cc64

and I was feeling pretty good until I got to work. Long story short, because of MY insecurities and obsessive thinking, I lost my temper, which sent me in to "fight or flight", and I drank......I didn't get drunk, but I slammed down two beers as fast as I could to "calm down".....all my rational thinking disappeared. My anxiety is off the chart. I really really really hate this disease

GracieLou

I know that feeling. For the most part, my journey so far has been stress free but there has been times at the start that when I felt stress, that was the first thing I wanted to do. I wanted to escape that feeling. I wanted to what I always have done. My mind said "I need a drink".

Get back on the horse. I learned that stress and anger was a trigger and it seems you have learned that too. The trick is learning what to do when it happens next time because I can pretty much guarantee, there will be a next time.

I am not sure what type of recovery you are doing but whatever it is, grab it when you feel that way.

I go to AA and now when this happens I call my sponsor or another friend in AA and talk it out. Talking about it defuses the situation. I can get it out in the open, discuss it and then let it go.

There is much to learn. I am glad today I am teachable. There is no way I could do this alone.

Tabbj

I have been there and done that with a what I would call a stressful day !!! now when I fell like that I talk to someone who can help get my mind back straight. glad you are back it is one day at a time ..

It is nit how we weather the " STORM "
It is how we " DANCE " in the rain

newme2day

Its so hard when those triggers happen. I am still new to this but i suggest that you think now of something you could do in place of drinking when those triggers occur. For instance, i turn on the radio and if no one is around (lol) i dance. Really stressed . . .i clean!! How about baking or going for a walk? Walks provide me with such clarity no matter what time of year. Pick something and make a conscious effort to replace it with drinking. . .make it a habit. Good luck to you!

KateL

So glad you thought better of it. You are stronger than I would have been in that situation x

Leana

I am not suggesting this is what happen to you but I wanted to add. In early sobriety, I found myself blowing small stressful situations into big blowouts that often allowed me to justify drinking. I didn't even realize I was doing it until a co-worker asked me "why I was all of the sudden "making mountain out of a molehill" about everything. I had to be extra careful not to use stress as an excuse to drink.

KateL

Yes, I was accused of that, but handle it much better nowadays, thank goodness (with a little help from a therapist)

KateL

Stopping at two beers, I mean.

Lifeisforliving

Congrats on posting and thanks for being here! I understand the courage it took as I'm in the same boat. Had some wine Thurs night but got my butt right back here yesterday and poured the remaining out. I call that progress.

We are here, we want sobriety and we are willing to figure this out. That's not blowing it. We came back. And in short time I might add! Let me repeat: WE DIDNT BLOW IT.

We'll figure this beast out but it's going to take a lot of work, patience and grace. I can do this! So can you!

EndGameNYC

When I first got sober many years ago, I was working as a bartender. When I spoke about my work with my sponsor, he told me that it's important for me to continue working (it was, and for many reasons), and that if it became a problem I should just call him...from work, home, anywhere I was.

I stayed at that job for my first seven years of sobriety, and both my flexible schedule and the money I earned allowed me to go to grad school for my PhD. I had some difficult nights at work, but it was more about my attitude and thinking than it was about cravings, having rarely experienced cravings during my twenty five years without a drink.

Not everyone can function well in that kind of environment during early sobriety. I understand your situation with you and your husband moving, and what the job means for you right now financially. I also understand that, based on the evidence you reported, your last binge ended in a blackout during which you may or may not have attempted to kill yourself. If drinking at work or due to the stress of the kind of work you do becomes a pattern, then it's time to make some difficult decisions.

Notmyrealname

When I was drinking, I drank because I drank. Now that I don't drink, I don't drink.

That statement was and is true on my best and worst days.

doggonecarl

^This

"Fight or flight" doesn't have to mean drink. Sobriety requires that you learn to deal with the events that in the past prompted us to drink. Your job is going to be your recovery downfall if you don't.

cc64

Thank you all for all the support and great advice. I don't like myself very much right now. I wish I could trade my brain for a normal brain....

suntastic

Don't feel too bad about yourself... last week I blew it after day 6, the important thing is to pick yourself back up, brush it off, and try again.... I might have failed last week after day 6, but this week here I am at day 8.... already making headway . Keep trying!

Hevyn

You learned something cc - that's what matters. We grow stronger every time we're challenged. The 5 days weren't lost.

Johnston

You're sharing on the boards, and that's good.

neferkamichael

cc64, you being here is FANTASTIC, rootin for ya.