what do I tell people?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Dublin
Posts: 23
what do I tell people?
Hi. Any advice on what to tell people when the 'party animal' arrives and is no drinking? I can't pretend to be on antibiotics forever. Arranged a night for the girls at my house ages ago. It's next Friday and I can't cancel. Only on day three now and definitely not in party mood
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
You don't need to explain anything at all. I don't. I just say "I'm not drinking tonight." They don't need to know that "tonight" includes every other night as well!
As for the girl's night, sure you can cancel. You can, and you should, do anything you need to do to protect your sobriety, which is way more important than what others think about you. If you think this will cause a slip, then make up an excuse for cancelling. A lot of people find those sorts of events dangerous in the early days of their sobriety, so my advice (and of course you are free to take it or leave it) is to rethink those plans.
It does get easier. Eventually people get used to you not drinking and they don't think anything of it at all.
As for the girl's night, sure you can cancel. You can, and you should, do anything you need to do to protect your sobriety, which is way more important than what others think about you. If you think this will cause a slip, then make up an excuse for cancelling. A lot of people find those sorts of events dangerous in the early days of their sobriety, so my advice (and of course you are free to take it or leave it) is to rethink those plans.
It does get easier. Eventually people get used to you not drinking and they don't think anything of it at all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 29
I feel your anxiety as well. I just came clean with everyone and they really did not seem to think it was a big deal. I think we think too much about it ourselves, part of the selfishness of alcohol. My friends and family have been supportive and just moved on..
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Congratulations on 3 days 
I know you don't want to hear this but please think seriously about having a party at your house when you are less than 2 weeks sober. Think of the following:
- Will you enjoy it when everyone around you is drinking and you're not
- You'll probably want to drink. how much friendly persuasion will it take you to have just 1?
- Why do you want to be around drinkers so early on .Why put yourself under that additional pressure. It's hard enough in the early weeks without purposely putting ourselves in drinking situations.
- What escape route will you have? Probably none as it's your house
- It's obviously playing on your mind already to post this and will get more so as next week approaches
There is no 'can't' ,You CAN cancel if you want to and want to be sober. For me, I had to make sobriety my priority which meant lifestyle changes, sometimes difficult ones especially in the early weeks. You admit you're not in a party mood. Part of getting sober is learning how to put YOUR needs first and not just do what everyone else wants all of the time. There is no reason yo ucan't cancel if you really want to .What's the worst that can happen?
No one is saying change your life and avoid social situations forever. It does get easier as the months pass but having a drinks party at your house in the second week of sobriety is asking for trouble imo.
I hope you are true to yourself and do what is right for you and your sobriety
I know you don't want to hear this but please think seriously about having a party at your house when you are less than 2 weeks sober. Think of the following:
- Will you enjoy it when everyone around you is drinking and you're not
- You'll probably want to drink. how much friendly persuasion will it take you to have just 1?
- Why do you want to be around drinkers so early on .Why put yourself under that additional pressure. It's hard enough in the early weeks without purposely putting ourselves in drinking situations.
- What escape route will you have? Probably none as it's your house
- It's obviously playing on your mind already to post this and will get more so as next week approaches
There is no 'can't' ,You CAN cancel if you want to and want to be sober. For me, I had to make sobriety my priority which meant lifestyle changes, sometimes difficult ones especially in the early weeks. You admit you're not in a party mood. Part of getting sober is learning how to put YOUR needs first and not just do what everyone else wants all of the time. There is no reason yo ucan't cancel if you really want to .What's the worst that can happen?
No one is saying change your life and avoid social situations forever. It does get easier as the months pass but having a drinks party at your house in the second week of sobriety is asking for trouble imo.
I hope you are true to yourself and do what is right for you and your sobriety
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 101
I'm trying to figure this out too. I'll be 5 weeks sober tomorrow and have basically avoided people the entire time. I know I'm going to have to face it with the holidays approaching. I was that "party animal" too, so it will definitely be noticeable. I'm contemplating a few things: 1) health, simply saying I quit due to illness and really liked how it felt (this works especially well if you're using antibiotics as an excuse). 2) vanity, saying you're afraid alcohol is aging you prematurely/making you gain weight and you're too vain/concerned with appearance to continue drinking. 3) safety, the drunk driving laws are really strict in the US, not sure about where you are, but especially since you have kids you can always use the safety/driving thing as an excuse.
I'm planning on using a combination of all of these in the coming weeks depending on the situation. I agree about canceling the girls night - no one will be upset if you cancel last minute due to "illness." Your mental health and sobriety are way more important. Something like that would be a huge trigger for me and I would avoid it at all cost. Good luck and let me know what works for you!
I'm planning on using a combination of all of these in the coming weeks depending on the situation. I agree about canceling the girls night - no one will be upset if you cancel last minute due to "illness." Your mental health and sobriety are way more important. Something like that would be a huge trigger for me and I would avoid it at all cost. Good luck and let me know what works for you!
Sober from 11/19/13-1/18/14
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 177
I haven't told my friends yet but when do I'm not going to make a big deal about it.
People change, they evolve, that is life. You are breaking out of the identity that you've created for yourself, and people do that all the time, to better themselves and to better the world. The only constant in life is change.
