CPS called on me
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 73
CPS called on me
Sorry this is long. I've never been through something so horrible. I am at a loss and in complete shock. I have barely slept or eaten since Sunday. I guess God wanted to teach me a lesson the hard way to put a complete end to me continuing a relationship with an addict. My story is that I had been with my exBF on and off for over three years. It's been hell and I allowed myself to go back. Over the three years I watched him go into rehab, relapse, get in trouble with the law, have to file bankruptcy for the second time in his life, on and on and on. The happiest I've been in the three years is when I didn't speak to him for five months and stupid me fell right back in last September.
October was hell. I watched him starting to do drugs again, injecting anabolic steroids, etc. He ended up in jail again due to two warrants from him not finishing his probation from last year which I didn't know about and him having an adderall and xanax on him when he was arrested. Off he went to jail. He called me every day, I was there for him, have never called the police on him when I could have several times throughout the years. He however in the past called the police on me when we got into an argument to save himself....of course, nothing happened to me because his claims were unsubstantiated.
When he got out of jail, I did spend one weekend with him. Last week was very difficult for me. He left his dog at my house because my daughter loves that dog. I was supposed to see him this past friday and the more I thought about it, the more I started to doubt what decisions I was really making to have him in my life. I told him I didn't want him to come to an event with my daughter and I on friday and that's when all hell broke loose. I texted him he could come get his dog friday and I would leave the door unlocked. He never came. I told him he could come saturday when I wasn't home and he never came. Sunday he started to text me his mom could drive him over (he has no license) around 2 pm and I told him ok I would be home. Hours go by. I never hear anything and he doesn't come over. I go to bed with my daugher. She wanted to sleep with me so I take her to my bed. I sent him some not so nice text messages before I would go to sleep.
A few hours later I would hear a pounding on the door which scared me and woke up my daughter. He was pounding. I look outside and see him and got scared so I didn't answer the door. I would then hear a pounding on my back sliding glass door which scared me even more that someone would walk around back and do this. I crawl back in bed with my daughter who by this point is freaking out and the dog is barking and my daughter is screaming because she's scared. I should have just opened the door and let the dog run out but I was truly scared. It was late and I didn't know why the hell he decided to come to my house so late.
Next thing I know, I'm receiving threatening voicemails that they are calling child protective services because I left my child home alone! I wait an hour while I laid in bed with my daughter and did the best thing I could have done which is call the police. They came to my home immediately. It is documented I was home alone with my daughter. The police officer said why didn't you answer the door when we were here earlier? I was shocked. Apparently he and his mother called the police because they claimed my 4 year old was home alone! I didn't realize after I looked out the window the first time the police came over and also knocked on my door before they left. I had no idea. I was in bed with my daughter trying to soothe her and calm her down from the madness outside my house.
I took yesterday off work and stayed home with my daughter. I talked to my ex for over an hour that day. He claimed his mother did not really call CPS (lie) and they were just freaked out because they thought my daughter was home alone! He knows me better than that and I could not believe it. My phone rings, it's a CPS employee claiming she was on her way to my home. She was lost and needed directions. I'm just in shock. I had to listen to her read a report that claimed i have left my child home alone on several occassions for hours at a time. I don't even leave her alone in the car to go into a damn gas station and pay for gas! It was humiliating and most of all terrifying. She spoke to my daughter who explained what happened last night and that mommy was in bed with her and she was freaked out and screaming because someone was knocking on the door and wouldn't leave. I had to give her my sister's number, my daughter's father's number and my daycare providers number. All these individuals know about my ex, they know what kind of mother I am and know this is crazy.
My god, I don't even know what to say. I for the first time in my life yesterday started to have panic attacks where I couldn't breathe. I've never called the police on my ex when I could have many many times. The only time I brought his family into our relationship was when I wanted to tell them he needed help. I was supportive towards him when he called me from jail and took his calls. I have stood up for him. Stupid me. I guess this is what it was going to take to finally keep me away from this person for good.
