Bertwash1

Hey Everyone! Been a long time since I have signed in but I wanted some opinions from those who have probably gone through something like this.

Long story short, My AW and I had a baby boy a month ago, very healthy and big. Just had the monthly checkup and he gained 5 pounds in one month and grew 2 inches. He now weighs 14.5 Lbs ans is 23.5 inches. I am a proud poppa!

Well after the child was born has been a difficult time with the AW. She is very excited and joyous about the child but I on the other hand can do no right. I try but it doesn't seem to be enough.

Well things came to a cresendo on Saturday night. It is deer hunting season here and it has been a tradition for AW to hunt and then go out with sister and drink. Last year was another episode that ended up with her destroying a few flower pots outside the house and calling the cops on me. When they came she was arrested for disorderly conduct and taken away in cuffs. Of couse this was all my fault.

Now this year on Saturday we are going to dinner with the baby to meet her sister for dinner. On the way AW says to me in the car, "I am going to have a beer at dinner." I was shocked and a flood of memories and emotions hit square in the heart. I could only manage to say, "You are an adult and that is your decision. I don't want to stay our all night." Well the rest of the evening was ok. She did just drink pop so that was good.

I am paying for it know though. I am the worst person ever for making her feel bad for what I said Saturday night and not helping out enough with the baby. AW has been sober through the entire pregnancy. I tried to take the baby saturday night when she asked me, but when I held him I wasn't doing it right so she took him back and she took care of him.

I guess this was probably my biggest fear that we go through the pregnancy and have the baby and then wham back to drinking again for her.

I want to not overreact about the situation but just to many memories coming back.

Thanks for reading.

Bert

hopeful4

Bert...Congrats on your new baby. There is nothing as special as bringing a child into this world.

That being said, I hope you are in a place to protect that precious baby? It sounds like she is using the baby as a sort of bargaining chip and also to keep some distance from you...I am guess but it sounds that way to me.

If the police are being called and she is being arrested there is clearly a big problem. That being said, you cannot control her. She is going to do what she will do. You have to work on you and how you plan to react. You need to have a plan in place to protect your child. Is she there w/him alone? If she is and is drinking that is very alarming. The best thing you can do for your child is to advocate for him and make sure he is safe! You are not overreacting here.

I hope you are able to see this for what it is and get some support for YOU! And I advise you to document, document, document so if there ever comes a time you need to fight for your baby you are prepared to do so. I am sorry to say that, I am sure that is not what you want to hear, but be prepared just in case. If you don't have to...great. If so, you have it covered.

Good Luck and God Bless! Keep posting...you are not alone in this!

FireSprite

Bert - It doesn't sound to me like you are overreacting, but you definitely sound AWARE and that is a really great thing. Her past alcohol abuse is real, not some judgement that you are making about her. You already know that you can't control her drinking if that's what she decides she wants to do, so having a Plan B for baby makes a lot of sense to me. Hopefully in her post-partum state of exhaustion & hormones she's just trying to figure out to navigate this stage herself - perhaps she didn't account for the cravings or old habits to be so tempting after staying sober throughout her pregnancy.

Best of luck to you!!

Hammer

I will Katniss / BoxinRotz handle THIS one.

FireSprite

She's the first member I thought of too!

BoxinRotz

Love me some deer season! Took my vacation for the second week of rifle. Have to say though that Archery, 20ft in a tree, is where my heart pounds the most! It says.... C'mere deer! Ahhhhhhh

Sounds to me that whether you agreed or disagreed with your wife to have a beer at dinner, you'd still be WRONG! She's still got some work to do on herself.

As far as her stomping on your toes over the little one, I'd tell her this... This is my child too and I love him very much and I'm going to bond with him... now go hunt! Er... whatever. Because I don't need told twice to hit the woods!

Congrats on your precious little one!

BoxinRotz

And a P.S...

She does know it's illegal to hunt under the influence right? Not only is it against the law, it's dangerous to her fellow hunters and unethical to aim a firearm and attempt to take wild game while under said influence.

