binge drinking problem
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: VA
Posts: 13
binge drinking problem
I don't really know where to start here so I guess I'll lay it out here. I'm 35 years old and have a binge drinking problem. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I feel sober one minute and the next I'm black out drunk. The more I drink, the more outgoing and sober I feel until I'm hammered and blacked out.
For several years I have been playing on a social sports team that drinks during games and goes to the bar after. Every Thursday gets worse than the last. For several months I have been blacking out and not remembering leaving the bar. However, I wake up on my couch, with my car at home. Meaning I drove. I spend the entire next day on the couch miserably hungover with anxiety and depression. I won't drink again until the following Thursday where it repeats itself.
I finally got sick of that life and I new it was a matter of time before something bad would happen such as a DUI or I hurt myself or someone else so I didn't go out or drink more than a beer a week for the past 5 weeks. I started dieting and working out, feeling really good.
So this past Thursday, I decide to go out and catch up with my teammates, the season ended in November, and long story short I got out of a DUI, but then got arrested for drunk in public. I was so drunk I only remember parts of what happened.
It's obvious I have a problem. I don't know what to do. I have a professional career and now have a police record. I know I have to quit drinking, and right now that's an easy thought, but how do I have a social life without drinking? I don't know how.
For several years I have been playing on a social sports team that drinks during games and goes to the bar after. Every Thursday gets worse than the last. For several months I have been blacking out and not remembering leaving the bar. However, I wake up on my couch, with my car at home. Meaning I drove. I spend the entire next day on the couch miserably hungover with anxiety and depression. I won't drink again until the following Thursday where it repeats itself.
I finally got sick of that life and I new it was a matter of time before something bad would happen such as a DUI or I hurt myself or someone else so I didn't go out or drink more than a beer a week for the past 5 weeks. I started dieting and working out, feeling really good.
So this past Thursday, I decide to go out and catch up with my teammates, the season ended in November, and long story short I got out of a DUI, but then got arrested for drunk in public. I was so drunk I only remember parts of what happened.
It's obvious I have a problem. I don't know what to do. I have a professional career and now have a police record. I know I have to quit drinking, and right now that's an easy thought, but how do I have a social life without drinking? I don't know how.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
Millions of people do it every day - social life without drinking. I had to change people, places, and things. You can get off that elevator or keep going to new lows. Met a lady last night who had been trying to stop her binge drinking for 5 years. Each time she would go right back out - ended up losing her kids, job, and marriage - but I think she is finally at a low.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
Hi Sporty-
I too was a binge drinker. I think that for those of us that binge it is a bit easier to remain in denial that it is as bad as it is. I am sorry to hear about your legal problems... I had those also. Anyway, as to a social life post-drinking.... you will figure it out. I think it is different for everyone. For me my binges took place at home so, I didn't have to worry about that aspect but, as time passes you are put in many situations and we learn as we go. Will you still go to a bar? See the same people you see now all the time? Who knows.
Anyway, best of luck,
Jess
I too was a binge drinker. I think that for those of us that binge it is a bit easier to remain in denial that it is as bad as it is. I am sorry to hear about your legal problems... I had those also. Anyway, as to a social life post-drinking.... you will figure it out. I think it is different for everyone. For me my binges took place at home so, I didn't have to worry about that aspect but, as time passes you are put in many situations and we learn as we go. Will you still go to a bar? See the same people you see now all the time? Who knows.
Anyway, best of luck,
Jess
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Sporty-
Glad you are here and that you have realized you have a problem.
Your story sounds a lot like mine, and I too was a binge drinker.....
It only gets worst, as this disease is progressive.
Get into a recovery program, talk to a counselor or your doctor.
Things get better, much better.
All the best.
TG
Glad you are here and that you have realized you have a problem.
Your story sounds a lot like mine, and I too was a binge drinker.....
It only gets worst, as this disease is progressive.
Get into a recovery program, talk to a counselor or your doctor.
Things get better, much better.
All the best.
TG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: VA
Posts: 13
Yeah, it's pretty obvious I can't just have one or two. I tried that earlier this year and it only lasted a few weeks and I was back to binging again. The thought of never having a beer again freaks me out. And that is the problem, too.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: VA
Posts: 13
Also my main problem is I everything I do, beer is involved. Invites to happy hour, sporting events, parties, even just going to dinner. It all involves having a beer with it. It's all giving me anxiety, which is already a problem for me.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I was a binge drinker too. It was a scary thought when I decided to quit, but I soon found other ways of entertaining myself, like going out for nice meals and to the cinema. If you still enjoy the company of your drinking buddies, you don't have to lose their friendship completely. Maybe explain that you can't drink any more and could be absent from functions for a bit. I was able to go to bars after a while and not be tempted (it can happen) There are all sorts of things you can do. You will miss it for a while but then you will realise how better off you are without it, I'm sure. I know I do and there was a time when I never thought I would be able to stop.
