Notices

setting an example

Old 11-26-2013, 01:52 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Palmerston North, New Zealand
Posts: 18
Talking setting an example

One of the many tests that I face as a 4 year dry alcoholic that was a drinker for 35 years and I would call me a binge drinker...is keeping my children from going down the path they lived with me as a drinking alcoholic...it rips my undies to see my 20 year old daughter drink and my 14 year old boy has been caught drinking too...in order to moderate my daughter I have to continually mentor her with memoirs of my drinking and remind her it is a disease...lectures never get adhered to so I just point out the damage it did me and she has my genes so think about how much of a hold it can have on your state of mind always remember daughter, I would say, I too thought I was superior to the alcohol, when in actual fact being from alcoholic genes myself hun I was powerless to it...my son has said he isn't going down that path but its hard to say no to his friends who all seem to be from dysfunctional families, and I say to him don't allow it to rule son remember moderation the drinks with friends can be all good so long as you are drinking to moderation and not TO GET DRUNK...that actually is a bad sign...how can you have a good time being paraletic and incoherent...and girls don't want to get with drunks ,girls that are worthwhile are not into constant and continually drunk boyfriends. I do not mean to put down any drinkers as I know there are reasons and issues behind every drinkers reasons for drinking...facing the real issues is what your triggers are and what makes you drink in the first instance...my kids mean the world to me I would feel so bad to find alcohol takes hold of their lives like it did mine...I can but hope that my strength is able to be seen as a way for them too.I worry and it is because I know just when you thought you had a handle on it it kicks you in the face and say's sucker don't you know you are powerless to me...I will not be disempowered ever again in my life especially by Alcohol...my old friends would stare at me with confused angry faces when attending their birthdays,engagements,weddings...why wont you have a drink just one wont hurt come on WTF have a drink with us to celebrate....my NO you don't understand I am allergic to alcohol...I cannot have just one I will start and I will not stop till all your alcohol is finished and then I will search for more...I cannot drink with you I am sorry I am happy to have a fizzy drink or a coffee but don't keep asking me as I will not have that one drink because it will be my death to do so and I want to live I want to see my grandchildren grow up I want to hear their voices when they ask nanny a question I do not want to be DRUNK ever again...I am sorry if I offend you in not drinking but I care and love the person I am today so please enjoy your night and I will enjoy watching you do so.
melody196365 is offline  
Old 11-26-2013, 02:04 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nottingham (UK)
Posts: 2,690
Is your daughter abusing alcohol or is it that you just don't like her drinking at all?
The problem with her age group, is that the more you tell them not to do something, the more they dig their heels in.
Skye2 is offline  
Old 11-26-2013, 02:05 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tabbj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: My Toes In The Sand in Central PA
Posts: 73
I hear you all the way daughter is 25 she drinks on rare occasions, I worry about her she has mine and her dads genes. my drunkenness she has seen all out her dads well she never met her dad left him after a bad beating while drunk. also have a son who is 12 been sober maybe half his life he also has seen my drunkard. I am scared to death for them want them to have a good life I try not to preach to much it falls on deaf ears at times !!!
Tabbj is offline  
Old 11-26-2013, 02:10 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
My humble opinion, is that maybe it's not in the genes. Maybe they will be able to control their drinking. It can be fun in moderation, some people can drink occasionally. But I see where you come from, I have a son, hope he finds a different path then me.
Thepatman is offline  
Old 11-26-2013, 02:16 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It's a bit of a dilemma . . . I had 1 parent who was an alcoholic and 1 parent that was teetotal, in the end that marriage predictably ended in divorce, but anyways I ended up having a drink problem and my other sibling became an accomplished "moderate" drinker.

I am now convinced that there's no hard and fast rule to these things, both myself and sibling both had wild teenage years, but then ended up differently in later life, why was this? probably like every disease, some have it and some don't, as mentioned above some may have the necessary genes to lead to an addiction!

Which leads to a disturbing question, on that basis, does example have anything to do with it in the first place, if both my parents were teetotal would I have still become an alcoholic?? . . . food for thought, I doubt i'd probably still be here, chatting to all you guys!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 11-26-2013, 03:00 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
EDIT: Just re-read my last post . . . to clarify I think I would still be an alcoholic, no matter the circumstances growing up!! . . . that wasn't too clear from my last sentence!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 11-26-2013, 04:22 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Palmerston North, New Zealand
Posts: 18
oh thank you for your posts Skye2,Tabbj, Purpleknight, Yes I am fearful that my children do not heed what they have seen in their mothers behaviour as they grew up and yes I feel helpless with my ,seemingly never ending lectures, kids. I see their eyes roll and their but I'm not you mum....!....and yet to have them see their is some credence in the gene thing its not all I see...I see more than that I hear more than that...I see that my girl is increasing her consumption and warning bells go off for me...I hear my son say at age 13 HE got rotten drunk...All signs I do not want to ignore all signs I refused to see as stepping stones to the wrong reasons to drink. Social stigma is to get drunk in their age group...not have a quiet few drinks with friends but to get drunk....my daughter triggers my alarm bells when she says I need more than 2 or 3 ..8% drinks to get a shine on and then I am ok...and I see the face when I say....Your tolerance is increasing hun...After time it will get higher and higher...don't you remember I could drink and be the last one standing and still continue on through another day and another day and another day....please see the signs that you are drinking way more than your body can cope with and discard from your body...when your tolerance increases you are in danger of becoming dependant on alcohol although you cannot see it now I just can not sit by and watch with how you are drinking slow it down moderate yourself you are worrying me....half the time folks I feel neurotic and over the top but I feel I must watch their methods in case that addictive nature grabs them without them realising its taken hold of them...it is my job as a parent to look out for my children and I know many mistakes have to be made for them to realise the downfalls so a lot of the time I bite my tongue and just give that eyebrow raise and that mum look when I know speaking will not be heard and my girl has a little laugh and says yes mum I'm not overinduldging...my son he listens but at the time he makes out he doesn't want me to go on about it but in 3 months without associating with his friends he's been sober and has had one or two drinks under supervision with his sister...as I said to them if one is to learn moderation it is best done here around me so I can monitor them and they seem good with the idea mum is watching.
melody196365 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:36 PM.