New and a little anxious about being here :/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 79
New and a little anxious about being here :/
Hi 
I'm new to the group here and am feeling really anxious about the fact that I joined. As if joining has finally confirmed that my husbands drinking is indeed a problem. We've been married for 6 years and have two amazing little boys together (3 and 2). When we first started dating we'd always enjoy going out for drinks together (and often would have a lot more than we should) :/ It all seemed very innocent and exciting to me at the time. After we got married we started trying for a baby, so I cut out (almost entirely) drinking, but he didn't slow down at all. When I got pregnant (a year later) I stopped drinking entirely and began to realize he might have a problem when he still didn't cut back at all. I brought it up several times and he kept telling me once the baby arrived he'd cut back. Once the baby came the opposite happened though. He started drinking more. It's all been pretty much downhill from there. We now have the two boys and he's drinking more than ever. Every few months we have a big talk about it and he promises to slow down (never quit). It usually lasts a few days and then gets worse than it was before. He's definitely a 'functioning alcoholic'. He owns his own very successful business and the drinking never seems to affect things there. He won't drink during the day because he knows once he starts he can't stop. So, for the most part, drinking always happens once the kids are in bed. I've always believed they weren't affected by it, but I'm starting to see in the older one how the tension (as a result of the drinking) is beginning to affect him
I feel as though I have no relationship with my husband. We never talk about anything because he's either too drunk to have a coherent conversation and won't remember anyway or it causes a fight (because he's drunk and irrational). He's not ever abusive when he's drunk. He's either overly affectionate (which makes me cringe) or he's mean. During the day when he's sober he seems so 'normal' and it always leaves me feeling like maybe it's not a big problem and maybe I'm making too big a deal of it in my head. I'm not sure he even realizes there's a disconnect in our relationship. I feel a little confused by it all to be honest. I feel myself inching closer and closer to a breaking point though and want to find some sort of help before it's too late for us. Not really sure what else to say, but thanks for reading It's nice to have a place to say some of these things and know someone is 'listening' on the other end.
I'm new to the group here and am feeling really anxious about the fact that I joined. As if joining has finally confirmed that my husbands drinking is indeed a problem. We've been married for 6 years and have two amazing little boys together (3 and 2). When we first started dating we'd always enjoy going out for drinks together (and often would have a lot more than we should) :/ It all seemed very innocent and exciting to me at the time. After we got married we started trying for a baby, so I cut out (almost entirely) drinking, but he didn't slow down at all. When I got pregnant (a year later) I stopped drinking entirely and began to realize he might have a problem when he still didn't cut back at all. I brought it up several times and he kept telling me once the baby arrived he'd cut back. Once the baby came the opposite happened though. He started drinking more. It's all been pretty much downhill from there. We now have the two boys and he's drinking more than ever. Every few months we have a big talk about it and he promises to slow down (never quit). It usually lasts a few days and then gets worse than it was before. He's definitely a 'functioning alcoholic'. He owns his own very successful business and the drinking never seems to affect things there. He won't drink during the day because he knows once he starts he can't stop. So, for the most part, drinking always happens once the kids are in bed. I've always believed they weren't affected by it, but I'm starting to see in the older one how the tension (as a result of the drinking) is beginning to affect him
I feel as though I have no relationship with my husband. We never talk about anything because he's either too drunk to have a coherent conversation and won't remember anyway or it causes a fight (because he's drunk and irrational). He's not ever abusive when he's drunk. He's either overly affectionate (which makes me cringe) or he's mean. During the day when he's sober he seems so 'normal' and it always leaves me feeling like maybe it's not a big problem and maybe I'm making too big a deal of it in my head. I'm not sure he even realizes there's a disconnect in our relationship. I feel a little confused by it all to be honest. I feel myself inching closer and closer to a breaking point though and want to find some sort of help before it's too late for us. Not really sure what else to say, but thanks for reading It's nice to have a place to say some of these things and know someone is 'listening' on the other end.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Welcome, and thanks for sharing your story. There are some great stickies at the top of the forum if you'd like to educate yourself about alcoholism and codependency. Sorry to hear you're having trouble, and that your oldest boy is being affected by the tension in the house.
If you can, try to get out to an Alanon meeting. SR and internet support is great, but you really can't beat live people who understand what you're going through. Hugs!
If you can, try to get out to an Alanon meeting. SR and internet support is great, but you really can't beat live people who understand what you're going through. Hugs!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and welcome to SR. I hear you loud and clear. As ladyscribble said, there are great stickies and lots of wisdom in this forum. I also agree, get face to face support for yourself. SR can provide an outlet but face to face is best. Alanon or Celebrate Recovery meetings with the right group of people can change your life.
