uncaged

I thought we were out of the woods! Oh how naive and wrong I was! I have 5 years sober from an ugly meth addiction and an even uglier relationship. Two years after my sobriety began I began a new relationship. Things were wonderful..so I thought. Last spring, 3 years into my current relationship, I found out my boyfriend had been using/addicted to smoking oxys for about 8 months. He was introduced by an old neighbor.. In that short time things spiraled out of control. He became someone I could barely even recognize. He became aggresive,unloving, stole countless money and belongings from our home, lied, and then eventually left to do his drugs (I kicked him out many times and always let him back). I was lost and alone and went into a depression. Eventually he called me from the hospital begging for help and we got him into treatment.
Now, 9 months later I though things were going great. In the back of my head I at times felt distrustful but in general I have believed he is sober and we were gettting along great no money missing ect. or other classic signs. Well,today that changed!! I'm so hurt but this time I 'm trying to cope by thinking with my mind rather than my heart. I was gone for the holidays to see family. He stayed home to visit his family. I came home yesterday and there were black marks on cupboards and lightwswitches. Back when he used before ,I found black fingermarks often and found out this was from lighting the foil and having it on his hands. I felt panicked and looked at his hand nonchalantly.Hmm his thumb was rather black. I started a fight but he assured me nothing is wrong and I never have to worry about that. So, today I find out my new replacement debit card and pin were stolen out of my mailbox(I've been waiting for them) and my account is drained of the $1000(rent money). I call him hysterical at work and explain that my money has been stolen. He encourages calling the police and says he has nothing to do with it.I still could not rap my head around him doing this today so I went to the staffing place that has been "sending him on jobs". I walk in and make up a lame excuse of why I need to get a hold of him the lady looks confused and says she has never heard of him or the jobsite he is supposed to be at. AAAHHhhhhhh!!! I want to scream! He then calls again and I tell him I know he isn't at a job and that I am calling the police to research bank ATM cameras. He says he will be home in 15 minutes. So now 5 hours later no him(hes always home at night) and his phone is off now. To top it off. I just noticed my keyto my older second car that I was giving to my son is sitting in the kitchen when it should be on my keyring! I walk in the garage and my car is smashed! totaled!! on 3 sides! Hit and run this weekend???? Sorry this is so long I need to vent! Can someone change literally overnight with this drug? I was gone for two days only. I am blindsided. I am in shock I truly feel he started back up on them one to two days ago and is already this destructive again.

Twofish

Dear Uncaged, First things first, Welcome to the SR family, you are part of us and we will give you as much support and advice you can stand...NOW, It's rarely that I am speechless, but you poor woman! Addiction has woken up and kicked your a$$. I am so sorry. Call the police, there could be countless things missing from your home. Addicts lie, lie and lie some more. They manipulate the situation to get what they want and to have thing uninterrupted. The demon is angry. Please be safe and take care of yourself. Keep reading, posting, as others read your thread, you will feel the love and support you must desperately need and want by now. Hug, very gentle sincere hugs to you. TF

lizwig

Wow uncaged, I'm so sorry. First of all, congratulations on 5 years sober from meth! That is so inspiring!! Meth is my son's drug of choice so hearing from someone who is committed and recovering is music to my ears.

Secondly, ugh. What an awful mess he has created. How on earth was he going to explain your wrecked car? With all the care and concern in my heart I encourage you to call the police. Who knows what could have happened with the car and they may come looking for the registered owner....you. Protect yourself. He is not capable of doing so at the moment. I'm afraid you may need to press charges in order to protect your bank account, yourself, etc. It's time to set your heart aside for the moment and get a lassoo tied around this tazmanian devil before he pulls you down with him. I am incredibly sorry you are having to deal with this....but don't be another victim. Once you start making decisions based on what is best for you you will become more empowered. Big, MASSIVE hug to you today. I have no doubt you need one!

atalose

I would venture to guess he started back up on them long before 1 or 2 days ago. Addicts pick right back up to where they left off.

Like you I didn’t witness the use at first, he was cautious and conning and I wanted so much to believe in him.

I think you need to file a police report regarding the car, who knows what or who he may have hit or injured or killed. I’m sure the police can put it all together the car and your stolen debit card = the active addict in your life.

Sorry you are going through this but you need to take back your power and control your future by pressing charges today for what he has done to you and your family.

cleaninLI

Unchanged...WOW! I'm so so sorry you are in this situation! TF and Liz are spot on that this Tasmanian Devil...demon needs to be reigned in! Please call the police! ASAP! You will be helping no one by turning a blind eye to all that has happened! In fact, you will be doing your ABF a favor by turning him into the police! Not that he deserves a favor!

