sneer. I steered away from him without being rude.

We buried my (first) b-i-l and celebrated his life, I was a minor player in that, I did not drag up my issues, I was a dignified lady who went home sober and proud. There will be no happily ever after for second b-i-l and me but being a gracious woman -- even if I had to work for it -- was a reward in itself.

I know a b-i-l is not the same as a mother but the behaviour we choose goes with us anywhere. Don't white knuckle it, practice grace on yourself and everyone you encounter in the meantime, then keep a graceful distance from your mother on the day.