Im all for sportsmanship and sharing the love of hunting BUT!!! If she was known to be in my woods drunk, I'd call the PGC on her as I've got the number on speed dial. We owe it to our game to be on top of our game and not under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Bertwash1

Thanks much for the comments and suggestions.

She has not been in the woods drunk this year.

I too prefer bowhunting to gun BOXINRUT. Had quite a rush this year of a black bear coming to within 20 yds. Got the heart beating.

We will see how this week goes. I am hoping for the best and I hope we can talk about it. Although we never seem to talk about much. I just get emails from her when I am at work and she is at home. I asked her about this situation on Sunday night I go the silent treatment. I treat the silent treatment as a vacation. Probably not the best to do but it keeps me sane.

BoxinRotz

Sometimes vacation time means more me time in the tree time!

My husband told me 3 weeks into Archery... you have a problem. I said, You're right! Here... hold this leg for me! Bhahahaaa

I had a great archery season. Rattled in 2 bucks. Shot a doe. Screwed my last evening hunt of 2013 up by moving at last light... just a blast all around!

Hi, my name is Boxy n I am an Archery Addict! I don't want intervention unless you're going to help me drag!!!

m1k3

Bert, congrats on the baby! One thing to keep in mind, your wife is going through major hormone changes right now. I have no idea if this lessons or increasing the chance of drinking but a lot of her behavior is normal for post pregnancy.

So keep up the detachment and be patient. This too shall pass.

Your friend,

Bertwash1

I love my tree therapy.
I shot my first buck this year, six pointer. This is my third year bow hunting and I am hooked for good. Can't beat the rush of getting deer to come in and watch them.
This year, I had a bear come in, Coyote, deer, and raccoon. Not to mention the countless squirrels and birds. Had a bird land on my head this year.

I am waiting for gun season to end so I can back to bow hunting. We can bow hunt in WI until first weekend in Jan.

Thanks for the comments and Good Luck the rest of the year.

I have no problem dragging or gutting.

BoxinRotz

Our season ended on the 16 of November n picks up the day after Christmas til January 11th.

Tree therapy is so much better than sitting in front of someone's desk pouring your heart out to a stranger and being billed for it. I'd rather buy new gear n be able to use it the next time I go for therapy!

Florence

I agree -- this kind of "I parent better than you parent" competition is normal between new couples/parents. Be firm but insistent that you want time with the baby and to parent him in your own way without her interference. And short of one of you hurting the baby or making a dangerous decision -- which does not sound like the case here -- you should be able to have your own relationship with him.

That said, make sure you're up to date on all the latest baby information -- read all the books and the websites, recommendations change all the time. My AH made a lot of cavalier mistakes and errors with DD2 when she was very small that amounted to him not being malicious, but just being ignorant about the dos and don'ts and not being concerned about the details. It made me nuts -- but it was normal and not related to his disease.

THAT had other consequences.

If you're not in counseling to have a safe, neutral place to talk about this stuff, now might be a good time.

Hammer

They seem to let crazy people hunt. Just saying.

Heard about the Blind Hunters' Rights groups?

Sponsored by the Deer Lobby from what I follow.

I am off to get the Traditional Tofurkey for our Holiday Meal.

robgt350

Bert.

i dont go hunting. i did once and bagged me sore feet and a cold. so gave it up
but i do ride dirt bikes and have my annual riding days and i do drink when i go. yea dangerous but no more different that hunting and drinking.
but as for your wife thinking that you cant do nothing right for the baby. i think this stems from alot of regrets prior to her drinking. in her mind she was to do good for her baby so she takes extra steps to protect your baby thinking she can make up for the past. i guess you can call it mental compensation for past errors/mistakes.

but with all due respect, if she drinks irresponsibly i would step up and protect your son. if she breast feeds, and alcohol does and will pass though the mammary membranes into her breast milk and pass the alcohol into your son if he breast feeds.
but congratulations on your baby boy! some day he can go hunting with you.