I am getting better and he is sicker
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
I am getting better and he is sicker
I am exhausted tonight. But the only good thing is I am becoming exhausted faster from his baloney and don't get wound up all night fighting with him. I have been behaving healthier lately so maybe this is an indicator of my recovery.. Even though I feel frustrated still from the insanity. Tonight was crazy!! .... and for the first time just shut my phone off from exhaustion not anger. 
I am starting to see him more unable to do simple things that never used to be a problem. He is now acting crazy 90% of the time vs. 50% regardless of my changed behavior. Someone please tell me I am sane. I briefly questioned that tonight. This is what happened:
(He has been dying to spend any time with me as I have not seen him due to his behavior, so he did appreciate this invite, and had wanted to meet the night before as well).
Me: do u have plans tonight?
Abf: no plans, just working but I will be finished around 8ish.
Me: ok do u want to get something to eat? We could meet around 930?
Abf: ok. I'll keep u posted.
Me: ok text me around 9. I'm just shopping.
8pm.....
Abf: hey we are gonna have band practice. We just finished working. How are u?
Me: headed home
8:40...
Abf: ok we are gonna jam for a little bit...
Me: so what time were you thinking?
Abf: oh I dunno. We're gonna be here for awhile
. You can come watch if want...
Me: Uhm, ok........
Abf: we are practicing for a gig. No joke!!
Me: no worries. Can u call me for a second?
Abf: yeah but I am actually playing right now.
He calls me immediately. I told him that I re read our texts and I didn't Mis understand anything. I don't mind if he wants to jam out and meet later instead but it would be nice for him to give me a time so I can plan my night. Stuff comes up. I understand and am flexible if he can be considerate and tell me at 8 that we won't be meeting until 10 or so. I could at least shopped another 30 minutes, or stayed at my friend's and snacked.
He told me I am bitching. He was looking at the text we did not have set time for dinner plans. Every night it is something new and I can go complain to some other guy about this. He also told me they really needed him tonight last minute and I was complaining before 930 anyways! And now that I have been bitching for an hour he spent it on the phone with me instead of practicing.. And he told them he has to leave at 930 anyway to meet me. So now his practice is ruined
we talked for a quick exhausting 15 minutes.
He was needless to say abusive and rude.
I lost it and told him I'm tired of this alcoholic behavior. He hung up on me. I said out loud to myself in my kitchen: "sane people do not act this way. This is insanity,," He then texts me: I'm sorry. I'm an a$$hole.
I was furious bc he could not call me back and apologize for hanging up, or even for a "miscommunication." Anything!--Drinking was the underlying issue here I believe and he also is brain damaged and unable to handle keeping plans?...Or I am brain damaged to think we had some in the first place?
I engaged him tonight more than I should have and I felt like a failure somewhat for letting him exhaust me. I was done and had to shut off the phone,shower, meditate, call my therapist.
I have a ton of texts now as I tried to order food delivery .. Ranging from: "I love you I'm sorry we can't see eye to eye."--to----- "you shut off your phone, that is so lame, I hope the next one enjoys that more." THREATS.
. This is the insanity I used to get sucked into by fighting for hours on the phone, him getting drinker, blaming me, hating myself, losing myself. No more.
I didn't order food. My phone is still off. And my birthday is Saturday. I think I'm going away for the weekend. I'm tired and I can't deal with his roller coaster like I used to. And I just wanted to get this out tonight even if it is too long bc I have to tell someone. My main thoughts are just that 1. I KNOW sane people do not act like this, 2. I am recovering and I will stay calm 3. He is sicker and the threats are his "crazy-making."
I am starting to see him more unable to do simple things that never used to be a problem. He is now acting crazy 90% of the time vs. 50% regardless of my changed behavior. Someone please tell me I am sane. I briefly questioned that tonight. This is what happened:
(He has been dying to spend any time with me as I have not seen him due to his behavior, so he did appreciate this invite, and had wanted to meet the night before as well).
Me: do u have plans tonight?
Abf: no plans, just working but I will be finished around 8ish.
Me: ok do u want to get something to eat? We could meet around 930?
Abf: ok. I'll keep u posted.
Me: ok text me around 9. I'm just shopping.
8pm.....
Abf: hey we are gonna have band practice. We just finished working. How are u?
Me: headed home
8:40...
Abf: ok we are gonna jam for a little bit...
Me: so what time were you thinking?
Abf: oh I dunno. We're gonna be here for awhile
. You can come watch if want...
Me: Uhm, ok........
Abf: we are practicing for a gig. No joke!!
Me: no worries. Can u call me for a second?
Abf: yeah but I am actually playing right now.
He calls me immediately. I told him that I re read our texts and I didn't Mis understand anything. I don't mind if he wants to jam out and meet later instead but it would be nice for him to give me a time so I can plan my night. Stuff comes up. I understand and am flexible if he can be considerate and tell me at 8 that we won't be meeting until 10 or so. I could at least shopped another 30 minutes, or stayed at my friend's and snacked.
He told me I am bitching. He was looking at the text we did not have set time for dinner plans. Every night it is something new and I can go complain to some other guy about this. He also told me they really needed him tonight last minute and I was complaining before 930 anyways! And now that I have been bitching for an hour he spent it on the phone with me instead of practicing.. And he told them he has to leave at 930 anyway to meet me. So now his practice is ruined
we talked for a quick exhausting 15 minutes.He was needless to say abusive and rude.
I lost it and told him I'm tired of this alcoholic behavior. He hung up on me. I said out loud to myself in my kitchen: "sane people do not act this way. This is insanity,," He then texts me: I'm sorry. I'm an a$$hole.
