3 Month Thoughts
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
3 Month Thoughts
First hats off to my Sobermates, Renarde, FoolsGold, and anyone else on 8/27/13
Its been a long journey thus far.
In hindsight I always imagined going out with a bang, in terms of my drinking career. Its how I started it, so that would only be fitting. My last drink though was on an Air France flight with my family Vodka and 7UP. While I new I needed to quit at this time I did not think this was going to be my last.
The first month was hell. I initially stopped and was only going to quit for 14 days due to a big party in Singapore that I had coming up at F1. However, I did not think I was an alcoholic either.
I chose to take Anetbuse 500mg on the second day and that would be the last that I take. I read the label and knew it stayed in my system for 14 days. I detoxed that first week and could not sleep - it was hell. I realized I had become physically dependent to some degree to alcohol and this helped me reach out to some wise people for help. This got me in the doors of AA on my 6th or 7th day sober. It felt like a relief to admit to being an alcoholic but I am not sure in hindsight if I really meant it - that would come later.
Thinking somewhat clearly now, I decided to tell everyone around me, friends and family of my disease. My thought process was to change my future, so I needed to change the variables. So I made it difficult to go back to my old ways and make sure I was accountable to others should I break my pledge to myself. Perhaps I told too many but its helped keep me sober and its who I am.
I found a sponsor - and I used him and his sponsors tirelessly in this first month. Still use them but in different ways. Europe and Asia, particularly Singapore was gut wrenching but useful. I has my spiritual awakening there but in hindsight, I am not sure if I willed this because I wanted so badly for everything to be okay so I may have seen what I wanted to see. But I learned I had changed and no longer wanted to try and live the life I lived sober now. Going to clubs was not fun sober and I realized the path I was previously heading and person I had become was drastically different then what I wanted or imagined. I was homesick but grateful to have been away too during this time. This was powerful and broke me down to my core when I asked God for help, alone in a hotel room, stone cold sober.
If the first month was about getting and staying sober, the second was about starting the process of recovery and the two are very different. I liken month two to getting kicked in the balls, except it was not my balls, it was my ego getting hit. The pink cloud had worn from month one, there were no white light experiences just normal life and starting to understand my role in my life and cleaning up messes unattended. This was expensive, deflating but probably just what the doctor ordered. My pride was gone, ego deflated and I began the climb a day at a time with the help of others.
Month three was more enlightening. The urges were gone now, although the thoughts still come around drinking. I am becoming more aware of myself. My program consists of AA meetings 2x, step work 2x, and therapy once a week. I had accepted a higher power and powerlessness and unmanageability. I was beginning to take moral inventory but questioned step one in the process too - a bit of Chutes and Ladders. I had knee surgery and had to deal with the pain management without affecting my sobriety. I viewed this as a big moment and feel like I made it through well and grew tremendously - I ended up throwing out all but 2 1/2 pain pills, which I took but did not abuse and did not get high.
I realized I am more of an addict and identify with the characteristics associated. My brain developed this way and I am different than normal (if there is a word) people. I am questioning and pushing back on AA when I don’t agree with something and I feel good about this. I am reading Rational Recovery Books and meditating and trying to learn as much as possible about myself. I am not making any major changes but things are feeling real. I turned down my 90 day chip from my sponsor this past weekend. I said I only want a 1 yr medallion. I now realize the error in this logic...I am going to collect 90 day this weekend from him bc I realize this thought process is the very core of my ego and problem to be different and better. I take comfort in catching this now, as I would not have in the past.
I have fallen back in love with my wife. I have not lost much weight though because my eating has been out of control - one addiction for another, right? I start next week on my new training regimen that will keep caloric intake to 2K and have hired a new trainer and excited to get back in the pool when my sutures heal. I sleep soundly and feel rested. I have improved at work and am operating at a very high level again. Hobbies that were once usurped by drinking and partying are returning - skiing, tennis (once the knee is better), biking, swimming and I may buy another race car to start racing again.
As we approach Thanksgiving here in the US and as I hit a milestone, I wanted to thank those who have helped me change my life by commenting and challenging my posts. You have all been part of this journey and I am so very grateful to have my life back.
To those starting this process, I liken it to being a parent. Its the greatest gift but the work is hard. However, with hard work will come dividends that are greater than you can imagine and I am only on month 3.
Its been a long journey thus far.
In hindsight I always imagined going out with a bang, in terms of my drinking career. Its how I started it, so that would only be fitting. My last drink though was on an Air France flight with my family Vodka and 7UP. While I new I needed to quit at this time I did not think this was going to be my last.
The first month was hell. I initially stopped and was only going to quit for 14 days due to a big party in Singapore that I had coming up at F1. However, I did not think I was an alcoholic either.
I chose to take Anetbuse 500mg on the second day and that would be the last that I take. I read the label and knew it stayed in my system for 14 days. I detoxed that first week and could not sleep - it was hell. I realized I had become physically dependent to some degree to alcohol and this helped me reach out to some wise people for help. This got me in the doors of AA on my 6th or 7th day sober. It felt like a relief to admit to being an alcoholic but I am not sure in hindsight if I really meant it - that would come later.
Thinking somewhat clearly now, I decided to tell everyone around me, friends and family of my disease. My thought process was to change my future, so I needed to change the variables. So I made it difficult to go back to my old ways and make sure I was accountable to others should I break my pledge to myself. Perhaps I told too many but its helped keep me sober and its who I am.
