BombusQueen

Hi Everyone,

I'm fairly new to the AA program and come Wednesday--God willing!--I'll have 90 days But over the past week I've been a little confused:

I was not technically "addicted" to alcohol in the sense that I was not a daily drinker. However, I rarely stopped once I started (binger). Even though every so often I could hold back from abusing alcohol, I didn't want to and when I didn't hold back I usually blacked out--and usually ended up doing something I regretted, that is if I had someone around to let me know what happened. I would often go for days or even weeks without drinking, but in between drunks I'd be pretty depressed as the alcohol had quite a negative effect on me in all aspects.

I've had drinking experiences like this for over 15 years and they've gotten increasingly worse over the past several years, even though my periods of abstinence had increased. I am absolutely convinced AA is the right place for me. I love my program, my sponsor and my fellowship.

BUT last week at a meeting someone said "the difference between a problem drinker and an alcoholic is when you take away the alcohol from a problem drinker the problem goes away. Take away the alcohol from the alcoholic you have a whole new set of problems to deal with" (or something like that). I do have issues with co-dependency that I'm really just starting to work through now that I've been sober, but am I really just a problem drinker? This sounds totally funny, but should I not be saying that I'm an alcoholic if I'm not really an addict?? I'm confused

suki44883

I call these things semantics. If we can't control our drinking once we start, we have an alcohol problem. I don't think it's necessarily important whether we consider ourselves alcoholics or just problem drinkers. Binge drinking is included in the alcoholic heading.

I'm not huge on labels, but if drinking is a problem, then it's best not to drink, don't you think?

MB8

Only you can be truthful with yourself and know the extent of your addiction. Don't let anyone convince you that you aren't an alcoholic if you think you might be. It may give you false hope and lead you back out to drink. Don't differentiate. Just continue to work your program and stay sober. Wether problem drinker or alcoholic, it's still a problem. Good luck friend. MB8

BeerTooth

I consider them the same thing. I used to refer to myself as a heavy drinker because it didn't sound as hopeless as the term "alcoholic". Now I've learned that those labels don't really change anything in the big picture.

Dee74

The thing to remember when your head starts this kind of analysis is to remember that problem drinkers destroy their lives, lose the things they love, and sometimes even die too.

If you're drinking's a problem, you owe it to yourself to do something about it - regardless of the label

lillyknitting

I've driven myself almost crazy trying to work out the answer to exactly what you are asking here. It kept me continually boozing for years. I kept saying the same things over & over "in not an alcoholic, Im the same as them, we all booze the same". Eventually I had to stop destroying myself, my life & my family. You have to seriously want to stop drinking, change to a sober way of life or continue as you were. AA is good support, but as someone said to me once "take what you want & leave the rest", just don't drink today.

Marcher13

Well put BeerTooth! I used to tell myself the same thing, I was a heavy drinker not an alcoholic because "alcoholic" implied no hope whatsoever. Funnily enough, once I said "alcoholic" to myself the air cleared because there was a definition to the problem so then the solution neatly presented itself. Heavy drinking implied cutting back -- which was hard to do -- but alcoholic clearly stated don't drink anymore.

Was I actually a heavy drinker or an alcoholic? It doesn't matter anymore, once I stopped I got my life back together.

ZeldaFan

I'm an alcoholic. That means when I drink it's a problem. The solution, I stopped drinking.

chaili05

I love this.

Nonsensical

The speaker's notion that the difference between a problem drinker and an alcoholic only becomes apparent after the drinking stops implies they are indistinguishable from one another before the drinking stops.

Even if his definition is accurate (and I am skeptical on that point) I can't think why it would be useful to know the difference. Alcoholic or not, we can all improve.

Enjoy your recovery.

PurpleKnight

To me it seems like the same thing! . . . either way if I was a problem drinked or I was an alcoholic, I still needed to quit or I would have ended up in a box, and the reason would have been alcohol!

Nightswimming

Problem drinker, alcoholic....the label now doesn't really matter to me. The fact I found myself on SR for about the 10th time told me something. My drinking was hurting me and and those around me and something had to change. I now label myself a non-drinker following a better path

silentrun

Don't sweat the definition it's basically slang anyway. Under that definition I am a problem drinker. Maybe I really am. If so I would not use the word "just". It was destroying me just the same.

KateL

I kept trying to change the pattern. Cut down (never worked) changed brands (silly) only drank at night, only drank on weekends or binged occasionally. I always ended up in a heap, looking and behaving ridiculously. So it had to stop, the night after I was stuck head first in a bush for an hour. xxx

Johnston

^^^ this. In this respect I completely agree with the AA big book. We are always looking for a way to get high and not pay the price.

BuckeyeRob

My drinking patterns are very similar to yours. I became convinced of my condition after reading chapter 3 of the Big Book. It still is painful to accept but I'm getting there. It was so much easier to tell myself "yeah maybe you have a problem with it sometimes but at least you're not one of *them*"

Cascabel

To me problem drinker vs alcoholic is a distinction without any real difference. I think that if alcohol is in charge of your life in any way, you should stop drinking. It is a simple but difficult way to discover the real meaning of freedom.

Hawkeye13

I binged too. I could go long periods between.
I also followed the pattern you are describing of blackouts and worse binges.

How can you doubt that this a problem? I may be a problem drinker or an alcoholic but
I am not a normal drinker, and that seems to be the only division that really has
any semantic weight.

jdooner

BK - we are quite similar...I think it has more to do with progression of the disease, actually. In the BB they talk about the four types of drinkers in the wives tales. A problem drinker falls into type 1 and they note this is the hardest to quit bc you have will and have not lost as much compared to a type 3 that is a low bottom and has become hopeless.

I ended up daily drinking in the end (last year) and I would have moments where I would binge and the frequency increased. I think this was like getting a little peak into the future. I reached out to help in terms of therapy and tried to stop a couple time (unconsciously) so my quit was a few things coming together.

Since being sober I have wrestled with these same questions but honesty has been core to my program, and I believe my questions does have the embedded idea if I am not then can I one day drink.

Today my life is so much better in every aspect that I find it funny I still have thoughts of drinking but I also know there is 20yrs of rewiring that has to be undone too.

You are early. I think AA also says for the problem drinker to give it a year and if it is truly not a problem then go back out and drink.

One the difficulties for the type 1 is the unknown. When you loose everything, your will and ego are nothing then anything is upside. If you have not then there is the temptation to question the what ifs. This is easy for me to suggest but I wrestle with the exact same questions to and relate quite ab it to your post.

newme2day

I agree with the posts. I have done the same thing to myself. I never wanted to stop drinking so i would only drink a little bit but I HAD to have bottle of wine EVERY weekend. That is a problem because i would obsess until i had it. I would also "sneak"a bottle here and there to drink when no one was around. Normal drinkers do not do that. If you think youhave a problem you usually do . . .who cares what title you put on it. Congrats on your sobriety! Fantastic!! Day 10 here . . . Double digits . . . Woo hoo!!