Acorn

Back on day one again. It's been about three years since my last stint on SR. Since then I've been through all the denial and justification for drinking you can think of- only drinking at weekends and / or special occasions, only drinking at home, only drinking at the pub and not at home, going three days feeling great and using it as a justification to drink again.

The thought of not drinking again scares the hell out of me, it's been such a big part of my life since I was 15, I'm now in my 30s. I've never known life as a sober adult. When I've strung a few sober days together in the past I feel amazing, almost invincible, it's usually around this time that that voice in my head starts telling me I'm ok to drink again.

charliechar84

Hi Acorn, I'm new here but thought I'd reply. I'm in the same boat – I'm at day 3 and feeling really good, but all I can think is that I could just go and get a drink and I would be ok, but deep down I know I'll end up drinking 2 or 3 bottles of wine and not just a glass. It's hard, I've tried to quit a couple of times this year and it's always after a few days into sobriety that I get lured into a false sense of security.

Indenial618

I feel the exact same. I am on day 1 also. I'm also in my 30's and have been drinking since my teens. We can do this. I really want it. I feel so amazing when I do string sober days together. So good that I feel like I deserve a drink or that I don't have a problem. It's a revolving door and I hate it.

charliechar84

Yep, know exactly how you feel, the temptation is really strong today! I've also put on a LOT of weight this year from drinking so that's urging me on a bit. But we can do it

IOAA2

Hi. Your feelings and thoughts are not unusual at all. For myself I was immature emotionally and mentally corrupted because of the alcohol thinking process going on. Fear also was a big factor in my navigation.

I needed to totally surrender to the fact that I could no longer drink in safety and needed to get honest in my thinking process regarding drinking.

There are many posts and ideas to get sober on these pages IF followed and Practiced instead of just escaping again when we accept the desire to escape again.

My favorite phrase is " If we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to get sober AGAIN"

BE WELL

hayley86

Welcome back Acorn, i could never moderate my drinking. Once i made peace with the fact that i can't drink and the option was completely taken off the table it made it easier for me to focus on my recovery. Taking it one day at a time and not thinking too far ahead helped me initially.There is lots of support here. Best wishes.

Acorn

Thanks for all your replies. One day at a time is the only way I can do this. Anything else is too daunting.

It's time to be happy again though. I'm so sick of lying in bed till the early afternoon feeling sorry for myself because of how much I drank the night before I what I did or said. Everything that has gone wrong in my life has been because of drinking and it has to stop. Gonna see how I get on here an if needed take in some face to face meetings. Have tried aa before (once) and the whole idea overwhelmed me a bit

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IOAA2

I found when I first got to AA that if I made a commitment to follow the directions of how to be sober it WORKED. Not saying I liked them back then but it was far better than my miserable life was going doing it my way. The first thing I needed to do was accept that I could not drink in safety and be honest about my drinking.
Then the work started.

BE WELL

shane35x

It is so helpful reading these posts and to realize it sounds exactly like my own problems knowing that I'm not alone in the struggle helps me to look ahead with hope keep your heads up and dig deep

Nonsensical

I have one of those voices also. Has yours ever told you the truth? Mine does nothing but lie to me.

Dee74

sounds like you need a definite plan this time Acorn?
good to see you back

D

DoubleDragons

Hi, Acorn. I am in my 40s and was a drinker since I was 15. I am currently on day 65 (over two months sober) and I have not felt better in years!! I found (and still do) forever daunting, so the first few weeks, one day at a time worked for me. Then I decided I really wanted to make it to a month, then to a new liver (42 days), then two months, now three months. The longer I have been sober the easier it has gotten and honestly, I am finding sobriety addicting. I check in with SR daily; I keep a sobriety journal and inspiration notebook; I really liked Jason Vale's book Kick the Drink ~ made me look at alcohol in a whole new light as poisonous and vile and I also listen to self hypnosis recordings at night to quit drinking. Do the hard work in the beginning. Gut it out! It is so worth it!!

Cynderino

Double D is right! Sobriety is worth the hard work! Welcome to SR!

Leana

Welcome back
I too spend much of my adult life drunk, stopping drinking was beyond scary because I literally did not know how to be a sober adult. Now I couldn't ever imagine going back.

Milosdaddy

All of the time, lol. I am new to this site but was hoping to share one of my "proofs of purchase" of insanity within me as an alcoholic. When I decided to get sober in 2010 I went into rehab (a 7 month inpatient program). Nearing my graduation, I was feeling so great mentally, physically, and spiritually that I began telling myself that I could "go back" to being a "responsible" drinker. Y'know, one or two beers and walk away. I thought this idea was perfectly sound regardless of the FACT that I had NEVER been a person who could drink 1 or 2. There was nothing to "go back" to being, lol. Just the disease at work. I tried it anyway and it started out at 1 or 2, but I'd walk away angry and unsatisfied that I couldn't have 10 or so more...In those 7 months of rehab I had still never accepted powerlessness, learned some great tools, but never paid attention to step 1 with any honesty. I learned the hard way...again.

Acorn

that voice is so devious and will try every trick in the book.

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EndGameNYC

How old do you want to be before this is no longer true?

Make a plan, get help, follow through, and live a sober life.