Katchie

I haven't been on here in a few weeks. Things were better for a little bit..a little bit. AH has admitted he needs help, but says he will get it after the holidays; yeah, I know. I'm not holding my breath.

I had the task of making Thanksgiving dinner. I served 18 people in my home; it was lovely...Until we sat down to eat. I'm tired, have worked hard, I'm anticipating everyone's ooo's and ahh's. I really love to make people happy with food; I'm a darn good cook! Then, out of no where, AH says something sexual at the head of the table and with his mother opposite me!!! What the H***!!!!

Fast forward to today... I'm on speaker phone with my stepmother going over Christmas plans. We will be traveling to her home. It's going to be crowded with my family of 6, my sister's family, my niece and her new husband, and another niece and her 4 yr old. Busy, busy. As I'm wrapping up the phone call, my AH hollers to her that we need our own room since I will be ovulating while we are there and we will be busy trying to conceive...WHAT the h***!!! I give him that look and all he can say is WHAT? REALLY?? I suspicioned he was drinking when he walked in; he only confirmed it with his inappropriate smart a** sexual comments. Then he goes to take a nap like all is well and normal.
I have no idea if my stepmom heard him or not. It's not my problem.

RhodeIsland

Wow. Talk about making things awkward.

Are you prepared to have another child with him? How do you feel about his desire to see you conceive a child?

Katchie

Well, not only was it inappropriate, it was wildly untrue. He just thought it was funny; he thought he was being a comedian. In his "right" mind, he would know that would not be funny and only awkward for my stepmother. He never says stupid things like that sober. What an arse.

And no, if I had had a crystal ball 22 years ago and knew things would be like this, I'd have to think twice about marrying him. I wouldn't want to give up my sons I do have, though. I love them dearly, but I can't say that about AH a lot of the time.

RhodeIsland

He's gonna run that joke into the ground huh?

Katchie

Unfortunately for me, I'm always the brunt end of his drunk sexual joking when he's like that. He did this a Christmas a year ago in front of my dad saying I don't put out enough. I hate it. It's humiliating. Most of the time it is his gross joke about me in front of others that is my first clue he's been drinking.

RhodeIsland

Katchie, I think you might dread the holidays more than anyone I know!

Addressing his comments directly to the intended audience might be the best way - let them know his off color jokes are his, and not yours. You've let him know you don't find it funny - now be direct to his audience and explain you don't find it funny. Don't have shame in your eyes - it isn't your shame to bear. People write about detachment, and I think detaching from shame is one of the hardest things to do.

You don't deserve to be humiliated like that. I wish I had a magical stick to fix behavior like this, but unfortunately I lost it when I rammed it up my aunts 2nd husbands ***.

Katchie

[QUOTE=I wish I had a magical stick to fix behavior like this, but unfortunately I lost it when I rammed it up my aunts 2nd husbands ***.[/QUOTE]

I want a magical stick so I can give that a try! hehe!

Thank you for the advice. I will do just that.

Hammer

I want to come your dinners.

Sounds like fun.




LOOK AT THE BREASTS ON THAT ONE! THE TURKEY I MEAN! HAR HAR HAR HAR.

marie1960

AND Hammer get the hot gravy boat dropped in his lap. (it was an accident, my bad)
shaking my head here, bad, bad hammer!

choublak

Why do you still include him in family holiday plans?

choublak

I know that if I were in that situation and my A started making inappropriate sexual comments, say, during a Thanksgiving dinner, my mother would have asked me not to bring him back to any more holiday things.

hopeful4

Hugs .... magic sticks for all of us for xmas!

Katchie

If his mother knew he said that, she would give him a good old Irish thrashing, but she, and they, don't know. They've never known. He can make a comment like that and his family and mine probably think they heard him wrong. It's my own private h***. Though I have told my sister so I at least have her to talk to.

m1k3

I have a magic stick but I'm afraid I'll get in trouble if I use it.

---- note humor alert.



Your friend,

HopeIsHere

Thank you ! you make my day

kudzujean

When he does stuff like that, how about saying, "He's trying to embarrass me." That puts
the blame where it belongs--on him.

Refiner

Or just say "Have another drink, Hun" (in disgust)

dandylion

Actually, I would probably smile sweetly and say to the group in my thickest southern accent: "OH, don't pay attention to him, you all--he talks like that because he has such low self-esteem".

(Then, privately tell him to start packing because I can't live like that).

dandylion

Florence

I have no idea what that is. HA.

lizw

These days I would probably reply with a comment that involved him heading in the direction of getting better acquainted with his right or left hand, if he kept it up.

When I let another person make crap comments about me with no reproach, I just feel like crap, these days I can usually respond in away that puts the spot light where it belongs, instead of standing in it myself and dying of embarrassment.