SadPandaBear

Hello all, I've just finished day four (again). I've been having a hard time quieting down my AV these last few days. The cravings are so intense and uncomfortable, yadda, yadda, yadda and I know things will eventually get better. But in the meantime, how do you get over this pity party and tell yourself that you are not depriving yourself of anything and that it isn't a reward to look forward to at the end of the day anymore? Any advice is much appreciated.

DoubleBarrel

In my case alcohol was killing me.

I was depriving myself of hangovers, being broke, stomach ulcers, fights, losing my family, shaking uncontrollably when the alcohol content of my blood would get too low.

I was also depriving myself of beer *****, vomiting every morning, trips to the ER, making a fool of myself in front of my kids, and losing credibility and respect,in the community.

What are you depriving yourself of? Why are you here?

Raider

Sadpandabear, it will get better the longer you hang tough. It's a hard thing you are doing. Maybe you can find other ways to reward yourself. Maybe a piece of chocolate, a hot bath, a new book, ice cream, a long phone call to a sober friend, take a walk, pray, read, write, paint, do anything you love. It's a whole new way to live. Good luck to you. I know why you are here. Keep posting friend.

CCW

SadPandaBear. Congratulations on day four! My recommendation to you to keep on going is to expose yourself. Go to a meeting, talk to a friend or family member and let that person or those people know you are there and what your are overcoming. Don't keep it inside. Posting on here is one thing, but leaving the virtual world and going face to face with someone is a necessary step. Also, what got me through my first days was changing my habit patterns. Whatever made you drink/puff/snort/etc. usually was based on a habit pattern. Do something different. Keep your mind off the vice and begin to tell yourself how bad things were when you were abusing and how great things are going to be in recovery. You are 4 days into a lifetime of happiness and opportunity that won't be there unless if you go back to your vice. Remember, take to take it easy just one day at a time!

hypochondriac

My tactic was to reward myself with something else. Took a while but eventually it became normal to reward myself with something that made me feel good rather than something that made me feel rubbish. Also it isn't a bad idea to write down all the negative things about drinking so you can read it if you start to feel sorry for yourself that you can't drink - lest we forget... x

Nonsensical

You can make yours be quiet? I've yet to master that trick. Mine just goes on and on and on. Lie after lie after lie. One of his favorites is "You're deprived...you deserve a drink...you can handle just one or two..."

I gave up trying to make mine be quiet. I had to learn how to live with that bastid's yammering in my head without letting his lies kill me.

Best of luck to you!

PurpleKnight

Yeah rather than focussing on the things you think your "missing out on", focus on the things that you are gaining, hangover free mornings, long term health benefits, fresh feeling at work, shedding a few pounds etc etc

KateL

Yeah I go withe the no hangover thing, always works. xxx

ImperfectlyMe

I'm a bit removed now from those early knee buckling cravings but, I remember liking it to when I took my daughters pacifier away. I had many inner temper tantrums. I want it I want it I want it. There are many things that can distract you temporarily. But time is the greatest healer. That voice inside will quiet and your will, will grow in strength. Change up you route if you are getting associations.

The one thing that really worked for me was in the beginning was stopping what I was doing thinking the thought through letting the emotions come and go. They will go I promise you this!

tootsl1

Panda, for me it was altering how I perceived what I was doing. You see I have a choice. I can choose to drink any time I like, but if I do I am choosing the life that goes with it. I chose not to drink, because I love my life now. As long as I think of it as a choice, then I am not being deprived.
Same as if I chose to eat that sundae, I will have to buy bigger pants( ok slightly simplistic, but the theory is the same)

newme2day

REALLY think about this for a bit . . . Drinking is a reward . . .no dont think so. I woke up with a sinus headache this morning. Reminded me of a slight hangover. No thanks. Thats not a reward. Try a piece of cheesecake or chocolate!

ClearMind

I find what works for me is telling myself that I get to be sober.. it's a positive thing to be sober because there are really no benefits in drinking. I find thinking of all the negative consequences (and there are many) has never acted as a deterrent for me, but if I focus on what positive things I get out of staying sober then this is what helps me. I get to have a clear mind, to have all of my senses, to have a "real" sense of confidence and sociability.

