joshlyman

38 days sober. Had to take a cab home from the mall last night and it was the same driver I had on my last drunk (and many drunks.) I have canceled on this cab driver when drunk more times than I can count, ususally in favor of another cab that could pick me up from the bar at a later time. Well last night he told me all of the gory details of my last drunk-throwing up in his cab, being belligerent towards him, etc.

How do you guys deal with this during sobriety? I want to crawl into a hole and die now. I was blacked out on my last drunk so I had NO recolection of any of this.

KateL

You can only apologise and assure them that you were unwell which is not the case now. Never feel bad about the past. The real us is the sober us and guilt and shame are destructive. Move on and forget about it. He did go on a bit didn't he? Was he ok about it and did you apologise, just out of interest. Some people of course just don't get it. You'll be fine and well done. Don't let it upset you x

Mags1

Don't beat yourself up over it, it's the past and you cannot change it.
Our regrets strengthen our goal to stay sober.
I nearly ruined my marriage before I sobered up, it will take a while to heal all the hurt I caused to my husband when drunk. I just know I never want to go back to being that irresponsible drunk and thankful I stopped.

Rejoice in the fact you're 38 days sober and counting.

Mountainmanbob

dealing with the record of our past can be a good thing. At times it shows me what a fool I truly was when drinking.

MsJax

I would give him a really nice tip & apologize once. Then stay sober so your actions back up your words...

As time passes & you stay clean stuff like this will fade away. I did so many stupid awful things when I was drunk. Living well & clean is the only remedy (for me). And never forget.

Sportygirl78

I'm in a similar spot as you as far as embarrassment. My last night drinking was this past Thursday and somehow I got pulled over and let walk home. I barely remember this. Half way home I run into a friend and he offers to go get my car and drive me home. I sit in my car in front of my house for a few, I remember this. The next thing I remember is standing in my front yard trying to find my house keys, which were in my pocket apparently, and the same cops pull up and arrest me for drunk in public because they said someone called them saying someone was yelling. I said it wasn't me, but they commented on my car being there and didn't believe I didn't drive it and off to jail I went.

I am completely humiliated that this happened, especially that I was driving. I have to face my family and coworkers and friends now and I can't believe I was so stupid. I feel like crawling in the corner and dying, too. So this thread is nice to find.

Mountainmanbob

in the AA Program they advise us
not to forget the past or shut the door on it
I don't want to ever forget some of the foolish things I did while drunk
sure - I have been forgiven - but - wish to never repeat

if someone threw up in my cab - yes - I would go on a bit over it

being embarrassed because of our past can be a very good thing
helps to humble one
of the original AA 6 Steps -- #1 - Complete Deflation
being humble or humbled can be the start for recovery

facing these facts head-on can help to break the EGO

Ease
God
Out

MM

mecanix

Isn't it a relief & nice to know you don't ever have to do that or be that person ever again

Keep on

m

Anna

I know it's really hard to go through something like this. I tried to believe that this was part of the healing process for me. Use this experience as a reminder to not go back there again.

Carlotta

Joshlyman, I think the best thing to do is acknowledge you were wrong and make amends on the spot (in this case apologizing to the driver and tipping him nicely which I am sure you did ) then moving on with you life.
It's useless to beat yourself up for what happened, you can't change the past.
What you can do is remember what that man told you: it is not just about you making an ass of yourself it is also about your drinking affecting others financially (by standing him up after booking a trip with him) and also giving them extra very unpleasant work (cleaning after your puked).
Congratulations on 38 days. btw

NoJimmy

I'd say apologize and let it reinforce your new new direction in sobriety. Dealing with the wreckage from our past is part of the process, don't let it take you to a dark place.

FluffUSPS

You're back on the beam now. Staying on that beam is the best "I'm sorry" you need to make right now. You weren't the first experience of this kind for that cabbie I'm sure. I start my day sober, gracious, and determined to do the next right thing. Eventually will come the time to clear the water with the cabbie.

Nighthawk8820

Those are just things you have done, not who you are. Let it be a reminder instead of something that inspires shame, so you remember where you were and how bad it was. Use that to propel you forward, not bring you down.

KateL

I disagree. My opinion is that of course you never forget, but to obsess about it and beat yourself with a stick can cause guilt and negativity. To me that was detrimental and that is why I no longer go to AA. If I hadn't moved on from such things, I would have probably never got better. We can be very different in out approach, just as long as it works. So I would be grateful if you would not poo poo something that has kept me well for ten years. Many thanks, Bob x

kadidee

I agree with MsJax and Carlotta...apologize once and tip him well. As time goes on and he sees you sober, those bad memories will fade.

And, know you are not alone! I guarantee you that everyone of us on these boards have cringeworthy stories of things we said and did drunk. But we have to live in the now because we can't press rewind on the past.

KateL

Definitely cringeworthy, like ALL of my neighbours pulling me out of the shrubbery after I had been stuck upside down in it for an hour. You can imagine the sight!

Renarde

Well, he does deserve an apology, which I imagine you gave him, right? So there's one apology out of the way! Taxi drivers transport drunk people all the time - you won't be the last he has to deal with. Hearing about a blackout is horrific - I had a blackout and I ended up in the hospital - this was 11 years ago and I still cringe. These are the things that remind us that we can't just have one. Take a deep breath, and take comfort in the fact that you don't have to let that happen ever again.

kadidee

Oh my goodness, Kate. I have to ask...how on earth did you wind up upside down in the shrubbery?

heath480

Unfortunately we have to accept our past,not everybody thinks we are marvellous just because we have stopped drinking.

It is a good reminder to me of why I choose to stay sober.Nothing funny about drunken behaviour.

KateL

I lost my footing down some steps and fell head first. Mind you I am uber clumsy and have done things like that when sober. I do have a wicked sense of humour and am allowed to laugh at my own misdemeanours. Laughter has kept me sane and sober for ten years, so for me it is healthy, and I don't mean that everyone else should laugh at their drunken behaviours. Some of mine were nothing to laugh about, but I do look upon that episode with great fondness. It was the rock bottom that got me well ten years ago. So if I want to see it as a happy memory or epiphany, if you will, then I shall, but that is just me. I wish people wouldn't talk down to me (not you, kadidee) xxxx