Thoughtful2

When my boyfriend and I first met we felt a connection. I know it seems a cliche but I understood him. He told me that no one has ever understood him the way I did and this after I talked about his drinking.

Now he drinks when he knows I will be watching, where he used to hide ut
He recently left an empty can in the bedroom where u would see it.
I don't know me but it seemed odd to me.
Like he was crying out for help. His folks go about there lives and he is always in there company. He doesnt even have his own bank account.

His other girlfriends left him and one wife but I worked out that with him the more you argue shout protest he does it more.

I don't think they loved him any less but I can understand them.
I love him dearly and I feel he is just wanting some support but too afraid to stop without that love and care behind them.

When i talked about his drinking he told me not to judge him and I told him that I was just loving him.
I just hope that I am not behaving in a selfish way. Playing the saviour . It's just so hard to think that loving him enough to stay will do him more harm than good.

Maybe even egotistical where i will be doing more harm than good and
X

Dee74

Hi Thoughtful

I think we're all different - for some that could be a cry for help, for me I stopped hiding my drinking when I got to a point I simply didn't give a damn anymore.

Only you would know which situation is more applicable.

I think tho if your boyfriends not making any effort to curb his drinking, thats your answer.

I see you posting a lot about your boyfriend but what about you?

Where do you see yourself and this relationship in a years time if your boyfriend continues drinking?

D

Leana

Oh thoughtful2, please be careful, thinking you are the only one who "understands" can lead you down the path to enabling and codependency and possibly using. This is exactly how our daughter started. SHE was the only one who "understood' him, the only one willing to "talk about it", the only, the only, the only. Soon she was driving him everywhere because he lost his license and he "needed" her. Then she became his bank account. Then he began to steal from her, then from us, and then....she started using herself. HER Choice. I am not blaming him, she could have walked away but "she loved him." Today.. he's in jail for beating her up and she just finished rehab. And it all started with "I understand him." PLEASE be careful.

Thepatman

Leana is bang on I find. Be careful, love yourself first, protect yourself

trudgingagain

Leana....thank you for that post....my daughter did the same thing...EXCEPT she MET the guy in rehab! He was the cook for the rehab....UGH! And...she is still "out there", using and drinking....All the best, thoughtful....

misspond

Thoughtful2 - Dee raised a good point, and even your name here points towards your view of yourself, that you are thoughtful. You post about him a lot, not about you, and as you are not inside his head you can never ever second guess (or even first guess) what he is thinking.

And only you can make decisions about what is best for you...... but I'll agree with Leana (and say again as I did in one of your earlier posts) be careful. You can't change another person, only they are capable of that (despite what they "share" with you.)

least

What Dee said. Where do you see your relationship going in a few years if he doesn't stop drinking? Whether or not you understand him is not going to make him stop drinking. He won't stop unless HE wants to stop. Take care of yourself and let him make decisions for himself.

Anna

I agree that you should try to focus on yourself and what you want from the relationship and what you want in your life.

EndGameNYC

"He told me that no one has ever understood him the way I did and this after I talked about his drinking."

This line is standard issue manipulation when it comes from a drunk, and part of the alcoholics' national anthem. That and "Don't judge me."

If if true, why is this so?

It's all about control.