CactusJill

I understand what you mean, because I used alcohol as a "reward" as well. Replace it with something else. For me, I replace it with watching tv at the end of the day, a good book, a hot cup of my favorite luxury brand of tea. I plan to celebrate each month sober with going out for dinner, which is something I enjoy and can do without alcohol.

jkb

I absolutely understand where you are coming from. At first it is not only the cravings but the routine of it all. Try to change up your routine a bit and do something good for you (or maybe not so good... many times I rewarded myself with chocolate...lol)

Jess

spryte

Drinking is the most deceptive reward there is. When you think it's a reward, that's your Addictive Voice lying to you. It lies and lies, but you don't need to listen to it. You've given it power by listening to it in the past, but it doesn't need to be that way anymore. You have a choice.

Be patient, try new things after work, and in time you will start to find TRULY pleasurable things to do. Take a walk, call a friend, go to the gym, read a book, watch some TV...there are lots of things to try. And chores can be pleasurable too after work, getting things done and organized at home, a sense of accomplishment and a feeling like your life is under control. Cook up a big batch of chili and freeze it, and you've got supper for those busy days when you don't have time to prepare a meal.

I wish you well and congratulations on day 4!!

Threshold

I totally relate. I couldn't truly commit to my sobriety until I realized that it had nothing to do with depriving myself, but rather is about freeing myself to be able to do what I want with my life.

Addiction kept me a prisoner to my drives. Sobriety freed me. Those are not pretty words to trick my mind. It's the absolute truth. That reality check helped me get over an important hump.

When I felt like I was missing out...I did a reality check of what drinking/drugging etc actually did to my life. And, it was pretty clear that I wasn't missing out on much that was good. Beyond that first warm slip of that first drink...everything after that was bad.

It took time to develop new habits, activities and to let myself enjoy them. But that does get better if we don't entertain pity thoughts and instead get busy doing something else.

On weekends, early on. I did a lot of housecleaning, watching movies, hiking (even at night), and hanging out here, to break the habit of "poor me, I should be drinking"...but a couple months of that and I stopped feeling like I should be drinking/drugging and was actually free to choose from any number of other things to do. THAT was empowering!

malcolmsloan

I want to add that, for me, with each passing craving, with each successful day/night, while the AV does not go away, it does get weaker and I get stronger.

Nonsensical

Caving in to the craving was a habit.

Telling it "no" is the new habit.

ADaisyifyoudo

I went to therapy after I quit drinking, mostly to try to find some habits and thought patterns that could replace my old habit (drinking). It was helpful. Tried lots of different "rewards" instead of drinking. Exercise is wonderful (taking an evening class - yoga, crossfit, meditation, whatever. . . is awesome, or going to a climbing gym at night, or even making plans with friends to go running in the morning was a good incentive not to drink at night and feel like crap in the morning). Meditation is also great - buy a few different DVDs on guided meditations and find one you like. AA meetings work for many, many people - didn't for me, but that's OK too. Invest in really nice teas (Harney and Son) if you like them - the ritual of making myself a cup/pot of tea (decaf) in the evening is very nice (and if you throw a little sugar in there you itch a bit of the sugar craving that alcohol used to scratch). I also found that I like making (and eating) deserts. Not to excess, but I do enjoy a small sweet something and it gives me a reward at the end of the day. Do you enjoy listening to music or other broadcast programs? Carve out time at the end of the day to listen to your favorite album, RadioLab, etc.

Keep it up! I gave up drinking almost 3 years ago now and remember those first few months as really awful. It gets SO much better and you will not regret the decision to quit drinking (I NEVER wake up and think, MAN, I wish I were still drinking).

:-)

hokey

For me, I don't feel like I'm depriving myself of anything (in fact I am in total agreement with DoubleBarrel on that topic! ) ... that's not the root of my cravings. It's more about associations and triggers ... certain places, people, emotions (anger in particular). But when I manage to quiet that monster in my head, I don't feel a sense of deprivation, I feel a sense of empowerment, at least for the moment LOL.