JTTM

Hi There- Well... I'm having a really, really hard time! I need to have people that can give me POSITIVE advice. I messed up big time, I'm a Mom of 2. No my kids where not in my car... I have lost my Mom after taking care of her for years, my brother was seriously injured in an accident, my nephew, on and on and I had cancer.. I went on anti-depressents, Xanax and Ambien! Yes, the same doctore prescribed the pills for me. Anyways, I blacked out while driving and I had a CWOF years and years ago and now I have a second OUI due to prescription drugs.

I need help not feeling sorry for myself! I know I should be grateful I didn't kill someone. However, I am the Mom of 2 in the Suburbs and I can't drive, I have neighbors who are so happy to see me unhappy, etc....

I need to hear that it's not the end of the world that I can't drive. I have read some people's posts. Please do not be mean, I can't handle it, I'm hear for some positive advice and ways to cope. Thanks

PurpleKnight

JTTM, it's not the end of the world, time is a wonderful thing, everything passes, even a DUI, it's the choices that you make now though that will make the difference, Day 1 can start anytime your wiling to make the change!!

least

I'm glad you found us and joined the family.

Dee74

Hi JTTM

I certainly hope and expect noones going to be mean to you - there's tons of support here

It's definitely not the end of the world you can't drive - I don't drive either and there are many others here like me.

I don't think that's what you should be focusing on tho - the not driving really is just a symptom of the main problem of addiction.

Do you have any ideas what you're going to do about that?

D

JTTM

I'm not using anything and hope that my 13 and 10 year old can deal with having a Mom that can't drive. I can't get them to play dates and most of the time someone will help out but alot of gossip and talk about me, makes it hard. I used to be very liked and since this happened and everyone in my small neighborhood 20 or so houses know and have shared around own which is about 13,000 people it has been hard. I know that many of them have OUI's but, I seem to be shunned by alot. Not all, there are many that are very kind and understand, I didn't wake up one morning saying, "I'm going to drive impaired!" Thanks - I'm going to pray that this passes.

JaylaaKent

Everyone has to get to a point where they say "I have a problem, and I need to do something about it." The strange thing about the disease of addiction is most people don't want to do what they need to do in order to get and STAY better. It's like someone has cancer and are manifesting all the symptoms, but won't take their meds, do chemo, etc. You obviously do have a problem or are extremely unlucky? I know as a woman/mother it is shameful and degrading to sometimes get over that hump of the stigma that goes along with addiction. Society has been brought to view it as a lack of moral character and poor self-control. It's not. Use this opportunity as a chance to work on your addiction before you do something bad to yourself or someone else. Mixing those drugs you listed and alcohol caused me serious liver damage and a trip to detox. Do not be ashamed - any of those ninny bits that are judging you have tons of skeletons in their closets - but what you did is just more visual. They sound like crappy women anyways. I'd give you a big hug and take you to a meeting. For me it has been the best thing to ever happen - be around sober strong women who are spiritually and emotionally mature. Welcome to your journey and to SR.

JTTM

Thank you... I am taking your hug! I wish we are in the same area. I have met some nice people and I'm both unlucky and stupid. The Xanax and Ambien is what did me in. My first DUI was 20+ years ago. Massachusetts as a Life Time Look Back so, this counts as a second and I will need a breathalyzer in my car when I do get my license.

I am very depressed and just need to have GOD and support that this is not the worst thing. When I had cancer, I was ready to beat it and did. However, people where supportive. Of course, this they are not. I will be around and talk to strong women...

Dee74

I'm glad you're clean

I'm sorry for the neighborhood gossip and sideways looks - people are really small minded sometimes.

You can only do your best. I used to be the neighbourhood drunk - wandering the streets drunk, unwashed, falling over.

I got sober, lived my life right and eventually most people forgot about the other guy.

Those who didn't weren't worth bothering about, and those types aren't worth bothering for you either.

