Acheleus

Tonight at a meeting I felt alone even when I talked to people. After at the coffeshop reading I felt alone. Now at home I am alone. Something is seriously wrong with me that I do not have one close friend. I cannot relate to anyone at meetings outside of the drinking thing. All I want is some kind of life. 28 days sober and wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I cried in my car, thought of ending my life, tried to remember good things I had/have. Sigh.


It just feels like I am stuck. Medication makes me feel worse. It is like nothing good will ever happen to me. All I know to do is stay sober one day at a time. I really hate my life, sometimes I want to drive away and never come back to all my mistakes and horrible decisions. Maybe being alone at Christmas makes me violently aware of how empty my life is today. It feels like I am already dead.

Petewill

hello. I can relate to you. I am in around 5 and half months. I don't really know what to say to help.I really don't think you want to end your life, you never know what great things are going to come your way, especially being sober.. I know for me - I have my music, just started a band again.. that helps alot, maybe find a hobby to fill the void. at 28 days I was feeling alot of pain. I later did realize and still do, that there are some people i relate to outside of the drinking thing, at the meetings. maybe try some other meetings if you can't relate to those particular people.. .I hope you feel better.

shay17

Dear Acheleus,

Thank you for sharing your feelings tonight.

Loneliness is such a deep & profound emotion and I believe we all feel the way you're describing at one time or another. Even when we have friends, partners, etc..we can still be around people that make us feel lonely.

It's great that you're going to meetings and I truly
Hope you find some comfort and camaraderie in the rooms as well as here on SR

I can relate to your feelings and I hope it get much better for you. Perhaps try to think as positive as possible and manifest the things you desire in your life.

You deserve it. Please don't forget that!

Sweet dreams,

Shay

PinotNOmore

You are far from alone. I was just about to post about how lonely I felt when I saw your post. My "best friend" and I talk monthly and it's via text. .. Not much there. I have no one to talk to about this struggle. Maybe we can talk!

P.s. looks like we joined The same month and year... Can you believe its been almost a year already!

Acheleus

Cool about the music. I play and I have rediscovered a little of the joy I used to find in it. I know this is mainly my alcoholism trying to get me to drink like all the times I relapsed in the past, but I do not want to drink. I really do not know what I want. Every painful emotion is thawing out, I drank so often in the past to kill my emotions. Because of bad relationships I trust no one, so that is a big part of why I am alone. Earlier I kept telling myself I cannot take any more. Not really sure why I feel overwhelmed and empty. Facing reality is not easy, it is easy to destroy myself with alcohol. I just feel I have nothing to grab a hold of, like my hands are slipping on whatever rope I had left. A low, quiet voice inside keeps repeating that my life is over, that I tried so hard to make something of myself but I failed because I never believed in myself. It feels like I am in quicksand.

Acheleus

Sorry Pinot. I am up and on SR if you want to talk

ChefWolverine

Having a pet can help dissuade that feeling of loneliness. My little furball has helped me immensely in my sobriety.

PinotNOmore

Agreed! My two cats have gotten me through more struggles than I'd like to admit... They are literally lifesavers at times! Love my dog as well, but she still acts like a toddler at 3 1/2 so it's a bit exhausting!

Acheleus

I used to have a pet but my ex kept it. No creatures (except people) where I live.

ImperfectlyMe

Acheleus. I'm going to agree you are alone, but I don't agree that that's your potential. You sound as if you've created your castle with a mile wide moat and dragon to keep you locked up in solitude. Some people thrive on negativity their glasses only see the not haves rather then the haves. You've got to kick your self in the ass( not literally) and wake up and start seeing what you have and not what your lacking.

There's a line in a song that I think is apropos: " funny the way it is, if you think about it, one kid walks 10 miles to school, while another's dropping out"

You've got to change your thinking because it only gets worse. You just might wake up years from now and look back on your current situation and think, man I had it all back then, wish I could do it over!

KateL

Sorry to hear you are so sad and alone. I was once, but just started over and made a new life. I had to drop a lot of friends but made new ones when I took classes in various things. My education took a nosedive because of my drinking etc, so I tried to re educate myself. I have also caught up with some old school friends from happier times though social media. It can be tough and scary but it's doable. Good luck xxx

aasharon90

You are not alone in how you are feeling.
Even tho im a few many one days at a time
sober down the road, I very well remember
how lonely I felt emotionally inside after I
got sober.

And I had a family. 2 kids involved in school
activities, a mom, a wife....You'd think I would
be ever so grateful for all those wonderful
blessing I had in life. Yet, how miserable I
felt inside.

I escaped to AA meetings every chance I
got just to be around others just like me.
People that understood me without question
because I surely didn't get that from my
little family.

I hung on for dear life, going thru the motions
a many times and kept the faith. The more I
heard from those that stayed sober for long
lengths of time, I had to believe that I could
stay sober too, just following in their footsteps.

There were glimpses of happy, joyous times,
but there always seemed something was missing
and yet I just couldn't figure it out.

Never tho did I give up on staying sober because
I always knew that drinking would never make
what ever I was going thru any better. Only worse.

I also believed thru my faith that all that I
needed in life would be taken care of in the
Man upstairs time and not mine. I had to
remain vigilant in my recovery and leave
the rest to Him.

I had to believe He heard my cries for help
and guidance and not to worry. Sure enough
the time did come and it was 6 yrs ago. He
guided me back to my hometown where I've
always wanted to be and blessed me with a
new husband to share my life with and the rest
is just the way it should be.

Never will I take any thing for granted as I
try to remind myself that often and stay anchored
tight in my recovery.

