8th night
8th night
I made it a week. I won't lie and say it has been easy. The first few days were pretty bad. I was dehydrated and haven't eaten well in years. Sad, lonely, not sure what to do with myself and my time. The people who just knew me in my hung over state, not knowing I drank... now they don't know me. Some think I have lost my mind, or hate them. The people who I did drink with have lost me. In both cases I am having to learn how to relate to them again, and meet new people <-- this will take a while.
I have a long road to go. But I am on the road and not laying in the ditch thinking and wishing I was on the road. It may be a bumpy road, it may sometimes not even look like a road, but I am here.
I am where my drunk self wanted to be, and that is all I can ask for at this stage. It is a fight, mainly on my way home from work. if nothing else I have hope. I have a chance. The only thing that can take this away is if I have one single beer no matter what I may think otherwise.
The times I tried to stop before I didn't have this site, or even think I needed it. Thank you all for sharing and the support. I know I will need it for years to come, and I will do my best to carry you when I can.
When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl - when you can't do that... You find someone to carry you.
I have a long road to go. But I am on the road and not laying in the ditch thinking and wishing I was on the road. It may be a bumpy road, it may sometimes not even look like a road, but I am here.
I am where my drunk self wanted to be, and that is all I can ask for at this stage. It is a fight, mainly on my way home from work. if nothing else I have hope. I have a chance. The only thing that can take this away is if I have one single beer no matter what I may think otherwise.
The times I tried to stop before I didn't have this site, or even think I needed it. Thank you all for sharing and the support. I know I will need it for years to come, and I will do my best to carry you when I can.
When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl - when you can't do that... You find someone to carry you.
Yeah, congrats on your week, Mikie9. I feel like we're navigating these waters together, for sure. It seems like every time you post, there is something that I could have written. This time, you mention people who only knew you in your hungover state. I was having these same thoughts today at work, I swear. And to take it a step further, I was wondering about myself. I've been doing my job for about 13.5 years, and I realized that I've been working hungover almost the entire time. I actually started getting a bit freaked out--working sober is totally new.
But like you said, it will take a while--and I'm fine with "a while," much better than the way it was.
Congrats again on your week, bud. Let's start working on the next one!
But like you said, it will take a while--and I'm fine with "a while," much better than the way it was.
Congrats again on your week, bud. Let's start working on the next one!
Thanks for the support guys. today was a very rough day, and I am basicly sitting at home watching tv trying to distract myslef. I am bored and this is my trigger time. I am not doing anything anyways, why not catch a buzz and atleast "feel" happy?
Why? because I read what I wrote the last night drunk. this isn't so bad. Boring yes. Depressing yes. Put a bullet in my head? no, it isn't that bad.
I have four days off from work, away from those who push my drinking button. I do have to go back Monday, but I will be even stronger than I was today. Some things really suck about this change in my life, really. But I see the goal, I see the prize at the end of it all. It isn't anything special, it is just me. ME. I haven't had me around in so long.
He is here tho, and getting more and more pissed off at the AV. More and more annoyed at how I have spent the last 20 yrs.
I am here, just waiting to get out, and we will, just takes some patience.
Why? because I read what I wrote the last night drunk. this isn't so bad. Boring yes. Depressing yes. Put a bullet in my head? no, it isn't that bad.
I have four days off from work, away from those who push my drinking button. I do have to go back Monday, but I will be even stronger than I was today. Some things really suck about this change in my life, really. But I see the goal, I see the prize at the end of it all. It isn't anything special, it is just me. ME. I haven't had me around in so long.
He is here tho, and getting more and more pissed off at the AV. More and more annoyed at how I have spent the last 20 yrs.
I am here, just waiting to get out, and we will, just takes some patience.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)