Hold your head high

D

JaylaaKent

I just googled your area for AA/NA meetings - there are a bunch - both are great fellowships - and there is a great app (for droid and apple) called One Health - it has meeting finder from your location.

trudgingagain

I was the neighborhood drunk too, and I never knew it until I got sober. Everyone knew I had a problem, BUT ME! Amazing that in MA this would count as a 2nd DUI....In CA, it is over after 3 years, but stays on your driving record from 7-10. As a mom who drank, I can understand about not being able to drive your kids. I remember one time, I called a neighbor to take my daughter to piano lessons, and I had to admit to her that I had had too much to drink and could not drive. Maybe try to talk to some neighbors? Do you have some friends in the neighborhood who could help you out? Most importantly, though...do you think it is time to take a look at the drugs you are using? Big hugs...hang in there...it will get better. Next week there will be someone else to talk about....lol...

chaili05

Hi JTTM! Welcome

I received my first DUI 2.5 months ago. So scary. I was freaking out about EVERYTHING. I haven't had my license since, but I should get my restricted in about 2 weeks. It's definitely been a lot of processing but all I can say is that today I'm 30 days sober, which is more than I can say about the last few years. I know it's going to be difficult with everything you're going through...and unfortunately DUI's do affect a lot of areas in our lives... AND know that it's not the end of the world. You can do this, you've done it before and you can do it again. Be strong. Also, I keep telling myself not to let this DUI be in vain.

chaili05

I too can't believe that in MA it's a second. That's crazy. I know someone who had 2 DUI's (In CA), one was a felony, and received a "third" this year; however, it was counted as a 1st since the other two were about 13 years ago.

JTTM

Thank you so much everyone! The court doesn't count it as a second so no jail but, Registry does. That is where the issue is; it is a 2 year suspension of license with a IID after 1 year if they will give me a hardship then a IID for 3 years. So, I'll be scene blowing into a device and of course, my son will not want to be with me nor my daughter. My daughter who is 10 will be more able to deal with it.

Again, I need to be happy I didn't kill someone. Unfortunately, I am so down... I could care less about myself However, my kids are amazing and I really have to get my head up out of this. So, I can't drive??? I should be grateful - I'm alive. Thanks for listening.

trudgingagain

That's better JTTM An attitude adjustment!

heathersweeds

HI!
It is a very scary place to be, but, trust me, you are going to be ok. I am going on "no license" for almost 3yrs this month. I got 2 DUI's within 4 months of each other. The last one, I did have my little guy in the car. I was also in a black out. This is a terrible memory for me, and hard to admit. I pretty much only feel comfortable telling this to other people that can identify. So, no judgment here. Welcome to SR! We have meetings here Tuesday and Friday nights 9pm EST in the chatroom. There are awesome people there!!

JTTM

heathersweed- How old are your kids or your little guy? I can't kill myself so I have no choice but to go on. I want to just lie in bed most days! How have people been to you? People have been awful to me. I used to be the favorite Mom in the neighborhood now I'm whispered about.

Tamerua

Welcome JTTM, glad you're here. Have you looked into getting an attorney? Just a thought.

I know that it is hard, but don't worry about what the other moms think. I heard this saying in some meetings that I go to, what anyone else thinks about you isn't your business. Of course, that's easier said than done but for me it was a huge relief.

Again welcome!

Fandy

people like to gossip and sometimes make themselves feel bigger by tearing others down. you can rise above this and just focus on being sober, a good parent and be glad that this stopped when it did, because it could have gotten so much worse.
the depressed feelings will pass as you find a way to cope and make new friends, develop some coping skills.
no one should drive while taking ambien ,taking it with xanax and alcohol is dangerous. it does have a 1/2 life in your system for a few days.
hope you are feeling better soon.

IOAA2

I know it is what it is but unfortunately even if we don't abuse our prescription meds they can easily bring us down as happens and unfortunately if we don't know the side effects and power of the meds we take the results, as you found out can be devastating.

My only thought would be to contact an attorney and proceed from there.

BE WELL

CactusJill

I am so sorry. I have escaped getting any DUIs, how, I don't know, but I know quite a few people without licenses here because of DUIs. Let them talk. EVentually, the gossip will die down. It always does. They will find someone else to talk about.

As for not driving - that is rough, especially when you have kids. Is there anyone you can trust to help? Maybe another parent whose kids are in the same activities who would be willing to take your kids along too for a little gas money?