I took his dog back to him earlier today and went with my sister and had her go to the door and give him his dog and pick up xmas packages I had delivered to his house so my daughter wouldn't see them. I finally fell asleep at 7 pm tonight for a few hours and woke up to some texts swearing he never called CPS, his mom was legitimately worried my daughter was home alone (he knows better!) and she never told CPS I leave her for hours at a time (I read the report.......more lies) and he never wanted things to end this way and he was sorry. I have since blocked him but not before telling him what I thought about him and calling him and leaving him a voicemail telling him that he knows better, that he played into this entire situation, etc.
I'm done. I know I'm done this time for good. He's blocked. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm just still shaking. My daughter's father knew about my ex. I didn't hide things from him thank god. He went on to just keep telling me what an amazing mother I am to our daughter and that he knows that and he will stand by my side through this. My daycare provider is also aware of my struggles and has told me the same thing. My sisters number was also given to the CPS person because I explained when I go out of town today (I go out of town a few times a year) my daughter stays with her if her fatehr is unable to take time off work. The only other person whos number she asked for is my ex and god knows what the hell he will tell them.
I am so sick to my stomach trying to not have another panic attack. I cannot believe people are capable of this. This is him clean supposedly. My god. ANy support and advice would be appreciated. I somehow have to get in the shower and get packed for a 6 am flight and am just a mess. How can people be capable of this??? This was so scary and humiliating. Of course, the CPS agent saw my home. It is clean, safe, full of family picture. Not a drop of alcohol is in this house and usually NEVER is. No drugs ever. My god.
October was hell. I watched him starting to do drugs again, injecting anabolic steroids, etc. He ended up in jail again due to two warrants from him not finishing his probation from last year which I didn't know about and him having an adderall and xanax on him when he was arrested. Off he went to jail. He called me every day, I was there for him, have never called the police on him when I could have several times throughout the years. He however in the past called the police on me when we got into an argument to save himself....of course, nothing happened to me because his claims were unsubstantiated.
When he got out of jail, I did spend one weekend with him. Last week was very difficult for me. He left his dog at my house because my daughter loves that dog. I was supposed to see him this past friday and the more I thought about it, the more I started to doubt what decisions I was really making to have him in my life. I told him I didn't want him to come to an event with my daughter and I on friday and that's when all hell broke loose. I texted him he could come get his dog friday and I would leave the door unlocked. He never came. I told him he could come saturday when I wasn't home and he never came. Sunday he started to text me his mom could drive him over (he has no license) around 2 pm and I told him ok I would be home. Hours go by. I never hear anything and he doesn't come over. I go to bed with my daugher. She wanted to sleep with me so I take her to my bed. I sent him some not so nice text messages before I would go to sleep.
A few hours later I would hear a pounding on the door which scared me and woke up my daughter. He was pounding. I look outside and see him and got scared so I didn't answer the door. I would then hear a pounding on my back sliding glass door which scared me even more that someone would walk around back and do this. I crawl back in bed with my daughter who by this point is freaking out and the dog is barking and my daughter is screaming because she's scared. I should have just opened the door and let the dog run out but I was truly scared. It was late and I didn't know why the hell he decided to come to my house so late.
Next thing I know, I'm receiving threatening voicemails that they are calling child protective services because I left my child home alone! I wait an hour while I laid in bed with my daughter and did the best thing I could have done which is call the police. They came to my home immediately. It is documented I was home alone with my daughter. The police officer said why didn't you answer the door when we were here earlier? I was shocked. Apparently he and his mother called the police because they claimed my 4 year old was home alone! I didn't realize after I looked out the window the first time the police came over and also knocked on my door before they left. I had no idea. I was in bed with my daughter trying to soothe her and calm her down from the madness outside my house.
I took yesterday off work and stayed home with my daughter. I talked to my ex for over an hour that day. He claimed his mother did not really call CPS (lie) and they were just freaked out because they thought my daughter was home alone! He knows me better than that and I could not believe it. My phone rings, it's a CPS employee claiming she was on her way to my home. She was lost and needed directions. I'm just in shock. I had to listen to her read a report that claimed i have left my child home alone on several occassions for hours at a time. I don't even leave her alone in the car to go into a damn gas station and pay for gas! It was humiliating and most of all terrifying. She spoke to my daughter who explained what happened last night and that mommy was in bed with her and she was freaked out and screaming because someone was knocking on the door and wouldn't leave. I had to give her my sister's number, my daughter's father's number and my daycare providers number. All these individuals know about my ex, they know what kind of mother I am and know this is crazy.
