update on family troubles...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
update on family troubles...
Hello SR friends,
I wanted to give you an update on the situation with my brother, SIL, and niece. First of all, I am so grateful for all the support you gave me in making the very difficult decision to call CPS after my brother told me that my SIL tried to choke my niece.
I didn't hear from my brother for a week or two after I sent him an e-mail telling him that I called CPS. I warned him I was going to call and tried to give him a chance to do it himself, but instead he tried to talk me out of it and I finally decided to get it over with. I told him in the e-mail that I hoped we could remain close but that I felt I had to do this.
Anyway, my brother finally called me this past week. He said that CPS did come out, and that they told my SIL she could not put her hands on my niece again. He wasn't very clear about what else happened, just said they will come back again to check on my niece. I wish that my niece could escape the situation. It makes me angry that my brother won't ask my SIL to move out, but at least he has hired a nanny to be there in the afternoon when my niece gets home from school so that she won't be alone with my SIL in the afternoon before my brother gets home from work. He didn't tell the nanny what's been going on, though! I feel bad for this poor 24yo nanny, not knowing what she's getting into!
I am glad I called CPS because I'm not sure if he would have made these changes without that pressure, and I hope my SIL will be on her best behavior knowing that CPS is monitoring the situation. But as I told my brother, I think her fits of anger are spontaneous and not something she plans out, so IDK whether she will get any better or not. Meanwhile, my brother must have told her enough about what I've said and done to upset her, because she de-friended me on FB.
I was planning to visit them at Christmas time, but I told him that I'm wondering now whether that would be uncomfortable, and he said that yes he was afraid I would and it was probably better if I don't come. This is tough for me because I'm single and my parents are both dead and I don't really have anywhere to be on Christmas. I would appreciate any suggestions from people who have no or limited contact with their families about how you keep yourselves busy on Christmas! I'm also going to have to find a way to explain to my niece why I won't be there. She was expecting me. I love buying her presents (her parents rarely buy her clothes and I enjoy shopping for her), and I'm bummed that I won't be there to give them to her.
Thanks again, SR friends!
-JJJ
I wanted to give you an update on the situation with my brother, SIL, and niece. First of all, I am so grateful for all the support you gave me in making the very difficult decision to call CPS after my brother told me that my SIL tried to choke my niece.
I didn't hear from my brother for a week or two after I sent him an e-mail telling him that I called CPS. I warned him I was going to call and tried to give him a chance to do it himself, but instead he tried to talk me out of it and I finally decided to get it over with. I told him in the e-mail that I hoped we could remain close but that I felt I had to do this.
Anyway, my brother finally called me this past week. He said that CPS did come out, and that they told my SIL she could not put her hands on my niece again. He wasn't very clear about what else happened, just said they will come back again to check on my niece. I wish that my niece could escape the situation. It makes me angry that my brother won't ask my SIL to move out, but at least he has hired a nanny to be there in the afternoon when my niece gets home from school so that she won't be alone with my SIL in the afternoon before my brother gets home from work. He didn't tell the nanny what's been going on, though! I feel bad for this poor 24yo nanny, not knowing what she's getting into!
I am glad I called CPS because I'm not sure if he would have made these changes without that pressure, and I hope my SIL will be on her best behavior knowing that CPS is monitoring the situation. But as I told my brother, I think her fits of anger are spontaneous and not something she plans out, so IDK whether she will get any better or not. Meanwhile, my brother must have told her enough about what I've said and done to upset her, because she de-friended me on FB.
I was planning to visit them at Christmas time, but I told him that I'm wondering now whether that would be uncomfortable, and he said that yes he was afraid I would and it was probably better if I don't come. This is tough for me because I'm single and my parents are both dead and I don't really have anywhere to be on Christmas. I would appreciate any suggestions from people who have no or limited contact with their families about how you keep yourselves busy on Christmas! I'm also going to have to find a way to explain to my niece why I won't be there. She was expecting me. I love buying her presents (her parents rarely buy her clothes and I enjoy shopping for her), and I'm bummed that I won't be there to give them to her.
Thanks again, SR friends!
-JJJ
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There are many ways to enjoy Christmas when family isn't in the plan...you can go to church Christmas Eve and enjoy the music and service...you can call the Salvation Army and help deliver gifts or volunteer to help them in a soup kitchen or food bank..you can buy yourself a special gift and spend Christmas Day enjoying it (a good book or movie or something to start a new hobby or craft). There are many ways to keep yourself busy and happy when others are not with you. Maybe bake cookies and take them to seniors in your neighbourhood and have tea with them and visit a while...they're lonely too.
Let us know how you make out. You CAN have a merry Christmas, just think of what would make you happy.
Hugs
Let us know how you make out. You CAN have a merry Christmas, just think of what would make you happy.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 98
Maybe your brother would be OK with your niece coming to visit you or with you having an outing with your niece. It may be uncomfortable for your brother and SIL, but not with your niece.
As far as Christmas, maybe find a volunteer opportunity with a local church or shelter. I have known people who did this instead of giving presents.
As far as Christmas, maybe find a volunteer opportunity with a local church or shelter. I have known people who did this instead of giving presents.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
JJJ111 thank you for the update on the situation involving your niece. Would your brother allow you to have a day of shopping and fun on Christmas Eve or close to it? I agree with others, you could do some volunteering or find someone else you know who is alone and get together with them. I would go to church. Also if you look in your local paper there are places that hold dinners for those that have nowhere to go. I wish you a Merry Christmas filled with lots of love and joy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Thanks so much to all of you for your kind words and suggestions for Christmas fun! My brother lives in another state, so there's not really any way to see him and my niece briefly. I would have to travel there, and it sounds like I'm not very welcome even if I did go. (Which stinks, both because I'd like to be with family and also because I've already paid for the trip!) Anyway, it looks like I'll need to make the best of it at home and hope to see him and my niece another time.
I liked Ann's suggestion about giving myself a gift I can spend the day enjoying. I just ordered a novel I've been wanting to read, and a book on painting so that I can play with some paints I bought a couple years ago but have never used. My Mom was really into painting, and I think taking it up might be a nice way to reconnect with her memory. I'm going to look into homeless shelters or a retirement home where I could volunteer, too. It would be nice to get out, as well as play at home! I haven't gone to church except for funerals and weddings since I was a kid, but maybe I will go to a Christmas service at a local church that is the same denomination that I was confirmed in as a kid, just to be around nice folks and sing some carols.
I liked Ann's suggestion about giving myself a gift I can spend the day enjoying. I just ordered a novel I've been wanting to read, and a book on painting so that I can play with some paints I bought a couple years ago but have never used. My Mom was really into painting, and I think taking it up might be a nice way to reconnect with her memory. I'm going to look into homeless shelters or a retirement home where I could volunteer, too. It would be nice to get out, as well as play at home! I haven't gone to church except for funerals and weddings since I was a kid, but maybe I will go to a Christmas service at a local church that is the same denomination that I was confirmed in as a kid, just to be around nice folks and sing some carols.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Thanks for giving us this update. I think some very good suggestions were made on ways to enjoy the holidays. Please spend your Christmas knowing that you've already given your niece the best present. You spoke up on her behalf by calling cps. That was a very courageous thing you did to keep her safe.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
The you for the update. I am so glad you are finding things to do special just for yourself. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and find your time volunteering that day rewarding. it is very sad that you cannot spend the holiday with your brother and niece but in the end you did the right thing and kept a scary situation from becoming more volatile.
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