I found a little prayer written on a piece
of paper in a pew in church when I was
in High School back in the 70's and it read,
Whatever you ask for in a prayer, believe
you will receive it and it shall be yours
says the Lord. Amen. Well, I kept that little
prayer and never forgot it and have often
said it thru tough times.

Yes, that prayer along with many other
recovery prayers ive said have been
answered and for that Im am never
ever alone. EVER. And all I can say
is .....it is soooooo comforting.

Never Ever Am I Alone.

mecanix

Hey Ach ,
For me it was my desire for things to be other than how i perceived them that caused me a lot of pain and misery .

Turns out my perceptions of the world were erroneous and acceptance of things was more useful than wishing it otherwise .

Acceptance doesn't mean that i don't try and work at stuff , it just means i don't expect any kind of payoff .

You might say what's the point then ? why not just despair . I'd counter to say if it is all pointless then that doesn't make something not worthwhile doing . There is still laughs to share , music to listen to , new things to see and do , corners to look round , vistas to admire , flowers to smell , dishes to wash clean , hands to hold , food to serve , bread to break and share ,

You don't know the future , learn to be brave , don't give up . Live can be so beautiful it can take your breath away . Listen to a baby laugh and tell me it isn't a pleasure for you .. you were that baby once , you can be again , carefree and laughing .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FvTVWjLiHM

Bestwishes, m

MythOfSisyphus

I wish I knew what to say or how to help. On some level it's absurd, life is absurd. But I cling to one pretty firm belief, and that's that life is maybe 10% defined by what happens to you and 90% defined by how you react to that first 10%. We can't always control the cards we're dealt but we can play the hand we're dealt well.

Your life is largely what you think it is. If you self identify as lonely you'll be lonely. I say this because I genuinely care, and I hate the idea of anyone suffering. I can appreciate that you don't want meds because they alienate you even more, but sometimes for short periods they can be helpful. Right now you have an immense amount on your plate. The first few months of sobriety are pure chaos for anyone, even those without any underlying depression or anxiety. Maybe some kind of antidepressant would help in the short term?

sugarbear1

Have you worked any of those steps yet? 4-7 are life changing....then there's 8 and 9....

JaylaaKent

Ups/Downs are normal - I'm newly sober as well. I can tell you that my GOOD days have started outnumbering my BAD days. So when I'm in either day I remind myself that there is an opposite. We think we quit drinking and BAM - life is so much better. But we forget why we drank in the first place. There has always been a loneliness/depression - a spiritual malady they call it. It will get better, but I know it's hard to know when your in a BAD day.

CactusJill

Being newly sober is tough at times. Not only do you have to rethink who you hang out with, but you have to sit in your emotions and actually FEEL them rather than self-medicating. The thing to remember is that alcohol is the worst companion you can choose. Although it might temporarily make you feel better, there is no problem that cannot be made worse by drinking.

I am with you. I do not have any close friends outside of my husband and my mother. I like people but I am very difficult to get to know. I think most people feel alone at times though and adults tend to have fewer close friends. My husband is one of the most gregarious people I have ever met but he too feels like I am his only "real" friend.

The best place to make friends is AA. I too struggle with that though because for me, true friendships form very slowly. But at least there people understand us and we don't have to hide our struggle.

Give it time. As Kate said, seek out people with similar interests. Friendships will come. The important thing now is to work on being comfortable in your own skin. You need to learn to be your own friend before someone else can be your friend.

anyistoomuch

Oh Ache -I know that loneliness too well. It's an empty feeling at your core, and I think that many alcoholics experience this. I struggled with that feeling before I was old enough to drink, but the difference then was that I was young enough to think that it would get "fixed" if I just did this or that...met the right person, blah blah blah.

Keep in mind that many of us have avoided close relationships for most of our lives, for reasons deep within us that we may not even be aware of, and filled the void with alcohol. I could feel alone in a crowded room of people who I know and love and love me, so I would drink. I always say that alcohol was my boyfriend, my husband, my confidant, my buddy. Take the alcohol away and there's that loneliness again. Because there's me.

I've found that expressing this loneliness can have a cathartic effect - singing, drawing, writing - because you start to give a shape to it and it becomes something outside of ourselves we can see and contemplate. I have also found that laughing lifts it for a while, and I make a point to watch the stupidest, goofiest, funniest movies/tv shows I can when I go through this.

I have also realized that I have to keep busy when this feeling comes on - because it is chronic for me. I have joined a hiking club, I donated time to local organizations in my neighborhood, I knit like a fiend lately, and I make a point to talk to my friends every day - even if it is just over text.

The point is - you are not alone, you know. The planet is full of people. You will feel better.

digdug

It's OKAY to feel like this.

But you know in your heart you are not alone. You have people in AA who would be there for you when you reach out. And you have us.

The holidays are tough, man. But think back to about 15 days ago when you were going out after meetings to dinner and the movies. You were making connections with people. You were working with your sponsor. You were, dare I say, happy. That was only two weeks ago. You can have that back if you want. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I am here for you, Ach. I usually post in your threads because I relate so much to where you are and where I was. I felt exactly like you did. My first 30 days were in rehab and I did a lot of crying. It's okay. I'm glad you're reaching out here. Just keep posting, but know that a bit of action on your part is required to get back to where you were just a couple of weeks ago.

Feel free to PM me anytime. If a screwup like me could make it in AA, then you can too. But for now, just keep hanging on. The holidays will be over soon and it will be a new year for all of us.

Acheleus

I felt bad last night because I wanted to hang out with a girl from AA but she said she already had plans. I'm sure people with a lot of time don't like to "hang out" with people who don't have even a month. Maybe I need to quit looking for fulfillment in other things and focus on myself. I have a weakness for women.

Today I am just relaxing after I read some. I am going to clean some later and try not to worry. Maybe I will stick with my medication and try to see if it really works.