malcolmsloan

I just had a major test/challenge. I was with a group of people who are not only unaware that I stopped drinking, but they are also unaware that I have a problem with alcohol. Many threads ago, I talked about how well I hid my drinking--I think only my wife knew the extent. This would backfire on me when, in the past, I'd try to talk to people about my problem and they would not believe me. Years ago, people knew I drank too much, but everyone thinks I got it under control.

Anyway, long story short, I was not just offered a drink, but had one, full, slid toward me. Now, it was not a big deal to turn it down and no one said anything, but ZAP! my mind jumped to wanting a drink pretty darn bad. Resist in front of people so they don't know, then stop and the store and get as much as I want, stash some in the garage so I get top off when I need to, and drink at home, in the shadows. This was my routine, and it is being challenged tonight. However, as soon as I could, I left, sat in the car and played the tape. I drove home, no stopping, turned on the radio and listened to mindless sports talk to distract me, and as soon as I got home jumped here to check in with you guys. I think I'm fine. I won't go out. But man, this is a tough one. Stupid AV is telling me I can handle a few drinks. I can't

SOrry for the rant. I'ts a bit incoherent, I know, but I needed to jam down some thoughts.

I hope everyone is having a sober sunday.

Nonsensical

You're going to feel REALLY good tomorrow morning.

Venecia

Good for you for seeking support from your fellow journeyers on SR, Malcolm. Hang in there and take some deep breaths. Our AVs are losing strength. It's going to pass.

Might sound kind of trite, but when mine had a louder voice, sometimes I'd go to youtube and look for clips from movies I found especially funny. I'm a big fan of some of Christopher Guest's flicks -- "Spinal Tap," "Waiting for Guffman," "Best Of Show." I'd make myself laugh. It helped me. Maybe you?

You can do this. You are already.

malcolmsloan

I Love Spinal Tap! Just the reference made me smile. Thanks

hokey

Good for you getting yourself out of the situation and turning here! It's so damn hard to ignore that voice sometimes ... sometimes we have to grind through it minute by minute. But I am so glad you did You CAN do this Malcolm! You squashed that monster today!!!!

Bruce292

You did good! Seriously. Tomorrow congratulate yourself for waking up without any alcohol illness. Go look in the mirror and tell the person looking back "I WIN!!!!".

Mikie9

Good job man! I was around drinkers last night, and the smell of bourbon made my mouth water. I only drank bourbon on rare occasions, I thought it would be fine. NO. it would not be fine. We are wanting to get away from the buzz and having it be our day, our emotions, our lives, our reward and our punishment... our time to "think".

I got a text later last night from one of the people who I was with, and I still can't figure out what language they were trying to speak lol. I did like you, and distracted myself until that voice went away and I got back to being alive.

Glad you made it through

MIRecovery

Good for not drinking.

For me I avoid drinking situations because I never know when I may be tempted

wiscsober

That stuff happens where alcohol is being served.

Iluvdisney

Way to be STRONG!!!!

Brian316

Good job dude. I'm glad no one made a big deal about it. I can relate to hiding out drinking at home in the shadows as well it's how I lived the last couple years of my drinking "life". Glad you made it thru!

Kaneda8888

Well done, you can build on that now !