What you will hear alot of here is:
You did not cause it
You cannot change it
You cannot control it
Your husband has to be prepared for the recovery path for himself for the right reasons. You cannot control his actions, only your own reactions and what boundaries you set for you and for your children.
You are not alone, keep posting and we will walk this journey all together!
What you will hear alot of here is:
You did not cause it
You cannot change it
You cannot control it
Your husband has to be prepared for the recovery path for himself for the right reasons. You cannot control his actions, only your own reactions and what boundaries you set for you and for your children.
You are not alone, keep posting and we will walk this journey all together!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: back woods USA
Posts: 171
welcome justwantnormal...
you will definitely get a lot of support, ears to listen and understanding shoulders to cry on here. Im sorry you are here but know that we have all been through it and understand.
you will definitely get a lot of support, ears to listen and understanding shoulders to cry on here. Im sorry you are here but know that we have all been through it and understand.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome, Justwantnormal, glad you found SR. What everyone else has said is so true! Spend as much time as you can here, and as you read, I think you'll start to see yourself in many of the threads.
As mentioned, one of the things you most need right now is to educate yourself about alcoholism and what you can and can't do about it. This thread might be a start for you; it's from the stickies at the top of the page. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
As others also said, Alanon is a good idea, too. It's a great resource for both education and support in the real world. Here's a link to help you find a meeting: http://www.al-anon.org/ There are a number of threads here at SR about people's experiences with Alanon; you can search the forum and find out what to expect at a meeting and how it can help you (and I'm willing to bet you'll be surprised at some of the ways it helps!)
Again, welcome to SR, and please keep reading and posting. The more you learn, the more you'll start to see your path ahead of you. Wishing you the clarity and strength to follow it.
As mentioned, one of the things you most need right now is to educate yourself about alcoholism and what you can and can't do about it. This thread might be a start for you; it's from the stickies at the top of the page. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
As others also said, Alanon is a good idea, too. It's a great resource for both education and support in the real world. Here's a link to help you find a meeting: http://www.al-anon.org/ There are a number of threads here at SR about people's experiences with Alanon; you can search the forum and find out what to expect at a meeting and how it can help you (and I'm willing to bet you'll be surprised at some of the ways it helps!)
Again, welcome to SR, and please keep reading and posting. The more you learn, the more you'll start to see your path ahead of you. Wishing you the clarity and strength to follow it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Welcome!!!
You are already quite insightful.
That was what kept me from coming here, and from going to my first Al-Anon meeting as well: The fear that if I admitted there was a problem, I would have to Jump Into Action And Fix Everything IMMEDIATELY…
I'm sorry you've got reason to be here but I'm happy you found us. I've been here for seven years and keep coming back for support, friendship, and advice. There are a lot of incredibly amazing people here who also support laugh and hugs. Hang around.
You are already quite insightful.
I'm new to the group here and am feeling really anxious about the fact that I joined. As if joining has finally confirmed that my husbands drinking is indeed a problem.
I'm sorry you've got reason to be here but I'm happy you found us. I've been here for seven years and keep coming back for support, friendship, and advice. There are a lot of incredibly amazing people here who also support laugh and hugs. Hang around.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
Welcome- it's a great place to read and learn, to vent and to figure out what you want out of life. There's no set time or formula, just pointers to help you.
Keep coming back, and yes, Al Anon is a great resource - I wish I had found it years ago, when my boys were younger. Lots of hugs
Keep coming back, and yes, Al Anon is a great resource - I wish I had found it years ago, when my boys were younger. Lots of hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Just wanted to say welcome...Im a new member too and have found this place to be a true gift. People have been so supportive...and its such a relief to not have to hide.
I can really relate to what you say about everything seeming to be fine during the day and then you question yourself about whether it is all in your head. The joys of the functioning alcoholic. What I have noticed in my AH though is that ass the disease progresses he's becoming less functional and the lines between day personality and night personality are becoming blurred.
Anyway welcome...spend some time in the stickies - they've been so helpful to me. One you might find useful is "what is abuse".
I can really relate to what you say about everything seeming to be fine during the day and then you question yourself about whether it is all in your head. The joys of the functioning alcoholic. What I have noticed in my AH though is that ass the disease progresses he's becoming less functional and the lines between day personality and night personality are becoming blurred.
Anyway welcome...spend some time in the stickies - they've been so helpful to me. One you might find useful is "what is abuse".
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
