lonelystar

So

the addiction cycle goes on and apparently is only getting uglier, atm I am upset, no upset is too small of a word, My AS admitted he sold my Ipad for drugs, didnt even know it was missing wonderful..., No i did not kick him out YET if you ask me why i do not I have an answer. I did give him time to get his **** together ,to go out get a job and buy me a new one, that will not erase the hurt that he would steal from me but it will help. You know just when you think you make a line they step over it , no remorse no responsiblility, they just dont give a F**, what they dont seem to understand is that yes they can do what they want with their life, but those decisions effect people around them, in the end he will be kicked out, we decided to give him a month. Honestly between me and you doesnt look like he is gonna make it, so yeah ......Happy Thanksgiving

MLJ88

Sorry for what you are going through. You are right- their decisions do affect us in more ways then they will ever know.

Upsetnneedhelp

Those I=pads are expensive. If he pawned it you may be able to get it back for much cheaper than a new one.

lizwig

I'm very, very sorry. You must be incredibly hurt and frustrated. We simply cannot help them if they don't want helped. Sending you hugs today...Please know you are not alone.

Taking5

If you could find out where he pawned it, you could file a police report, get the item back from the pawn shop for free, and have him arrested. Not sure if you are willing to go that far but it is doable.

Ilovemysonjj

Dear Lonelystar, when my son had stolen all my jewelry (the first time), I dragged his butt to the pawn shop and made a huge scene in the place and demanded my property back. The owner gave it back to me at the face value of the pawned amounts so at least I wasn't paying retail. Even if your son sold the items, the pawn shops cannot put them for sale until 30 days (at least in California). If he told you he took the item, that is actually a good thing. Maybe you can get it back for face value?

Kindeyes

I'm so very sorry. I think there is an invisible line that is crossed at some point in time with addiction.......a line that even we can't see........and once crossed.......it can't really be uncrossed.

I hope that you're able to get your iPad back. If not, it serves as a very tangible reminder of what lengths our addicted loved ones will go to to feed their addiction. It's a hard pill to swallow.

Take care of you today......and know that there are (unfortunately) so many others who understand your feelings.

gentle gentle hugs
ke

Upsetnneedhelp

IMO, pawn shops are classic enablers of addicts. Half the time they know the items are possibly stolen and know the person pawning the items are addicts. Yet they do it anyway. In a way they are like scrap yards which seem to have a "no questions asked" policy.

Jend719

When my daughter stole all of my jewelry, I filed a report with the police and had her arrested. It wasn't necessarily about the jewelry. It was realizing that she was in so deep to do something like that and needed help. If couldn't listen to me she would have to listen to a judge.

Newimage

So sorry, lonelystar.

Have had to buy my own jewelry back. Wouldn't have known it was there had I not been snooping in her stuff and found the receipt. Even faced with proof, she denied taking it and would not buy it back herself.

As you say, the addiction cycle gets pretty ugly. The thing about having them living with you is compounded by the side affects of their addiction, like stealing from you. It's no longer 'just' the addiction; it adds hurt and alienation to your relationship.

This is hard to live with. Hang in there.

Mountainmanbob

I remember back when I was younger and my mother called AA Central
they told her to "stop enabling me"
she stopped doing some things for me
yes, the grown man was no longer having his clothes washed by mommy

I didn't care for those AA people back then (love going to AA today)

sorry for the pain caused by your addict
I think that your decision for some tough love
will work out the best for you
and probably for him also

MM

overit263

I've had to go to pawn shops in some pretty bad neighborhoods. At one of them the guy behind the counter asked me if I was okay and I just lost it. I just didn't care where I was because the pain the addict in my life caused made me not care that I was in the middle of a very bad neighborhood in a pawn shop getting my belongings back. This last time, I was in the country at a pawn shop where the people were nice and the neighborhood was safe...and I wasn't sure if I would start crying, but I didn't. I needed that reminder today. Isn't it sad that their addictions harden us...

ladybug77

(((hug))) I feel your pain and frustration and I am sorry you are having to go through this. I didn't read that the Ipad had been pawned in your original post only that is had been sold, the reason I mention this as my AD pawned a lot of my jewelry that I had to buy back. That was in the early years when I still held hope she would "learn from this" and gave her the chance to prove she had. And to all outwards appearances, she did, until the next time. She began trading the items for the drugs, making it all but impossible to retrieve them.

the addiction cycle goes on and apparently is only getting uglier

That sentence said it all, it does get uglier until the addict accepts responsibility for their own illness and makes the decision to change their life. I hope things turn out well for you, thoughts and prayers go out to you.

lonelystar

Thanks you all for responding, god i was so mad I didnt even ask if he pawned it or sold it, whatever the case Im not going after it. I did think of calling the police to file charges but my stupidity is like, wait maybe he will learn something from this , maybe he will try to make it right ,so many maybe's, so much hurt, i think the hard part is coming to grips with the fact that he looks like my son but no hes something very different so you kinda have to face that fact . Im just gonna wait, keep my eyes wide open its his decision now .
Oh and thanks for not judging and all the hugs, sending some right back.....