Ex getting help finally. I am still angry.
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Join Date: May 2013
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Ex getting help finally. I am still angry.
I moved out of my our home in April. After many failed attempts at drawing the line about her drinking and issues, she would not concede. In August, I broke up with her because I could no longer be in her life if she would not get help.
She contacted me awhile ago. She has been in outpatient once a week. And went to her first AA meeting last night. She contacted me because it was the loss of me that led her to treatment.
This is the thing. She still loves me and wants me back. Is genuinely sorry about what I went through. I am finding that I am angry about what I went through and that there is a considerable amount of hurt inside me. I am not in love with her anymore. She killed that part of us.
I told her that she cant pin me down on whether she has a chance at getting me back. I told her I fell out of love with her because of her drinking. I told her if she wanted me back in her life that it would take a lot of hard work. I told her I believe people need second chances. I agreed to be her friend but at a distance for now.
I told her that she should find herself, be happy alone and feel strong and powerful alone and then she will know what it means to love and be loved. I told her being together would only take the focus off what she is doing now. And its true.
I am finding when I am alone with my thoughts that I miss her, our home, our dogs, and our life. And I don't know what that means.
She contacted me awhile ago. She has been in outpatient once a week. And went to her first AA meeting last night. She contacted me because it was the loss of me that led her to treatment.
This is the thing. She still loves me and wants me back. Is genuinely sorry about what I went through. I am finding that I am angry about what I went through and that there is a considerable amount of hurt inside me. I am not in love with her anymore. She killed that part of us.
I told her that she cant pin me down on whether she has a chance at getting me back. I told her I fell out of love with her because of her drinking. I told her if she wanted me back in her life that it would take a lot of hard work. I told her I believe people need second chances. I agreed to be her friend but at a distance for now.
I told her that she should find herself, be happy alone and feel strong and powerful alone and then she will know what it means to love and be loved. I told her being together would only take the focus off what she is doing now. And its true.
I am finding when I am alone with my thoughts that I miss her, our home, our dogs, and our life. And I don't know what that means.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Awww, ********{hugs}}}}}...
I can feel the sadness and the frustration in your post. I'm so sorry you feel this way. It's no fun.
The only advice I can give is be careful...be very, very careful...and if you feel your objectivity slipping away, post here.
Peace.
I can feel the sadness and the frustration in your post. I'm so sorry you feel this way. It's no fun.
The only advice I can give is be careful...be very, very careful...and if you feel your objectivity slipping away, post here.
Peace.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
titanium---it is natural to miss anything/anyone that has been a part of your life--that you invested a part of yourself into. Hell, we even miss our enemies when they are gone--if we spent a lot of energy on them!!!
It is also a part of the grieving process. This is inevitable--even necessary, if you are going to heal. Grieving is the first step of healing. The o nly way to deal with it is to go through it. By definition, it is painful--deep feelings of sadness and l onging that are so hard to describe, adequately. Go ahead and feel it when it comes--and cry, if the tears come.
It won't always feel like this. I am sure that the holidays don't help.
You did what you had to do. Often the right thing is also the hardest thing.
dandylion
It is also a part of the grieving process. This is inevitable--even necessary, if you are going to heal. Grieving is the first step of healing. The o nly way to deal with it is to go through it. By definition, it is painful--deep feelings of sadness and l onging that are so hard to describe, adequately. Go ahead and feel it when it comes--and cry, if the tears come.
It won't always feel like this. I am sure that the holidays don't help.
You did what you had to do. Often the right thing is also the hardest thing.
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
The memories are in the brain, forever. As if it is today. And sometimes we want to dwell there. Especially with the sweet ones. But it helps us protect ourselves better if we concentrate on the ugly ones, involving the alcoholic, while we are in our own process of detoxification and repair.
And on the subject of the brain: hers is still in a state of real dysfunction and will be so for at minimum 90 days. And her emotional stability will be in a constant state of flux for many many months, perhaps a year or two. And her ability to remain consistent, rational, practical, and avoid acting on pure impulse will take a good three years' sobriety, is the general estimate. And that is only if she stays completely abstinent, works with a counselor for a long time, and receives from and gives to others struggling to remain sober.
The odds that she will do this are low. That is because most people take the easy way. It is just how it is. And alcoholics have a long pattern of escape, of taking the easy way, so the odds for an alcoholic to do the hard work are low.
I would remain apart and only barely casually in touch for at least a year. If you decide to become involved again sooner than that, be prepared for some wild swings in the relationship.
And on the subject of the brain: hers is still in a state of real dysfunction and will be so for at minimum 90 days. And her emotional stability will be in a constant state of flux for many many months, perhaps a year or two. And her ability to remain consistent, rational, practical, and avoid acting on pure impulse will take a good three years' sobriety, is the general estimate. And that is only if she stays completely abstinent, works with a counselor for a long time, and receives from and gives to others struggling to remain sober.
The odds that she will do this are low. That is because most people take the easy way. It is just how it is. And alcoholics have a long pattern of escape, of taking the easy way, so the odds for an alcoholic to do the hard work are low.
I would remain apart and only barely casually in touch for at least a year. If you decide to become involved again sooner than that, be prepared for some wild swings in the relationship.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: dublin
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by titanium13 
I moved out of my our home in April. After many failed attempts at drawing the line about her drinking and issues, she would not concede. In August, I broke up with her because I could no longer be in her life if she would not get help.
She contacted me awhile ago. She has been in outpatient once a week. And went to her first AA meeting last night. She contacted me because it was the loss of me that led her to treatment.
This is the thing. She still loves me and wants me back. Is genuinely sorry about what I went through. I am finding that I am angry about what I went through and that there is a considerable amount of hurt inside me. I am not in love with her anymore. She killed that part of us.
I told her that she cant pin me down on whether she has a chance at getting me back. I told her I fell out of love with her because of her drinking. I told her if she wanted me back in her life that it would take a lot of hard work. I told her I believe people need second chances. I agreed to be her friend but at a distance for now.
I told her that she should find herself, be happy alone and feel strong and powerful alone and then she will know what it means to love and be loved. I told her being together would only take the focus off what she is doing now. And its true.
I am finding when I am alone with my thoughts that I miss her, our home, our dogs, and our life. And I don't know what that means.
She contacted me awhile ago. She has been in outpatient once a week. And went to her first AA meeting last night. She contacted me because it was the loss of me that led her to treatment.
This is the thing. She still loves me and wants me back. Is genuinely sorry about what I went through. I am finding that I am angry about what I went through and that there is a considerable amount of hurt inside me. I am not in love with her anymore. She killed that part of us.
I told her that she cant pin me down on whether she has a chance at getting me back. I told her I fell out of love with her because of her drinking. I told her if she wanted me back in her life that it would take a lot of hard work. I told her I believe people need second chances. I agreed to be her friend but at a distance for now.
I told her that she should find herself, be happy alone and feel strong and powerful alone and then she will know what it means to love and be loved. I told her being together would only take the focus off what she is doing now. And its true.
I am finding when I am alone with my thoughts that I miss her, our home, our dogs, and our life. And I don't know what that means.
He told me the truth this week,told me he is sober four weeks,of course he is ,he is in rehab four weeks.i suppose its easier for me,i have my home and my dog,
It will get better,easy does it.
It will get easier .
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