glitterdeva

Hi, I started going to meetings 2-3 a day, it helps, I feel more in peace, if it makes sense. Like I freak out less, still freak out, but less. Thanksgiving has been turbulent, very hard. AH was supposed to go to jail for driving on suspended license, but judge cut him a break and basically he was just fined $200. AH came home and then the saga started - I am hurting, he is hurting, he loves me, but understands that I don't believe him and he is gonna do it on his own and I will see and all that. I started going more things with kids, signed them up for classes, got all my divorce papers ready and I thought I was moving in a right place? I don't know what happened, but he asked me to spend Thanksgiving with him, so I did. I will never, I will go to meetings, this and that. I caved in.

If I read what I am about to write on here, I would think that this lady was STUPID and CRAZY and she deserved this crap. I am sorry, I am being honest. So we have 1 car, it is VERY hard to share one car when there are 2 ppl working and kids and activities. I can't drive kids to activities, he has to be at work, I have to be at work. So, he decided to get a car, his credit is much better then mine. However, because he doesnt have that much credit (my is like 100 points less then his), his interest would be huge. If we both signed for loan, its still big, if I signed for it, it was reasonable. After much consideration, I decided, ok, I will get this freaking car on my name, but he is gonna sign papers that in case of our separation or if he can't make payments, car is not marital property and I am taking it and selling it. STUPID.

I feel so anxious now and crazy and panicky. All I can think of is - what if this, what if that? Now he can drive. Yes, he can go to meetings, which he just started attending again, or meet with sponsor (also started doing the steps with his old sponsor) or he can go to his dealer and get high? Or am I being controlling and crazy? Because he can go anyways?

He says if I am so anxious, just take the car now and just return it? Tomorrow is the last day. Or I can sell it later? I am sorry, I know it sounds horrible and I am sick with this co-dependency thing. I just wanted to make things better and easier and I have hope, I guess, that he will take his recovery seriously. Sorry for the rant

KeepinItReal

Is it making life easier for you now? Yes.
We all are slow learners. Hope for the best... prepare for the worst.
Take a deep breath and pray.

glitterdeva

Thank you. I have been praying and...taking anti-anxiety medicine, because I can't take this. Do you know if he is busted with drug in a car that is registered to me (and i am not there), will I get in trouble? I know, it is a stupid fear, because even if we had one car, he was still driving it and could do exact same thing. Or what if he crashes? I don't let him drive kids or anything like that

glitterdeva

I just wanted to say. If I had more money, I would buy him a car, give him title and ask for a 6 months-1 year separation so that he can work the program alone and I can have my piece.

KeepinItReal

No.... if you are not there then no. However, accidents while hes high can cause you serious financial problems if insurance doesn't pick it up. Can u get legally separated... and have him take out holistic own insurance??

KeepinItReal

Not holistic. His own***

KeepinItReal

This was my fear that had me hide my ah keys.... and then him junking it

glitterdeva

Yes, he said he will sign my marital agreement. We are both on car insurance, it is full insurance, everything is covered, but I don't know. If a car registered to my name, I have to have insurance on it

KeepinItReal

Ask the lawyer?? Must be a lawyer that specializes in accidents... drunk driving... that sort of thing. I'm not sure if separation agreement will protect you in court with vicious insurance companies if the worst happens. I know some members here have first hand experience. Check locally. Laws vary state to state.

overit263

We had two cars, one only in my name that he drove, and the other that I drove with both of our names on it. Thankfully he signed away the title so I could sell the car and I put all the money towards debt. The only thing that is scary is if he wouldn't sign it over and he trashed your credit because he stopped making payments and you were left with the debt.

glitterdeva

Both cars are on my name only I am going to try to return it, I dont know if he will go for it. Prob not

glitterdeva

thank you, I am googling away Can't imagine going through something like that..

overit263

If he totals the vehicle, and you don't have that gap insurance, you might be stuck paying for a car that neither of you have. Fun times huh??

glitterdeva

Jesus. I didn't even think about gap insurance. I am going to at least get that. I am so anxious now, can't sleep I am scared to even tell my family

overit263

Don't be anxious, it will get worked out. You just have to try to cover all the possibilities to make the best decision for yourself. Easier said than done right?

glitterdeva

I know, I was so close to divorcing too, got it all ready. I always do this - I get super motivated, I TOTALLY understand that my situation is horrible, I get everything worked out, I mobilize my family (who at this point do not want to deal with me anymore), I get ready to make a move and then I get paralized, I get scared and do totally opposite from what I was doing.

I will pray more and ask for more help, I will ask to guide me and my kids through this hell. Thank you!!!

Lily1918

I don't have any wisdom about the car issue, but I do want to encourage you.

I know what it is like to be an enabler!!! I have given AH money, gone to pick up, taken him to get drugs, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. I really thought that the only way to get him to stop lying was to show him that it was ok to be honest. How sick is that!? I had accepted that I couldn't do anything to get him to stop using, so I wanted to get him to stop lying instead. It worked. He didn't steal from me anymore, he stopped disappearing, he no longer had a password on his phone. It is one of the greatest regrets of my life. I kept him sick, I made him more sick, and he did the same to me. It got so bad that God separated us, and sent him to prison because God knew that we would both die in our addictions if he didn't.


I tell you these things because I want you to know that you are not stupid in any way, shape, or form. You are not crazy and you do not deserve to be mistreated. You are going to meetings, and honestly, I see a lot of recovery in your posts. You are not the only one. You are not alone. We are all here for you.
sending you big hugs. Keep taking good care of you!

AnvilheadII

why not go back to the original plan of HIM buying the car? and let HIM deal with it and save yourself a whole bunch of grief.

glitterdeva

Thank you very much for your kind words. I am putting my all into the program, I pray every day and try to stay calm. I know that its one day at the time, and with that hope I pray that one day I will get my sanity/serenity back. I am in this situation because I put myself in it. My mother, father, uncle and aunt are all alcoholics, so i am a poster child for this Just have to find way out. Everyone has a way, I think life is beautiful and magical and it is never linear. We turn and fall and get up and, I don't know, somehow pain moves us forward, we become more then we are. Not sure how to explain it. I am concentrating on the positive, but still I am not the smartest person out there. Too naive and trusting.

glitterdeva

AH spend some time in prison and although his credit is much better then mine, banks want to give him a very high APR because he just doesn't have much credit. So, we decided that it will be much cheaper to get it on my credit Not the smartest decision I made, i know