cc64

Not my first rodeo in recovery. As I read Step 1, I realize for the first time that I have no control over my drinking, especially now. I am now a black out drunk. I had only blacked out a few times in my life, but as of late, blacking out happens every time. I am now scared to death. I know I am powerless, but admitting is something else. does that make sense?

KateL

It does. It is a rotten thing to have to admit. But many do face up to it eventually. I personally, got my willpower back as I climbed back up, but that is just me and I know some don't and stick to steps which is great. However, I did adhere to step one for a good while and it definitely helped me out of the pit.

Gal220

Step one is definitely humbling, but it's just the start! Steps 2-12 gave me my life back and restored my power. It's worth it when you get through it. The best advice I ever got about Step 1 was not to wallow in it. Admitting that my life isn't what it should be and that alcohol is making it worse isn't the end of the world. On to the solution! If someone as hopeless as me could do it, I'll bet you can too. Good luck!

sugarbear1

admit it to your inner most self. stay stopped one day at a time from here.

then work with a sponsor for those other steps. step 2 "came to life" for me after step 7, but I had a willingness to believe in something more powerful than I.....

UncleMeat69

We win through losing.

Step 1 = I lose.

Steps 2 thru 12 = I win

Boleo

Step 1 = I can't

Step 2 = He can

Step 3 = I will let him

Rose2

I immediately realised AND accepted at rock bottom on 15 October 2013 that I am powerless over alcohol. No question! What I didn't realise is how much MORE in this life and in this world I am powerless over. For now, I stay in step one as I sit with that. This is very hard for me to accept.

Joe Nerv

I wrestled with the first step, but for different reasons. I knew alcohol had gotten the best of me, but I didn't care. It was my only solution before I put the drink down, and I felt I might still really need it, so I kept it on the shelf in the back of my mind. I told myself if it got bad enough I would drink again. I'm not recommending anyone do that, it's just what I had to do. Took the sobriety thing one day, sometimes one minute at a time. And then I jumped whole heartedly into the rest of the steps.

I always say that the 3rd step was my first step, because, well... it was. I didn't believe in the god I learned about in my childhood, but I had no problem inviting a new one in. I believed there was some sort of power in the universe that was way more powerful than me, and had no issues with praying to it. I'm certain that it was those prayers that got me through my first year without picking up a drink. I trusted, blindly at first, that if I prayed, turned my life and will over the care of god, that I would be gently directed, and I was. I believed the right people would be put in my path, and they were. I believed I would be given the strength to do things I needed alcohol in the past to do, and I was. I believed I would heal mentally and emotionally (had a lot of issues with panic, anxiety and depression), and it took a long time, but I did. Became healthy physically, too.

I hear often at meetings that the first step is an absolute. It's the only one we HAVE to get right. While I understand the meaning behind that, I don't agree in accordance to some people's definition. What I believe is we need to NOT pick up a drink, regardless of what happens, or what we feel. Whatever that is, it WILL pass. Make a call, get to a meeting, read from the bigbook, post here, eat an ice cream sunday, run around the block 3 times, do summersaults in the neighbor's garden... whatever it takes to NOT pick up a drink. Getting caught up in the definitions of step one however I feel can at times be dangerous. Am I truly powerless, do I need to test it, what exactly is powerlessness, I have power, bla, bla, bla... that's fine, but it doesn't mean you can't proceed. Alcohol kicked our asses, over and over and over again. I lost, it won. It had more power than me. Therefore I was powerless over it. That to me is the first step in the simplest form. Took me over a year to come to that concludion... but yeah, I think the point of my post is the very long version of what Gal220 posted very simply and eloquently. "The best advice I ever got about Step 1 was not to wallow in it." Get on with the rest of the show, and just don't pick up that first drink. No matter what.

Rose2

Correctomondo. I have been advised that I am intellectualising things. I don't know how to stop, but I am getting help. I am also a perfectionist. I want to get it right. If I don't get the steps right, how will I get the psychic change that is promised? I might be the ONE that doesn't GET IT!

UncleMeat69

For perfectionists like me Bill Wilson created Step 10:

"Continued to take personal inventory" (Part 1 of the 5 parts of Step 10)

Consider yourself on triage until you complete all the work steps (3 thru9)
which will bring about a psychic change. 10, 11 & 12 will enable you to
keep your psychic change (recovery) for the rest of your life.

Rose2

I am holding onto that with all my might!

sugarbear1

Be as fearless as possible and thorough (which means anything bothering you today, not digging around and looking for things to be bothered about....)

There is time to do another round of steps (I worked them on days 14 & 15, 4th month, 8th month and 18th month of sobriety)

Rose2

Thanks. I don't know which I'm doing. I am powerless over alcohol. Accepted. No argument or negotiation. But I sure miss the oblivion. I need to understand what "life on life's terms" means, because this seems a mountain too high to climb.

UncleMeat69

In life, understanding is the booby prize. You have to do the steps in
order to understand the steps.

Rose2

Great! I feel a lot better!

Music

To me, admitting powerlessness over alcohol isn't stupid, or embarrassing. It might be humiliating to some extent, but so is looking down the barrel of a 9 mil. pointed at my head and surrendering. For me, admitting I'm an alcoholic and that I can't handle drinking meant freedom. It meant I had a place to start from because as long as I fought it, I kept repeating the same things that created my captivity to alcohol. I was a slave to alcohol. Every time I drank I could never guarantee my actions. Powerless!! I'm not powerless any more. I don't drink!

Rose2

Well said!

tomsteve

the 10th step in plain English:
accept I am human and will make mistakes. fix it promptly.
you will get the psychic change by working the steps.

stopping wasn't a problem for me. it was staying stopped. the program helped me stay stopped.

Kensho

“Lack of power, that was our dilemma.” Big Book, p. 45 (4th edition).

I’m grappling with the 1st step, too. Someone in a meeting yesterday said that power gets returned to you—but it’s not what we thought our power was. I think of the ego-self as actually constricting the flow of power from the Source, while under the delusion that “I” am powerful. So, step 1 and step 2 seem, for me, to be interrelated.

One problem for me was that my “self” was never really very powerful, got bashed a lot, and so being powerless became part of my personal soap opera—and a lot of shame that I wasn’t more powerful.

For me, I think that admitting that I am powerless over alcohol (for which there seems to be sufficient empirical evidence that it’s the truth) means that I am giving myself the chance to open to the real power, and let it flow. That’s why I have the wave/ocean quote: it’s a metaphor that’s helping me with that 1st step.

Thanks.

Rose2

I'm powerless over alcohol. got it. but i have personal power for instance where i see a situation and i have the power to make a difference, do something positive, make a contribution to society. I call it personal power because i don't need permission to make a contribution to this world or to help someone. I am however POWERLESS over the outcome. I am trying to define these concepts so that i CAN live life on "life's terms". I have poor or no life and coping skills. i'm learning to live again. so i need to learn little things like a child/ teenager would. Another example, I am terrified that i could lose a family member to death. I am totally powerless over that, no matter how much i kick and scream. i do have the power to comfort my family and be a source of strength for them. I am powerless over whether they want this from me. I am powerless over whether they actually WANT to be with me. I have power to choose in which activities i will participate in, in my own healing of my grief. I am totally powerless over how long it takes my broken to heal. Does it make sense what i am trying to do? In having no life or coping skills, I am trying to rebuild my life, while working step one. i am not trying to intellectualise. i am trying to learn to live, as an adult, as it should have been.