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Originally Posted by KateL 
. If you still enjoy the company of your drinking buddies, you don't have to lose their friendship completely. Maybe explain that you can't drink any more and could be absent from functions for a bit.
Thanks. I think my friends may be the problem, actually. They all drink as much as I do. Several of them have DUI's already, so they get me to drive. No one suggested a cab. Not that I'm blaming them at all. It's on me, but I think I need more supportive friends.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,628
Hi Sporty I was a binge drinker, couldn't just have one so took to drinking at home.
This year we went on holiday and it was the first time on holiday in my adult life I didn't drink alcohol and I didn't miss it.
So pleased you have decided to do something about it.
Welcome to SR
This year we went on holiday and it was the first time on holiday in my adult life I didn't drink alcohol and I didn't miss it.
So pleased you have decided to do something about it.
Welcome to SR
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
It sounds like you are doing a lot of reflecting and questioning and I think that is very positive. I used to be a binge drinker,too, but as the years went by the time between binges shurnk and shrunk until eventually I was binging every night, literally. Something to think about.
Also, like Kate said, eventually you WILL find a whole new world, whole new ways of entertaining yourself-different restaurants, movies, concerts, sports, events. It feels like a whole new world opens up. But it does take work to get to-and maintain--this way of life, but the rewards are so great, so worth it. I hope that you find a path that works for you
Also, like Kate said, eventually you WILL find a whole new world, whole new ways of entertaining yourself-different restaurants, movies, concerts, sports, events. It feels like a whole new world opens up. But it does take work to get to-and maintain--this way of life, but the rewards are so great, so worth it. I hope that you find a path that works for you
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
Hi Sporty-
I was a binge drinker too, and as others have said, you can not drink all week yet still have a massive problem with alcohol. For years I was convinced that I wasn't an alcoholic because I never really got cravings or drank all the time. I would just drink weekends, but man.... when I drank, it was always to get drunk and damn the consequences. I drove drunk, you name it. My father has been in recovery for 35 years and he said that it doesn't matter so much how often you drank but how you reacted to the alcohol. If you are an alcoholic, your just ARE, whether you drink once a week, five times a week, or once a year.
I understand what you mean about having to change the social life. My drinking never revolved around other people - I always got loaded at home by myself. However, this has been a major obstacle for my husband because his social life is centered around the bar where everyone he works with goes after their shift is over. As others have said, you need to change where you hang out. If bars are an issue, avoid them. Offer to meet friends for coffee instead. And if they can't cope without the alcohol, it may be time to meet new friends. Plenty of athletes are into clean living, and it shouldn't be too difficult to find some friends like that.
Good luck. The road isn't easy, but it is worth it.
I was a binge drinker too, and as others have said, you can not drink all week yet still have a massive problem with alcohol. For years I was convinced that I wasn't an alcoholic because I never really got cravings or drank all the time. I would just drink weekends, but man.... when I drank, it was always to get drunk and damn the consequences. I drove drunk, you name it. My father has been in recovery for 35 years and he said that it doesn't matter so much how often you drank but how you reacted to the alcohol. If you are an alcoholic, your just ARE, whether you drink once a week, five times a week, or once a year.
I understand what you mean about having to change the social life. My drinking never revolved around other people - I always got loaded at home by myself. However, this has been a major obstacle for my husband because his social life is centered around the bar where everyone he works with goes after their shift is over. As others have said, you need to change where you hang out. If bars are an issue, avoid them. Offer to meet friends for coffee instead. And if they can't cope without the alcohol, it may be time to meet new friends. Plenty of athletes are into clean living, and it shouldn't be too difficult to find some friends like that.
Good luck. The road isn't easy, but it is worth it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: VA
Posts: 13
It's sad, you'd think at 35 years old I wouldn't still feel like all the "cool kids" drink! And I know this isn't true, but beer is everywhere. I can log onto my facebook right now and see at least 20 different posts about alcohol, or pictures with alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,411
Hi Sportygirl;
I'm really sorry to hear about your arrest.