I found a sponsor - and I used him and his sponsors tirelessly in this first month. Still use them but in different ways. Europe and Asia, particularly Singapore was gut wrenching but useful. I has my spiritual awakening there but in hindsight, I am not sure if I willed this because I wanted so badly for everything to be okay so I may have seen what I wanted to see. But I learned I had changed and no longer wanted to try and live the life I lived sober now. Going to clubs was not fun sober and I realized the path I was previously heading and person I had become was drastically different then what I wanted or imagined. I was homesick but grateful to have been away too during this time. This was powerful and broke me down to my core when I asked God for help, alone in a hotel room, stone cold sober.
If the first month was about getting and staying sober, the second was about starting the process of recovery and the two are very different. I liken month two to getting kicked in the balls, except it was not my balls, it was my ego getting hit. The pink cloud had worn from month one, there were no white light experiences just normal life and starting to understand my role in my life and cleaning up messes unattended. This was expensive, deflating but probably just what the doctor ordered. My pride was gone, ego deflated and I began the climb a day at a time with the help of others.
Month three was more enlightening. The urges were gone now, although the thoughts still come around drinking. I am becoming more aware of myself. My program consists of AA meetings 2x, step work 2x, and therapy once a week. I had accepted a higher power and powerlessness and unmanageability. I was beginning to take moral inventory but questioned step one in the process too - a bit of Chutes and Ladders. I had knee surgery and had to deal with the pain management without affecting my sobriety. I viewed this as a big moment and feel like I made it through well and grew tremendously - I ended up throwing out all but 2 1/2 pain pills, which I took but did not abuse and did not get high.
I realized I am more of an addict and identify with the characteristics associated. My brain developed this way and I am different than normal (if there is a word) people. I am questioning and pushing back on AA when I don’t agree with something and I feel good about this. I am reading Rational Recovery Books and meditating and trying to learn as much as possible about myself. I am not making any major changes but things are feeling real. I turned down my 90 day chip from my sponsor this past weekend. I said I only want a 1 yr medallion. I now realize the error in this logic...I am going to collect 90 day this weekend from him bc I realize this thought process is the very core of my ego and problem to be different and better. I take comfort in catching this now, as I would not have in the past.
I have fallen back in love with my wife. I have not lost much weight though because my eating has been out of control - one addiction for another, right? I start next week on my new training regimen that will keep caloric intake to 2K and have hired a new trainer and excited to get back in the pool when my sutures heal. I sleep soundly and feel rested. I have improved at work and am operating at a very high level again. Hobbies that were once usurped by drinking and partying are returning - skiing, tennis (once the knee is better), biking, swimming and I may buy another race car to start racing again.
As we approach Thanksgiving here in the US and as I hit a milestone, I wanted to thank those who have helped me change my life by commenting and challenging my posts. You have all been part of this journey and I am so very grateful to have my life back.
To those starting this process, I liken it to being a parent. Its the greatest gift but the work is hard. However, with hard work will come dividends that are greater than you can imagine and I am only on month 3.
congrats on three months!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Thanks for sharing jdooner
Sounds like the journey is just beginning.
Glad to hear it is working out so well with your wife too--
I recall you were worried because she didn't want to stop drinking.
Any secrets you'd care to share about how to encourage that?
I wish my husband would stop but know he has to choose it.
Happy 3 months!
Sounds like the journey is just beginning.
Glad to hear it is working out so well with your wife too--
I recall you were worried because she didn't want to stop drinking.
Any secrets you'd care to share about how to encourage that?
I wish my husband would stop but know he has to choose it.
Happy 3 months!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
Thanks for sharing jdooner
Sounds like the journey is just beginning.
Glad to hear it is working out so well with your wife too--
I recall you were worried because she didn't want to stop drinking.
Any secrets you'd care to share about how to encourage that?
I wish my husband would stop but know he has to choose it.
Happy 3 months!
Sounds like the journey is just beginning.
Glad to hear it is working out so well with your wife too--
I recall you were worried because she didn't want to stop drinking.
Any secrets you'd care to share about how to encourage that?
I wish my husband would stop but know he has to choose it.
Happy 3 months!
I also forgave her and came clean about my transgressions. So we made mistakes in the past and were starting off on solid bedrock to build this new foundation. We have both embraced a sober lifestyle but very differently - I am in AA an get addicted to my addictions whereas she does things her way which is not as open. She does get curious about things I am reading or my therapy and I tall her. Its working for us.
If she was not an alcoholic this process would be different. I would be fine with her drinking and me being sober. The issue in my case was I knew how the movie would end if either of us were actively drinking, which is why sobriety was so important. Honestly we are enjoying each other in all aspects much more now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 327
Congratulations and thanks so much for sharing your story.
WOW! Good for you on the pain-meds... I especially view your choice to pass on the pain meds as an incredible achievement and one that I don't know how I would react if given an opportunity to take them if a doctor prescribed to me. It would be soooo tempting for me. Good on you! Stay strong and all the best.
WOW! Good for you on the pain-meds... I especially view your choice to pass on the pain meds as an incredible achievement and one that I don't know how I would react if given an opportunity to take them if a doctor prescribed to me. It would be soooo tempting for me. Good on you! Stay strong and all the best.
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