My god, I don't even know what to say. I for the first time in my life yesterday started to have panic attacks where I couldn't breathe. I've never called the police on my ex when I could have many many times. The only time I brought his family into our relationship was when I wanted to tell them he needed help. I was supportive towards him when he called me from jail and took his calls. I have stood up for him. Stupid me. I guess this is what it was going to take to finally keep me away from this person for good.
I took his dog back to him earlier today and went with my sister and had her go to the door and give him his dog and pick up xmas packages I had delivered to his house so my daughter wouldn't see them. I finally fell asleep at 7 pm tonight for a few hours and woke up to some texts swearing he never called CPS, his mom was legitimately worried my daughter was home alone (he knows better!) and she never told CPS I leave her for hours at a time (I read the report.......more lies) and he never wanted things to end this way and he was sorry. I have since blocked him but not before telling him what I thought about him and calling him and leaving him a voicemail telling him that he knows better, that he played into this entire situation, etc.
I'm done. I know I'm done this time for good. He's blocked. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm just still shaking. My daughter's father knew about my ex. I didn't hide things from him thank god. He went on to just keep telling me what an amazing mother I am to our daughter and that he knows that and he will stand by my side through this. My daycare provider is also aware of my struggles and has told me the same thing. My sisters number was also given to the CPS person because I explained when I go out of town today (I go out of town a few times a year) my daughter stays with her if her fatehr is unable to take time off work. The only other person whos number she asked for is my ex and god knows what the hell he will tell them.
I am so sick to my stomach trying to not have another panic attack. I cannot believe people are capable of this. This is him clean supposedly. My god. ANy support and advice would be appreciated. I somehow have to get in the shower and get packed for a 6 am flight and am just a mess. How can people be capable of this??? This was so scary and humiliating. Of course, the CPS agent saw my home. It is clean, safe, full of family picture. Not a drop of alcohol is in this house and usually NEVER is. No drugs ever. My god.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You are wise to distance yourself from this man and not engage contact of any kind. Don't answer his calls, don't let him come around and if he does get a police order to keep him away.
Bringing this kind of fear and drama into your life is one thing, but you have a daughter to consider and the safety of both of you. You sound like a loving, caring mother and I know you can get through this and move forward.
A man who causes this much trouble isn't going to go away quietly so please be careful. And surround yourself with family if you can.
Hugs
Bringing this kind of fear and drama into your life is one thing, but you have a daughter to consider and the safety of both of you. You sound like a loving, caring mother and I know you can get through this and move forward.
A man who causes this much trouble isn't going to go away quietly so please be careful. And surround yourself with family if you can.
Hugs
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
So sorry you are going through this. It is amazing the turmoil addicts bring to any relationship. Do not have any contact with this man again. Be glad it is over and you can be along with your daughter with none of this in your life. You sound like a wonderful mother. The fact that you have those around you who can vouch for you is a very positive thing and attests to your love and care of you daughter. Breath deep, it will be over soon. They will see it for what it is. I am sure this is not the first time they have had to do this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
The initial shock of having CPS called on your would be overwhelming...especially if you ARE doing the right thing. All of the "what-ifs" coming in your head.
CPS really doesn't want to take your child away from you....they will interview the parties involved; check your history and make recommendation.
Obviously, because you did not open up the door due to being scared and it being late at night.....they had no idea who was in the home. The truth will come out and you will be vindicated. It must be the worse to have your parenting questioned like this...
Hang in there....
CPS really doesn't want to take your child away from you....they will interview the parties involved; check your history and make recommendation.
Obviously, because you did not open up the door due to being scared and it being late at night.....they had no idea who was in the home. The truth will come out and you will be vindicated. It must be the worse to have your parenting questioned like this...
Hang in there....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 73
Thanks everyone. I'm just still shocked. I shouldn't be but I am. My ex knows me better. He KNOWS I have never abused or neglected my daughter. Typing that sentence makes me want to cry. I've never even spanked her and I certainly don't leave her home alone. I'm trying to breathe and relax but this is horrible. I'm humiliated. Had to call my daycare provider and explain to her that CPS would be visiting her home. Just wow.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Thanks Txhelp. Actually the best thing I did do was call the police myself so they could come back after my ex left so I have it documented that I was home and spoke to the police. I can only imagine what this would look like if I hadn't done that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
What this "boyfriend" and his mama did to you is ABUSIVE. if there is any way you can press charges against him or file a civil suit on his mama, go for it. Her behavior is disgusting and enabling his attempt to control the situation. All he had to do (or her was call on the phone and ask for you to meet him at the door). What kind of a person goes banging on a door in the middle of the night when they can call first? A flipping lunatic with no regard for your personal space.
