Could Use Everyone's Support Right Now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 32
Could Use Everyone's Support Right Now
I'm toying with the idea of walking down the street to Seven-Eleven and buying a couple tall boys of Budweiser. I'm not doing anything with my family this year. And I don't have any friends to spend it with either, so I am feeling pretty damn lonely right about now. I know that I shouldn't get the beer though. I'm 3 days sober. I keep thinking, if I get some beers, I'll feel really really good! But...but...agh! Why shouldn't I go an buy beer?! Because I do REALLY dumb stuff that I regret when I drink, because it's bad for my body, because it's deadening, because if I get some today, what will stop me from getting some tomorrow? ARGH!
Many times I have told myself that I will buy two tall boys, drink them, and not return for more, but many of those times, maybe most of them, I do return for more, and more, and more...Until I have had so many that I can no longer walk straight or think clearly. When I reach that point, I feel terrible. I'm home alone, and the only thing I'm concerned with is "feeling good". I try watching movies - boring. I try playing games - confusing. I try reading books/articles - unengaging I try masturbating - now I feel worse. Once I reach this point, sloppy and incoherent, and all out of ideas to feel good, getting high sounds quite appealing, so I may walk down the street and get smoked out by my neighbor. Now I can't think straight at all. I'm disoriented and numb. I desperately try to think of ways to feel good. Should I buy cigarettes even though I have successfully quit for 4 months? Should I try to get laid and risk contracting an STD? Should I drive to the strip club even though I know I would get a DUI if pulled over? Or should I just buy a bunch of fatty junk food and pig out? That will make me feel good for a small amount of time at least.
Jesus. I wrote all that, yet I am still seriously considering getting alcohol.
I think I still haven't come to accept that I need to stop drinking. My common sense tells me that I need to stop, but my addiction tells me to just try it, just today, just this once, and see how it goes.
Many times I have told myself that I will buy two tall boys, drink them, and not return for more, but many of those times, maybe most of them, I do return for more, and more, and more...Until I have had so many that I can no longer walk straight or think clearly. When I reach that point, I feel terrible. I'm home alone, and the only thing I'm concerned with is "feeling good". I try watching movies - boring. I try playing games - confusing. I try reading books/articles - unengaging I try masturbating - now I feel worse. Once I reach this point, sloppy and incoherent, and all out of ideas to feel good, getting high sounds quite appealing, so I may walk down the street and get smoked out by my neighbor. Now I can't think straight at all. I'm disoriented and numb. I desperately try to think of ways to feel good. Should I buy cigarettes even though I have successfully quit for 4 months? Should I try to get laid and risk contracting an STD? Should I drive to the strip club even though I know I would get a DUI if pulled over? Or should I just buy a bunch of fatty junk food and pig out? That will make me feel good for a small amount of time at least.
Jesus. I wrote all that, yet I am still seriously considering getting alcohol.
I think I still haven't come to accept that I need to stop drinking. My common sense tells me that I need to stop, but my addiction tells me to just try it, just today, just this once, and see how it goes.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Hi sholto
you know as well as I do, we never really know what might happen once we open that first tallie.
I remember that rationalisation 
I think you know full well you need to stop...and you know the outcomes ^ that is your AV talking.
Go read your old posts, or someone else's - remind myself why you're here...noone lands here by accident.
Why not do something, occupy yourself? watch TV, play a computer game - post to some people here who need help?
D
you know as well as I do, we never really know what might happen once we open that first tallie.
I think I still haven't come to accept that I need to stop drinking. My common sense tells me that I need to stop, but my addiction tells me to just try it, just today, just this once, and see how it goes.
I think you know full well you need to stop...and you know the outcomes ^ that is your AV talking.
Go read your old posts, or someone else's - remind myself why you're here...noone lands here by accident.
Why not do something, occupy yourself? watch TV, play a computer game - post to some people here who need help?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,009
Sounds like you are having a tough time. And drinking will make your loneliness go away or simply make you drown further in your sorrows ? I believe the answer is the latter. You can accept your feelings but not take action on it. Those feelings will pass but if you drink, it will make them stay and then you get to add shame and guilt on top the next day. Why not, go for a walk and get some fresh air. Clear your mind. Go for a drive or do something completely different. Just dont pick up a drink. It isnt worth it.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Please don t drink and hang in there. If you crave human company, St Paul in Fremont has an alkathon with potluck (food is at 5pm I think). Call intergroup 206-587-2838 for more info. An alkathon is a day long AA meeting with speakers and you don t have to say anything. The Phoenix Club 15011 Aurora Ave N, Seattle has one too
I was just on the phone with the Cherry Hill fellowship and they are open and feeding people too. Meeting is at 8, all you have to do is take the number 48 from the U district where you are at and get out at Cherry and walk east 2701 East Cherry, I could hear laughter in the background they seem to be having a mighty good old time
I was just on the phone with the Cherry Hill fellowship and they are open and feeding people too. Meeting is at 8, all you have to do is take the number 48 from the U district where you are at and get out at Cherry and walk east 2701 East Cherry, I could hear laughter in the background they seem to be having a mighty good old time
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hi sholtokiwi. 