The blessing is that no one was hurt by you driving drunk last night and before now.
Lots of us also grew up drinking, have families who drink, and our friends / social life / culture is alcohol based. But we can't drink safely.
Other people have an off switch we don't seem to.
I was also a binge drinker who could not imagine life without alcohol.
Now I can't imagine going back to drinking. I'm still working on it and
I did have a lapse before my two years sober, but I just stopped again
and got back into sobriety. I felt so much better physically and emotionally.
It takes time, and you are quite right
that your friends and social activities may have to be moderated, at least in the beginning.
I didn't stay around people who were drinking for 6 months or so, and
now it doesn't bother me at all to be out while they drink and I don't.
It is possible, and not only that, you can learn to have fun without alcohol.
Amazing, I know. . . I felt just like you did. No way.
But what if you don't stop?
What's the next step then?
Do you think you will get better or worse honestly?
That is the reality of the choice, but you can do it if you choose to
and we can help support you. We've been there too and know how hard it is.
I'm really sorry to hear about your arrest.
The blessing is that no one was hurt by you driving drunk last night and before now.
Lots of us also grew up drinking, have families who drink, and our friends / social life / culture is alcohol based. But we can't drink safely.
Other people have an off switch we don't seem to.
I was also a binge drinker who could not imagine life without alcohol.
Now I can't imagine going back to drinking. I'm still working on it and
I did have a lapse before my two years sober, but I just stopped again
and got back into sobriety. I felt so much better physically and emotionally.
It takes time, and you are quite right
that your friends and social activities may have to be moderated, at least in the beginning.
I didn't stay around people who were drinking for 6 months or so, and
now it doesn't bother me at all to be out while they drink and I don't.
It is possible, and not only that, you can learn to have fun without alcohol.
Amazing, I know. . . I felt just like you did. No way.
But what if you don't stop?
What's the next step then?
Do you think you will get better or worse honestly?
That is the reality of the choice, but you can do it if you choose to
and we can help support you. We've been there too and know how hard it is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: VA
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Hi Sportygirl;
But what if you don't stop? What's the next step then? Do you think you will get
better or worse honestly?
But what if you don't stop? What's the next step then? Do you think you will get
better or worse honestly?
Oh yes, it's definitely getting worse. It has been for about a year or more. And Thursday's event were the last straw. I have a father and brother who are alcoholics and my brother has been arrested and jailed over alcohol more times than I can count. I've been struggling for awhile. No more. I have too much to lose.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,411
On one upbeat note Sporty, when I first quit I joined CrossFit and put my former drinking energy and time there.
I ended up getting in the most buff shape of my life--I could knock out 100 full push-ups (not the on-your-knees girl pushups but the real deal) like a machine gun. I could do pull ups and deadlift 200 plus pounds.
All of this while getting back to my high school weight and a junior size 7 Levis.
I was 47 at the time, and I truly couldn't believe that I still had that athletic potential,
as long as I had been drinking and doing crap to take care of myself.
I also found other clean-living people to hang around and talk with.
It was an eye-opener how much energy drinking all those years took.
Hang in there. You can do this.
I ended up getting in the most buff shape of my life--I could knock out 100 full push-ups (not the on-your-knees girl pushups but the real deal) like a machine gun. I could do pull ups and deadlift 200 plus pounds.
All of this while getting back to my high school weight and a junior size 7 Levis.
I was 47 at the time, and I truly couldn't believe that I still had that athletic potential,
as long as I had been drinking and doing crap to take care of myself.
I also found other clean-living people to hang around and talk with.
It was an eye-opener how much energy drinking all those years took.
Hang in there. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 318
Originally Posted by Sportygirl78
Thanks. I think my friends may be the problem, actually. They all drink as much as I do. Several of them have DUI's already, so they get me to drive. No one suggested a cab. Not that I'm blaming them at all. It's on me, but I think I need more supportive friends.
After reading this particular post, I would be careful about blaming your friends... I know you say it's all on you, and you also say that you think your friends are the problem. There is a reason why you are choosing to hang out with them. If they have DUIs and are still partying, why would they offer to get a cab? Also, I'm guilty of this one-- if I'm drinking and impaired, I don't necessarily know where the "driver" is on the drinking spectrum. If my friend says they can drive and I'm drunk, more times than not I'll get in the car (not necessarily good, I know. Both parties should be responsible when drinking).