You learned that you do not want this person in your life. You can adopt for your daughter a small dog or cat when you are ready.
Read the NO Contact and print it out. This person is toxic and manipulative.
You learned that you do not want this person in your life. You can adopt for your daughter a small dog or cat when you are ready.
Read the NO Contact and print it out. This person is toxic and manipulative.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by Angel1234 
Thanks everyone. I'm just still shocked. I shouldn't be but I am. My ex knows me better. He KNOWS I have never abused or neglected my daughter. Typing that sentence makes me want to cry. I've never even spanked her and I certainly don't leave her home alone. I'm trying to breathe and relax but this is horrible. I'm humiliated. Had to call my daycare provider and explain to her that CPS would be visiting her home. Just wow.
I hope you call the cops if he ever steps foot on your property again.
I hope you never take his dog again.
I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful, peaceful holiday without this jerk ever bothering you again.
Take good care, so sorry for this trouble.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Angels, I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I can tell that you love your daughter very much and would not intentionally do anything to hurt or neglect her. Please consider the possibility that your daughter has suffered from unnecessary pain and chaos because of the decision you made to let this man stay in your life in the past despite all his problems. Today is a new day, and you can make decisions that will give your daughter a more peaceful childhood. It sounds like this was a breaking point for you. I'm so glad to hear it! I wish you and your daughter tons of peace and happiness over the holidays!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Originally Posted by Angel1234
Thanks everyone. I'm just still shocked. I shouldn't be but I am. My ex knows me better. He KNOWS I have never abused or neglected my daughter. Typing that sentence makes me want to cry. I've never even spanked her and I certainly don't leave her home alone. I'm trying to breathe and relax but this is horrible. I'm humiliated. Had to call my daycare provider and explain to her that CPS would be visiting her home. Just wow.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
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I cannot believe people are capable of this
So right now you need to figure out a way to manage your anxiety, which isn't easy by any stretch. Make sure you take deep breaths. Drink plenty of water (this will flush the cortizol out of your system). Distract yourself with things like music. Talk to friends when you have the chance. You can and will get through this if you do the right things.
ZoSo
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Well I know he is not on drugs right now. That's what is making this even more shocking. If he were, I would not be as shocked. He did try and call me earlier in the day like I said so I came home and didn't hear from him for hours so I went to bed. It was not in the middle of the night but it was late. He did call again before he came over and I think he assumed I would be up but we went to bed really early. Still......it doesn't matter.
His mother and father mind you were not exactly model parents. His father drank all the time and would not come home for days and when he did he and his mom would get in physical fights in front of the kids, physically abuse my ex and his brother when they got in trouble and now his mom is a huge drinker. Her son is an addict who ended up in jail again for having drugs on him. Her son was at my home the previous weekend, the entire weekend, with my daughter and I and never saw me touch a sip of alcohol. He's told me that his sister in law used to leave both of his nephews at home alone so she can go to the bar. These are the people who are claiming I leave my child home alone for hours on several occasions and neglect her.
I didn't mention that my cell was acting weird yesterday so I turned it off and back on and a voicemail popped into it from the morning after they left my home and he was saying things like I'm a disaster and I'm drunk around my kid half the time and I am a liar. This is from the person that spent the previous week with me and never saw me touch a sip of alcohol. . . the guy that pretends that he was sorry and he didn't want things to end so horribly in a text last night. WHAT:?! I'm not that stupid. His mother may have freaked when she heard my daughter crying but he fed into ALL of this. God knows what he lied about to her and God knows what he will tell CPS. I just want this all to end.
I'm not worried about anyone they speak to. Everyone, including my childs father and daycare provider, will do nothing but say great things about me as a parent. They already told me that because they know the truth. But it scares me to think they will call my ex. I'm not even sure why they would want to talk to him.