I'm glad you reached out for some support - you are among people who really get what you're going through.
So many times I felt exactly the same way. We're looking to give ourselves some peace - to turn off the negative thoughts running through our minds. The answer is not to be found at the bottom of those tallboys - and you know it won't be just 'a couple' - not very likely! I would vow to have a drink or two, but there was no such thing. It was always the whole bottle - then another bottle. It always led to doing stupid or embarrassing things - even dangerous ones. It always resulted in regret, remorse, and misery the next day. Not worth it! You know that though. I hope the walk helps - and I'm glad you came here to talk about it. We are with you.
I'm glad you reached out for some support - you are among people who really get what you're going through.So many times I felt exactly the same way. We're looking to give ourselves some peace - to turn off the negative thoughts running through our minds. The answer is not to be found at the bottom of those tallboys - and you know it won't be just 'a couple' - not very likely! I would vow to have a drink or two, but there was no such thing. It was always the whole bottle - then another bottle. It always led to doing stupid or embarrassing things - even dangerous ones. It always resulted in regret, remorse, and misery the next day. Not worth it! You know that though. I hope the walk helps - and I'm glad you came here to talk about it. We are with you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Spain
Posts: 92
Originally Posted by sholtokiwi 
Why shouldn't I go an buy beer?! Because I do REALLY dumb stuff that I regret when I drink, because it's bad for my body, because it's deadening, because if I get some today, what will stop me from getting some tomorrow? ARGH!
Many times I have told myself that I will buy two tall boys, drink them, and not return for more, but many of those times, maybe most of them, I do return for more, and more, and more...Until I have had so many that I can no longer walk straight or think clearly. would get a DUI if pulled over?.
Many times I have told myself that I will buy two tall boys, drink them, and not return for more, but many of those times, maybe most of them, I do return for more, and more, and more...Until I have had so many that I can no longer walk straight or think clearly. would get a DUI if pulled over?.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
I'm glad that by the time I got to the bottom of this thread I see you didn't drink. Well done! I remember the early days when I quit and having that same feeling. Your mind is so conditioned to only feeling fulfilled when you have given it the poison that it craves that nothing else seems to satisfy the desire to feel good. For me, I had to fill my time with little things like Pondlady pointed out above to keep the time passing by.
It may feel like you are just wishing time away and not feeling good about it but, in time, you start to actually enjoy things you find little to no pleasure in right now. Your mind is playing tricks on you in early recovery so you have to trick it back until it gets balanced out. Once it does, things are SO MUCH BETTER!
Keep doing what you have to do in order to not take that first drink. In time, you will look back on days like today with a sense of accomplishment that you cannot imagine right now. Stay strong and keep up the good work!
It may feel like you are just wishing time away and not feeling good about it but, in time, you start to actually enjoy things you find little to no pleasure in right now. Your mind is playing tricks on you in early recovery so you have to trick it back until it gets balanced out. Once it does, things are SO MUCH BETTER!
Keep doing what you have to do in order to not take that first drink. In time, you will look back on days like today with a sense of accomplishment that you cannot imagine right now. Stay strong and keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Sholto. Day three for me is always good for thinking I can moderate my drinking and You know what? I cant. Over and over again I have proven I cant. My husband is an alcoholic too. He did last night what you were thinking Of Doing. A couple of tall boys and he was going to be done. He gets psychotic when he drinks and a couple tall cans of **** beer is just the stsrt of his night. it is soon a trip to the neighvprhood Crack house. He rolled in at 4 a.m. After spending money we dont have. Lost his keys at the crack house. Sounds fun doesnt it?
I would hit the alcathons. Much better option. Hang in there. You can do it.
I would hit the alcathons. Much better option. Hang in there. You can do it.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by sholtokiwi
Well I got back from my walk, and I feel better. The craving is still there, but it isn't as overwhelming. Imma go buy a sub sandwich and munch on it for a bit. Thank you all for the support, it helps.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Hi Sholto, we are all cheering you on. A walk really is a good idea, what about music? Your iPod? Maybe you play an instrument? What about something mentally absorbing? A good book, online word puzzles ... Let the cravings go, move beyond them, that alcoholic voice just wants to be listened to.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