I was furious bc he could not call me back and apologize for hanging up, or even for a "miscommunication." Anything!--Drinking was the underlying issue here I believe and he also is brain damaged and unable to handle keeping plans?...Or I am brain damaged to think we had some in the first place?
I engaged him tonight more than I should have and I felt like a failure somewhat for letting him exhaust me. I was done and had to shut off the phone,shower, meditate, call my therapist. I have a ton of texts now as I tried to order food delivery .. Ranging from: "I love you I'm sorry we can't see eye to eye."--to----- "you shut off your phone, that is so lame, I hope the next one enjoys that more." THREATS.
. This is the insanity I used to get sucked into by fighting for hours on the phone, him getting drinker, blaming me, hating myself, losing myself. No more. I didn't order food. My phone is still off. And my birthday is Saturday. I think I'm going away for the weekend. I'm tired and I can't deal with his roller coaster like I used to. And I just wanted to get this out tonight even if it is too long bc I have to tell someone. My main thoughts are just that 1. I KNOW sane people do not act like this, 2. I am recovering and I will stay calm 3. He is sicker and the threats are his "crazy-making."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
I just want to shoot yself in the face today. I really want to avoid things getting to this point where he is always threatening me. Or breaking up with me- whih is never real. But the only way to do that seems to be to not make a single statement about anything, an let him walk all over me. Keep my phone on so he can keep torturing me as well the rest of the time and be available to him whenever he wants no matter how he treats me. I am past the carpet stage so that presents a problem obviously. Today i am just stunned an mad.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
I didn't Mis understand anything.
When your own words, up here, really sink in . . . . you will get it.
Ask if the band can play some old Billy Joel.
=====================
You should never argue with a crazy (mimimimimi) mind
You oughta know by now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
It is truly amazing how we know things, understand them, yet it still takes time to internalize the truths about this disease. This time I just needed to vent. I'm awAre what's happening here and have worked hard to get to this point. I've changed many bad behaviors and feel better overall, but sucks to see he is worse. Gross.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Sweetie your not crazy. Its just as you said....sane people dont act the way HE is acting. Make alternate plans and actually enjoy your bday!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Happy Birthday a little early! Go enjoy it and let him go. I can tell you there is nothing worse than listening to someone say or text, I love you! And then berate you in the next! Normal sane people don't do that!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by bird13
It is truly amazing how we know things, understand them, yet it still takes time to internalize the truths about this disease. This time I just needed to vent. I'm awAre what's happening here and have worked hard to get to this point. I've changed many bad behaviors and feel better overall, but sucks to see he is worse. Gross.
You've grown, he hasn't. You're doing an excellent job of staying calm and taking care of yourself. Keep the phone off if you want to. You don't need to read a barrage of nasty texts or hear mean messages followed by "I love you". It's f-ed up and it sounds like you know that you just can't put up with it anymore.
Wishing you strength and healing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
This one is going out to Hammer and Bird on her almost birthday:
It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin
He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes"
Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright
Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me"
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"
Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy, who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life
And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone
Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright
It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while
And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say "Man what are you doing here?"
Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright
It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin
He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes"
Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright
Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me"
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"
Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy, who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life
And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone
Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright
It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while
And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say "Man what are you doing here?"
Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
I am trying to buy tickets to california tonight and of course he calls me crying. he said he wanted to " understand what happened last night " but I guess that was not important 10 minutes after he hung up on me last night to want to understand it then. He was too busy picking a new frosty beer.
I told him simply I can't even talk about it b/c it doesn't matter. Tomorrow he won't remember. Or it will just happen again so we should not waste our time ? If he wants to understand what happened, he can dig within himself for bigger answers. I said no one in his life has been able to tell him the truth about himself successfully, including his mom and best friend, and me. b/c in the end…. the liquid wins. He would rather keep drinking a liquid and eliminate a human being from his life than maybe cut out an object. That's addiction. ((Sound of crickets…)) …...then tears.
ugh. save it ya know?
Can we forever remind ourselves that they know they have a problem? That we are not buying their baloney that they think they are fine. We know better. Thank you for your support. It really helped tonight.
((Thank you for the birthday wishes.))
I told him simply I can't even talk about it b/c it doesn't matter. Tomorrow he won't remember. Or it will just happen again so we should not waste our time ? If he wants to understand what happened, he can dig within himself for bigger answers. I said no one in his life has been able to tell him the truth about himself successfully, including his mom and best friend, and me. b/c in the end…. the liquid wins. He would rather keep drinking a liquid and eliminate a human being from his life than maybe cut out an object. That's addiction. ((Sound of crickets…)) …...then tears.
ugh. save it ya know?
Can we forever remind ourselves that they know they have a problem? That we are not buying their baloney that they think they are fine. We know better. Thank you for your support. It really helped tonight.
((Thank you for the birthday wishes.))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
bird, when is your birthday? I'll be here to wish you a happy birthday. Mine is on the 12th. Dont expect anything from him. He has no empathy. He will hurt you over and over again. If you do go out with him for your birthday, remember, he treats it as an obligation. Watch him, listen to him. Don't believe anything.
Then come back here to the people who love you.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
amy
Then come back here to the people who love you.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by bird13
I really want to avoid things getting to this point where he is always threatening me. Or breaking up with me- whih is never real.
I feel for you, hope you figure it out!
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
It sounds like you're younger and still learning the ways of the world. I'm an ACoA, and therefore a relationship and chaos addict. Let me say from experience that there are plenty of sane, functional men out there who can treat you a million times better than this asshat. You aren't married, and thank God you don't have kids, so run. Run away and don't look back. What you're doing with him right now is an exercise in futility. Nobody wins until you leave. And then you win. The prize? The start of a healthy, happy life for yourself.
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