You can simply say, I don't feel like drinking tonight and leave it at that. If they question you, the party animal or laugh, just shrug it off.. have the confidence to own your decision and not let them get to you. The only way they can get to you is if you let them. If they see you confident in your decision and not making a big deal about it, they likely won't either.
Good luck
People change, they evolve, that is life. You are breaking out of the identity that you've created for yourself, and people do that all the time, to better themselves and to better the world. The only constant in life is change.
You can simply say, I don't feel like drinking tonight and leave it at that. If they question you, the party animal or laugh, just shrug it off.. have the confidence to own your decision and not let them get to you. The only way they can get to you is if you let them. If they see you confident in your decision and not making a big deal about it, they likely won't either.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 149
I've thought about this a lot lately as I'm the party animal in my group of friends too. I've decided I'm not going to "say" anything. I'm just going to let my actions speak for themselves. No means no - I'm not drinking to day/night. Why do I have to make a big declaration about it?
I completely agree with Jill on canceling. You can. On day 2 of my sobriety I was supposed to go out for Mexican food with my girlfriends. In the past Mexican food was just an after-thought...it was really the swirl margaritas I was going after & lots of 'em! I made up an excuse and didn't go. It had been on the calendar for months but I just wasn't strong enough yet. No one said a word. They went on with their evening anyway & I stayed in the comforting walls of my home. It was the best decision for me at the time and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Good luck. So glad you're here!
I completely agree with Jill on canceling. You can. On day 2 of my sobriety I was supposed to go out for Mexican food with my girlfriends. In the past Mexican food was just an after-thought...it was really the swirl margaritas I was going after & lots of 'em! I made up an excuse and didn't go. It had been on the calendar for months but I just wasn't strong enough yet. No one said a word. They went on with their evening anyway & I stayed in the comforting walls of my home. It was the best decision for me at the time and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Good luck. So glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
You can also be truthful and explain you developed a serious allergy to alcohol and can't control where you will breakout. Then again a simple NO THANKS is sufficient, more for them.
I've been sober for many years and haven't wanted to drink since before the internet arrived. I still won't put myself willingly into dangerous situations, as I'm really not that important at functions.
I recall a situation where a friend went to a gathering and was sober several years. He was offered a drink and before he could say no thanks someone piped out "he can't drink anymore!" He got angry and figured he'd show him and then couldn't get sober again for almost a year.
BE WELL
I've been sober for many years and haven't wanted to drink since before the internet arrived. I still won't put myself willingly into dangerous situations, as I'm really not that important at functions.
I recall a situation where a friend went to a gathering and was sober several years. He was offered a drink and before he could say no thanks someone piped out "he can't drink anymore!" He got angry and figured he'd show him and then couldn't get sober again for almost a year.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 551
When pressed, I've told people that I'm on a longterm medication for a private health issue (true). I joke that I've done enough damage to my liver through drinking alone--I sure as h3ll won't make it worse by combining heavy duty meds plus booze. No one can really argue with that.
In addition, my friends are all pretty vain (as am I--I've also used the vanity excuse (mentioned by Youngcatlady). I add to the "long term meds" information by sharing that I've already lost a few pounds since quitting drinking. This adjusts the focus from me to them, as they then typically start to contemplate their own consumption and its impact on their weight.
In addition, my friends are all pretty vain (as am I
--I've also used the vanity excuse (mentioned by Youngcatlady). I add to the "long term meds" information by sharing that I've already lost a few pounds since quitting drinking. This adjusts the focus from me to them, as they then typically start to contemplate their own consumption and its impact on their weight.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
You can cancel.
You don't have to go ahead with this party so early in sobriety, if you choose not to.
You can simply say 'No, thanks' and if your friends are friends, they will respect what you say and not ask for an explanation. I don't think telling lies about why you are stopping drinking is the way to go. Try to remember you don't owe them an explanation.
You don't have to go ahead with this party so early in sobriety, if you choose not to.
You can simply say 'No, thanks' and if your friends are friends, they will respect what you say and not ask for an explanation. I don't think telling lies about why you are stopping drinking is the way to go. Try to remember you don't owe them an explanation.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Ready At Last is right.
You don't go to the party. You don't host the party. You don't go anywhere near a party for a year. When the "party animal" stays home, he/she isn't the party animal anymore. Right?
I can't stress enough the need to change this part of your life. No more bars, no more parties, no more of that nonsense. I tried going to parties and bars at first, and it's a no-win situation. In my case it set me back, even when I didn't drink. It was only after I realized that part of my life was over that I could truly progress and work on other things.
I recommend you do not go, and stay away for a long while. Hard to hear, I know. But nobody said this was easy. Good luck!
You don't go to the party. You don't host the party. You don't go anywhere near a party for a year. When the "party animal" stays home, he/she isn't the party animal anymore. Right?
I can't stress enough the need to change this part of your life. No more bars, no more parties, no more of that nonsense. I tried going to parties and bars at first, and it's a no-win situation. In my case it set me back, even when I didn't drink. It was only after I realized that part of my life was over that I could truly progress and work on other things.
I recommend you do not go, and stay away for a long while. Hard to hear, I know. But nobody said this was easy. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by kate1724 
Thanks for all the advice. I can't really cancel as it's been arranged for almost a year and people have booked flights etc.
I know it seems extreme and you can't fathom not doing this. Wish I had advice you wanted to hear! Again, good luck.
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