Zoso - I agree that we can only control our reactions. Mine were not good towards him all weekend long when I was trying to give him his dog back. I could have handled the situation better myself but I certainly didn't deserve CPS. I searched online and they have 30 days to complete their investigation. It's going to be longest 30 days of my life.
His mother and father mind you were not exactly model parents. His father drank all the time and would not come home for days and when he did he and his mom would get in physical fights in front of the kids, physically abuse my ex and his brother when they got in trouble and now his mom is a huge drinker. Her son is an addict who ended up in jail again for having drugs on him. Her son was at my home the previous weekend, the entire weekend, with my daughter and I and never saw me touch a sip of alcohol. He's told me that his sister in law used to leave both of his nephews at home alone so she can go to the bar. These are the people who are claiming I leave my child home alone for hours on several occasions and neglect her.
I didn't mention that my cell was acting weird yesterday so I turned it off and back on and a voicemail popped into it from the morning after they left my home and he was saying things like I'm a disaster and I'm drunk around my kid half the time and I am a liar. This is from the person that spent the previous week with me and never saw me touch a sip of alcohol. . . the guy that pretends that he was sorry and he didn't want things to end so horribly in a text last night. WHAT:?! I'm not that stupid. His mother may have freaked when she heard my daughter crying but he fed into ALL of this. God knows what he lied about to her and God knows what he will tell CPS. I just want this all to end.
I'm not worried about anyone they speak to. Everyone, including my childs father and daycare provider, will do nothing but say great things about me as a parent. They already told me that because they know the truth. But it scares me to think they will call my ex. I'm not even sure why they would want to talk to him.
Zoso - I agree that we can only control our reactions. Mine were not good towards him all weekend long when I was trying to give him his dog back. I could have handled the situation better myself but I certainly didn't deserve CPS. I searched online and they have 30 days to complete their investigation. It's going to be longest 30 days of my life.
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Zoso - I agree that we can only control our reactions. Mine were not good towards him all weekend long when I was trying to give him his dog back. I could have handled the situation better myself but I certainly didn't deserve CPS. I searched online and they have 30 days to complete their investigation. It's going to be longest 30 days of my life.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
Posts: 757
angel
CPS is a scary thing to go through. but i know a few people who are CPS agents. they told me it is actually very difficult to take away some ones children. sounds like you have a he said/ she said type of situation. they told me stories of your type os situation all the time. and most of there complaints are before, during, or immediately after a separation or divorce. just be honest with them and tell them your story. i think they may want to look at your house. but i would remember your constitutional rights and dont let them violate them or bully you either.
CPS is a scary thing to go through. but i know a few people who are CPS agents. they told me it is actually very difficult to take away some ones children. sounds like you have a he said/ she said type of situation. they told me stories of your type os situation all the time. and most of there complaints are before, during, or immediately after a separation or divorce. just be honest with them and tell them your story. i think they may want to look at your house. but i would remember your constitutional rights and dont let them violate them or bully you either.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope and pray that you are done, because it is just so low what him and his mother did. CPS will take about 30 days and you will be fine. They might ask you to do random urine tests, might interview your chid (or did they do so aready), talk to your daycare provider. I had experience with CPS, it can be very stressful, I know 
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Originally Posted by robgt350
angel
CPS is a scary thing to go through. but i know a few people who are CPS agents. they told me it is actually very difficult to take away some ones children. sounds like you have a he said/ she said type of situation. they told me stories of your type os situation all the time. and most of there complaints are before, during, or immediately after a separation or divorce. just be honest with them and tell them your story. i think they may want to look at your house. but i would remember your constitutional rights and dont let them violate them or bully you either.
CPS is a scary thing to go through. but i know a few people who are CPS agents. they told me it is actually very difficult to take away some ones children. sounds like you have a he said/ she said type of situation. they told me stories of your type os situation all the time. and most of there complaints are before, during, or immediately after a separation or divorce. just be honest with them and tell them your story. i think they may want to look at your house. but i would remember your constitutional rights and dont let them violate them or bully you either.
This! Do not sign anything and unless CPS was there that night and saw that your child was alone, its he said, she said. You were at home, with your child, in bed, thsi guy is crazy, you ended the relationship, end of story.
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