At any rate, congrats on reaching out for help. I just relieved my first dui a couple months ago and too have a professional career- I'm working through it and keep telling myself that this is MY story and will only help me be a better version of myself in the future.
Welcome again to SR! You'll get lots of support, just stick around
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Sportygirl78
I don't really know where to start here so I guess I'll lay it out here. I'm 35 years old and have a binge drinking problem. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I feel sober one minute and the next I'm black out drunk. The more I drink, the more outgoing and sober I feel until I'm hammered and blacked out.
For several years I have been playing on a social sports team that drinks during games and goes to the bar after. Every Thursday gets worse than the last. For several months I have been blacking out and not remembering leaving the bar. However, I wake up on my couch, with my car at home. Meaning I drove. I spend the entire next day on the couch miserably hungover with anxiety and depression. I won't drink again until the following Thursday where it repeats itself.
I finally got sick of that life and I new it was a matter of time before something bad would happen such as a DUI or I hurt myself or someone else so I didn't go out or drink more than a beer a week for the past 5 weeks. I started dieting and working out, feeling really good.
So this past Thursday, I decide to go out and catch up with my teammates, the season ended in November, and long story short I got out of a DUI, but then got arrested for drunk in public. I was so drunk I only remember parts of what happened.
It's obvious I have a problem. I don't know what to do. I have a professional career and now have a police record. I know I have to quit drinking, and right now that's an easy thought, but how do I have a social life without drinking? I don't know how.
For several years I have been playing on a social sports team that drinks during games and goes to the bar after. Every Thursday gets worse than the last. For several months I have been blacking out and not remembering leaving the bar. However, I wake up on my couch, with my car at home. Meaning I drove. I spend the entire next day on the couch miserably hungover with anxiety and depression. I won't drink again until the following Thursday where it repeats itself.
I finally got sick of that life and I new it was a matter of time before something bad would happen such as a DUI or I hurt myself or someone else so I didn't go out or drink more than a beer a week for the past 5 weeks. I started dieting and working out, feeling really good.
So this past Thursday, I decide to go out and catch up with my teammates, the season ended in November, and long story short I got out of a DUI, but then got arrested for drunk in public. I was so drunk I only remember parts of what happened.
It's obvious I have a problem. I don't know what to do. I have a professional career and now have a police record. I know I have to quit drinking, and right now that's an easy thought, but how do I have a social life without drinking? I don't know how.
These are all questions we each ask when wanting to make a life change. The big worry is having a social life. I wont lie, it changes a lot when you get sober, but that can be a good thing. I used to hang out downtown at night clubs 3-4 nights a week, acting a fool and getting wasted. When I got sober, I lost all the "friends" I made down there and spent a ton of time alone. That alone time, I used to reflect on myself and get to know myself all over again. I wont lie, you may lose some people you call friends right now, but you have the chance to get to know you again and start living in a way that doesnt cause so much distress, anxiety, and drama. Change is always scary, and the scariest changes are usually the most worth it. Its up to you.
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Originally Posted by Sportygirl78
...I got out of a DUI, but then got arrested for drunk in public. I was so drunk I only remember parts of what happened.
...how do I have a social life without drinking? I don't know how.
...how do I have a social life without drinking? I don't know how.
There is life after drinking if you embrace it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: VA
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by chaili05
Hi sporty!
After reading this particular post, I would be careful about blaming your friends... I know you say it's all on you, and you also say that you think your friends are the problem. There is a reason why you are choosing to hang out with them. If they have DUIs and are still partying, why would they offer to get a cab? Also, I'm guilty of this one-- if I'm drinking and impaired, I don't necessarily know where the "driver" is on the drinking spectrum. If my friend says they can drive and I'm drunk, more times than not I'll get in the car (not necessarily good, I know. Both parties should be responsible when drinking).
After reading this particular post, I would be careful about blaming your friends... I know you say it's all on you, and you also say that you think your friends are the problem. There is a reason why you are choosing to hang out with them. If they have DUIs and are still partying, why would they offer to get a cab? Also, I'm guilty of this one-- if I'm drinking and impaired, I don't necessarily know where the "driver" is on the drinking spectrum. If my friend says they can drive and I'm drunk, more times than not I'll get in the car (not necessarily good, I know. Both parties should be responsible when drinking).
The even scarier thing is I blacked out and left both of them at the bar. I chose to drive without any memory of it. They called me to tell me I left them, so I left my house and went back to get them. That's when I got pulled.
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