thatslife

ive been clean about a month or so, and i have realized even more that i cant continue to live with my parents. i want to move out but dont have the money to do so, i can stay with my friend but i dont know how that will work... what do you guys suggest?

thatslife

i just need to get out as soon as possible my parents are my biggest trigger

Gilmer

Have you had a tradition of drinking with your friend?

Dee74

That was my question too - will crashing at your friends place mean more triggers or less?

D

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you don't have much of a choice. Have you considered talking with them about whatever it is that's "triggering" you to drink? If you have been clean for a month you've somehow figured it out for that period of time at least.

thatslife

he doesnt do drugs/drink as far as i know, i just know that i have no support here and the only time they care is when i mess up and they say "i told you so, i knew you couldnt do it"

Skye2

If you moved out to be with your friend, could you move back if things didn't work out?
Sometimes you just need to try things especially if the alternative is grinding you down
At least it would give you some breathing space - you might even decide that your parents place isn't so bad once you've had time to think a little?

hopeful4

Is your friend a user? If so that is not going to work very well for you. Before you leave the comfort of your family, make sure you can have a roof over your head and have some sort of support for yourself. Do you have a job? If you cannot move out yet, and you want to do so for the right reasons, I suggest you try to detatch from them as much as possible. Have you told them they are triggering you and why?

However, do recognize they have opened their home to you and I am sure have some expectations of you that you will have to fulfill.

Congrats on your 1 month sober...I hope you continue on this journey!

thatslife

and even now if i try to talk about sobriety all i hear is "you wont do this, you wont do that" i wish i had just a little positivity

thatslife

yeah i understand about the opening of their house to me, but its just grinding me down i guess

Dee74

A lot of us had to get sober in situations that were less than ideal tho.
Regardless of whether you move out or not, why not add more positive support?

where do you stand on joining a recovery group?

D

hopeful4

Coming from the other side of the fence (husband is an alcoholic) I understand their doubt. Let me translate it for you. It is fear. They are scared for you and for themselves and trying not to get their hopes up.

That being said...please be honest with them! Let them know you are proud of your 30 days and are trying to do this for you and that you really really need their encouragement, not a rub in the face for the past.

It will be hard for both of you but if you open up the communication it will help! Not sure what you are doing for you (working a program, AA whatever)? Maybe you could invite them to an alanon or celebrate recovery meeting? As a codependent it helped me understand things so much and got me some support for me!

Good luck and Congrats Again!

Thepatman

Maybe if you have enough sober time your situation won't seem so bad. Sometimes baby steps is what we need.

Mirage74

I hear ya, family can be hard to deal with. If you can't move in with your friend, see if he can at least help you make a plan for a change.