A not too bad holiday - things DO get better :)
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
A not too bad holiday - things DO get better :)
Well...anyone who knows me from years past knows I dread and hate the holidays. HOWEVER this is my first holiday legally separated from my AH and I guess it's my first taste of what could be.
I went and visited a friend the weekend before Thanksgiving (which was fun) and then although I'd planned to stay home alone for Thanksgiving itself I went and had tofu-turkey with some friends (where I live tofu-turkey is fairly common - LOL). Anyway they do and did drink but for the first time it didn't really bother me...I even had one small drink (yuk but the point is I can have one without anxiety now). Anyhow it was a fun time - not like earth shattering fun but pleasant which for me is great progress.
Also when I got home my XAH showed up. He was looking pretty rough and miserable but was pleasant enough so I let him in and heard him out. He's been trying to get himself to rehab (yes again) and is struggling. So for once I was able to listen with compassion (in the past I was too angry) and I told him should he go as he's planning I support his decision. Support as in emotional support not support as in I'll take care of everything or pay for it. The only thing I said I would help with was that he could leave his cat at my house....I classified that as that was my cat at one time and I like the cat and it doesn't really put me out so that's normal help not codie helping. He left and went on his way and I was NOT anxious about "will he go or not" as I would have been in the past. He will either go or not and things will play out from there...of course I hope he goes but my life no longer depends on it. My happiness is now on me not dependent on what others do or not.
One thing for me in recovery is learning that life is not about "rules" or "following a plan". I've never been NC with my XAH and likely never will be...so what that breaks an Alanon "rule"...well that rule didn't apply to my situation. (Someone told me they think I am able to break Alanon rules because I'm not as codependent as others but I think Alanon is about learning that life is not a series of rules but instead is about finding your inner self and following the true you). Anyway, I feel detached and happy and want the best for him but not to the extent that what he does or doesn't do affects me.
Anyhow....for those struggling things can get better. What better means is different for everyone.
Happy holidays!
(now onto the next one...XMAS....I have no plans and no idea how it will work out but I'm now thinking I'll let it just play itself through like I did this one and see how it goes.)
I went and visited a friend the weekend before Thanksgiving (which was fun) and then although I'd planned to stay home alone for Thanksgiving itself I went and had tofu-turkey with some friends (where I live tofu-turkey is fairly common - LOL). Anyway they do and did drink but for the first time it didn't really bother me...I even had one small drink (yuk but the point is I can have one without anxiety now). Anyhow it was a fun time - not like earth shattering fun but pleasant which for me is great progress.
Also when I got home my XAH showed up. He was looking pretty rough and miserable but was pleasant enough so I let him in and heard him out. He's been trying to get himself to rehab (yes again) and is struggling. So for once I was able to listen with compassion (in the past I was too angry) and I told him should he go as he's planning I support his decision. Support as in emotional support not support as in I'll take care of everything or pay for it. The only thing I said I would help with was that he could leave his cat at my house....I classified that as that was my cat at one time and I like the cat and it doesn't really put me out so that's normal help not codie helping. He left and went on his way and I was NOT anxious about "will he go or not" as I would have been in the past. He will either go or not and things will play out from there...of course I hope he goes but my life no longer depends on it. My happiness is now on me not dependent on what others do or not.
One thing for me in recovery is learning that life is not about "rules" or "following a plan". I've never been NC with my XAH and likely never will be...so what that breaks an Alanon "rule"...well that rule didn't apply to my situation. (Someone told me they think I am able to break Alanon rules because I'm not as codependent as others but I think Alanon is about learning that life is not a series of rules but instead is about finding your inner self and following the true you). Anyway, I feel detached and happy and want the best for him but not to the extent that what he does or doesn't do affects me.
Anyhow....for those struggling things can get better. What better means is different for everyone.
Happy holidays!
(now onto the next one...XMAS....I have no plans and no idea how it will work out but I'm now thinking I'll let it just play itself through like I did this one and see how it goes.)
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
A girl at a local Alanon has her (now ex-alkie) boyfriend's dog.
He was in prison when we met. He was really blowing and going all about the program when he came out. He had her, he got a dog. He relapsed.
He is back in prison, she is done with him.
She now has the dog and really loves it.
We chatted about that some and decided she had "traded up."
Enjoy the cat.
He was in prison when we met. He was really blowing and going all about the program when he came out. He had her, he got a dog. He relapsed.
He is back in prison, she is done with him.
She now has the dog and really loves it.
We chatted about that some and decided she had "traded up."
Enjoy the cat.
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