As far as him only using the last couple of days? I doubt it! You will probably come to find out he has been at this for much longer than you realized. For him to steal from you, lie about his job, and crash a car all in a few days tells me this demon has been awake for quite awhile! Please go through your house and check for any other stolen valuables so that you can report them to the police. If you have any close friends or family members call them. You need the support. Please do not let him back in your house. Even if he pleads and begs and is the most apologetic person you have ever seen. He is going to try his best to manipulate you into protecting him and his addiction. Do not fall for it! He will lie and lie and lie some more! He may even become violent with you! Desperate people do desperate things! Right now he is desperate to protect his addiction!

Also, I want to congratulate you on your recovery and welcome you to SR.

doggonecarl

+1

uncaged

Thankyou so very much friends for all the support. I'm trying to stay strong and keep myself busy and as much to my regular routine with school ect..to get through this. Have not been able to cry yet but am very very sad and haven't gotten any sleep. Trying not to obsess on thoughts of "where is he" "how could he do this if he loves me" and alll that jazz. I broke down and called his mom today just mainly to ask her and his aunt and grandma to be aware he stole from me and is most likely going to go to them next trying to get money. Well, guess what? His mom was about to call me too. This is unbelievable. He went to his mom a few days ago and said he wrecked my car and if he didn't fix it he would lose me. She said he was in a panic and had a friend to fix the damage for cheap. She gave him 400 against her better judgement. This is ridiculous since that amount of money would never cover the extensive damage. The car is totaled. Then the next day he came back and claimed he needed to borrow something and she discovered later he had stolen her debit card too and withdrew a total of $400. So thats 800 from his mom. She confronted him and he was crying begging for forgiveness and saying he has nothing now, talking about me, ect.. She thought I new about the car and that she had given him money. I was out of town for all of this. So this means in the last four days he has stolen almost 2 grand. I have made a police report about the car damage and my debitcard being stolen. Lets just say they are not running down to retrieve the bank video tape. They also said I cannot report the car stolen or taken without permission. Very frustrating. I have removed some valuables from my home and feel like a watchdog over the house. Next step: trying to figure out how I can get all of my locks changed. Question: Just out of curiosity how much would an average oxy or roxy addict (have no idea what kind he uses) with a pretty large habit going usually spend a day? How may do they smoke a day? In other words not that it matters but I was wondering how long $2000 would last I guess. Im staying strong and have made a promise to myself not to let him back in my house or my life. I have to do this no matter how sad and lonely I'm feeling and I feel determine to do this despite the sadness. I was with him as a supportive girlfriend through it all the first round of getting him through detox, withdrawals, and through treatment. But I'm taking a step back now or more of a step forward. I hope he finds his path back to detox/treatment and have not heard from him but left a message on his phone saying this. I have told myself that will be my only call/attempt to reach out. I've been the caretaker in the past two relationships and its time to take care of me.

overit263

My AXH sat right next to me while I called the credit card company because I thought I was the victim of a skimmer...nope, he took the money! Charged a bunch of gift cards all over the place apparently to get drugs. I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially with the holidays and especially when you were trying not to live in the past and trusting him. I've been there done that! And you know active addicts love to use that trust and really beat it into the ground. All I can advise is living by "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"....Active addicts are cunning and they will lie, lie and lie some more to protect their addiction so of course he's not going to fess up to using when you see red flags pop up. You'll get through this. We've all felt that shock, confusion, trying to make logic out of madness. Be thankful you're not married. What I wouldn't give to be able to file a police report on my husband so that I could possibly get my belongings back!

nancylee

I'm sorry for all this pain you are going through. Make sure you document that you reported the car stolen - GOd forbid he hurt anyone, you don't want to be blamed.

Protect yourself - that's all you can do.
Hugs,
Nancy

uncaged

update on my situation: Got a call from a psychiatric inpatient center that deals with crisis stabilization that he was picked up from an overdose and brought there. He was there fo 3 days and has now been transferred to the county detox where he can stay for a week and hopefully be fast tracked into inpatient. He is fully compliant and wanting to go. I am glad that he is safe.

Txhelp

So sorry this has happened to you! So glad that you are here....

It's amazing the unraveling that occurs once you have just discovered they are using. Its like dominoes! However, this is no game.

Take things one day at a time and protect yourself the best that you can....you know exactly what to do!

needingabreak

Welcome to SR. You will find much support and care from everyone here. I'm so sorry this has happened to you! My God, what a terrible week for you. While I am glad he is getting help, that doesn't really help you! Congratulations on your 5 years. That is fantastic. I hope things get better for you soon. Sounds like you could really use a break.