I am in pain...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Toledo,OH
Posts: 3
I am in pain...
Hello,
I am thirty days sober.
I have had periods of sobriety over the past fifteen years.
My husband left me three months ago,he is an opiate addict,and alcoholic.
His mother died when he was three months old,of an opiate o.d.
Both of his sisters are dead from drugs and alcohol.
He is 36 years old and has FAS.
I still feel such love,and concern for him.
I feel,in my sober mind,that I failed him terribly.
I was cruel to him,I damaged his already fragile state.
He is always in my daily thoughts.My thoughts are causing me great distress and excruciating pain.I know I could have been a healing force in his tragic
Life,had I been sober.
Should I try to reconcile with him,help him?
He has got a lot of anger inside himself.
He has been physically violent to me,but I pushed him into a lot of emotional traps.
I wrote him a letter,he has not responded.
What should I do?I sometimes feel life without him is not worth the suffering....
I feel more hopeless each day of his silence.
Thanks,Sabella
I am thirty days sober.
I have had periods of sobriety over the past fifteen years.
My husband left me three months ago,he is an opiate addict,and alcoholic.
His mother died when he was three months old,of an opiate o.d.
Both of his sisters are dead from drugs and alcohol.
He is 36 years old and has FAS.
I still feel such love,and concern for him.
I feel,in my sober mind,that I failed him terribly.
I was cruel to him,I damaged his already fragile state.
He is always in my daily thoughts.My thoughts are causing me great distress and excruciating pain.I know I could have been a healing force in his tragic
Life,had I been sober.
Should I try to reconcile with him,help him?
He has got a lot of anger inside himself.
He has been physically violent to me,but I pushed him into a lot of emotional traps.
I wrote him a letter,he has not responded.
What should I do?I sometimes feel life without him is not worth the suffering....
I feel more hopeless each day of his silence.
Thanks,Sabella
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Hi Sabella, it sounds very much as if you need to find some counselling quick smart: for YOURSELF so you can obtain some relief from this intense suffering about and for your ex.
I know it's hard to hear, let alone to really gain true detachment, but everything you've described sounds as if you have been enmeshed in a pretty unhealthy relationship. I speak from lots of painful experience of my own, and feel for you. But you are decidedly NOT responsible for him, only for yourself and your sobriety - 30 days is awesome. Stick with it, and do get yourself a counsellor. You don't have to suffer this alone.
Others will be along too on SR to offer their encouragement and support. Welcome to our merry band!
Big hug x
I know it's hard to hear, let alone to really gain true detachment, but everything you've described sounds as if you have been enmeshed in a pretty unhealthy relationship. I speak from lots of painful experience of my own, and feel for you. But you are decidedly NOT responsible for him, only for yourself and your sobriety - 30 days is awesome. Stick with it, and do get yourself a counsellor. You don't have to suffer this alone.
Others will be along too on SR to offer their encouragement and support. Welcome to our merry band!
Big hug x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Toledo,OH
Posts: 3
Thank you Bemyself,
Your words bring me comfort.
I must find help.as you suggested.
Remorse ,fear,and guilt seem to always lead me onto a self destructive path.
Thank you,again.
Love,Sabella
Your words bring me comfort.
I must find help.as you suggested.
Remorse ,fear,and guilt seem to always lead me onto a self destructive path.
Thank you,again.
Love,Sabella
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to SR from a fellow Buckeye! I too suggest support/counseling for yourself. You are so wrapped up in your ex's problems and that doesn't leave much time to take care of yourself. If he hasn't responded that might mean he doesn't want to continue the relationship.
My dad used to always say "when you're alone, at least you know you're in good company". I can add to that "better to be alone than to be treated badly." There is no excuse for violence.
My dad used to always say "when you're alone, at least you know you're in good company". I can add to that "better to be alone than to be treated badly." There is no excuse for violence.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Hi Sabella,
First off, congrats on 30 days sober!
Dealing with an addict that you love, especially when you're battling your own addiction, is so tough.
I'd suggest definitely checking out our friends and family section for some insight into how to deal with your husband. Remember that you didn't cause his addiction. And you can't control it or cure it either. The only thing you can really do is work on yourself.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers
First off, congrats on 30 days sober!
Dealing with an addict that you love, especially when you're battling your own addiction, is so tough.
I'd suggest definitely checking out our friends and family section for some insight into how to deal with your husband. Remember that you didn't cause his addiction. And you can't control it or cure it either. The only thing you can really do is work on yourself.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Hi Sabella,
I heard one time, "The best thing to do is nothing" When we are not sure of which direction to take, just sit quietly and the right action or words will come to you as long as we have our own house in order!
Blessings and best wishes to you on your journey!
I heard one time, "The best thing to do is nothing" When we are not sure of which direction to take, just sit quietly and the right action or words will come to you as long as we have our own house in order!
Blessings and best wishes to you on your journey!
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Hi Sabella! Congrats on 30 days, that is awesome! I think it would be wise to work on you. You know how who you take a flight, they always give the demo about the oxygen mask and that adults should put theirs on prior to helping children? I think the same thing applies here.
Keep posting and keep up the great work!
Keep posting and keep up the great work!
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