Hope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 426
Hope
Hi all! I am feeling really weird about posting in a forum. . . never done this before. I have had a drinking problem since I was about 18 years old when I look back. I am 41. I have never truly committed to the fact that I am an alcoholic. Two years ago, I quit drinking for an entire year!! To me, that proved I did not have a drinking problem. I started back only drinking a little here and there. I don't drink all day, I don't drink everyday . . . but I am always thinking about when I can HAVE a drink. I am always thinking about grabbing that weekend bottle of wine. Well, this weekend was a turning point. I haven't been drinking much (well, not much for me). Just a few on the weekends. This weekend, my husband and I went out and I had 3 glasses of wine. Came home, and had a few more. I am not sure what happened, but I got so sick from those "few" glasses of wine that I went upstairs to the bathroom . . . passed out . . . vomited ALL over the place . . . all over myself . . . so ashamed. I have two children. One of them ALMOST came in the bathroom and would have seen a terrible sight. Thankfully, my husband came in before they could. He has saved them a few times from seeing things they would not be able to forget. I have realized that I can't "shut off" my drinking once it starts. I am so mad at myself, because I WANT to be able to drink like "normal" people, but I know that I can't. I worry myself, because I don't want to start that thought process again of "hey I can handle it" . . . and the holidays are coming up! What a terrible time to begin sobriety!!! Anyway, just wanted to post and share with someone who may be in a similar situation.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
Welcome newme2day,
These forums are a great place, I think you'll like them. Over the past few months before I quit drinking, I would only usually drink on weekends as well, but I found myself (as you mentioned) often (constantly) thinking about the next time I could drink. I think this is an addiction issue, for sure. It shows you have to restrain yourself from losing control, and the sheer act of having to restrain yourself may mean you have an issue with alcohol. I know for sure it means that I have an issue. Just because I was able to control my drinking to only drinking on weekends for a few months is irrelevant; I would think about it constantly. Now that I have stopped, albeit for only 10 days now, I no longer feel like I will be drinking on weekends and it will relieve some stress. Good luck to you!
These forums are a great place, I think you'll like them. Over the past few months before I quit drinking, I would only usually drink on weekends as well, but I found myself (as you mentioned) often (constantly) thinking about the next time I could drink. I think this is an addiction issue, for sure. It shows you have to restrain yourself from losing control, and the sheer act of having to restrain yourself may mean you have an issue with alcohol. I know for sure it means that I have an issue. Just because I was able to control my drinking to only drinking on weekends for a few months is irrelevant; I would think about it constantly. Now that I have stopped, albeit for only 10 days now, I no longer feel like I will be drinking on weekends and it will relieve some stress. Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Welcome Newme. This can be a wonderful change in your life and all we had to do is NOT DRINK TODAY. Helping that profound finding we found it very helpful to be honest with ourselves about our drinking. I didn't like the word alcoholic, because I wasn't "that bad" so it was suggested to think of the fact I have an allergy to alcohol and that I can not drink in safety.
This forum is very helpful along with AA to guide us to inner peace we've been seeking from drinking.
KEEP COMING AND BE WELL
This forum is very helpful along with AA to guide us to inner peace we've been seeking from drinking.
KEEP COMING AND BE WELL
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
The mental obsession is a huge thing for me. It will be the first thought when I wake up and will run throughout the day and every decision. I think it is one part that normies just don't get.
I also drank from my mid teens to my mid 40s. It got different, but never better. Lots of support here.
I also drank from my mid teens to my mid 40s. It got different, but never better. Lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 158
The mental obsession can be a grind. It may end up the only facet of alcoholism that manifests in you, but quite strong by itself as a deterrent to sobriety. I found that by creating a ultimatum or barrier for myself, the obsessiveness subsided and I don't thirst for it like I used to. Perhaps once you declare to yourself an ultimatum to stop using it, your own obsession will dissipate.
to SR! I hope we can help you stop drinking for good. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 8
Welcome! I'm just starting to work on ny sobriety (again) after this weekend, because I seem to have missed the weekend completely, with the exception of ill advised Thanksgiving grocery shopping. I'm nervous about doing this right at the holidays too, but I'm reminding myself that if I'm sober I won't miss out on any of the good memories I plan to make. We can do this!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Welcome. The broken "off" switch and constantly thinking about alcohol will be familiar to most of us.
The torment got to me in the end- living sober is better once you get the knack- the best thing is more peace of mind.
The torment got to me in the end- living sober is better once you get the knack- the best thing is more peace of mind.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome newme2day 
I think most of us can relate to having no off switch...yet most of us want to be normal drinkers.
For me I had to accept that wasn't possible.
As terrible as a teetotal life might seem to you know, I prefer it - I'm no longer enslaved by my addiction, I'm the real me, and I can look myself in the face in the mirror and not be ashamed.
When those thoughts come of drinking again, post here - read this thread - maybe even join the Class of November thread - it's for everyone quitting this month, and is a great support
You'll find hope here newme - I did
D
I think most of us can relate to having no off switch...yet most of us want to be normal drinkers.
For me I had to accept that wasn't possible.
As terrible as a teetotal life might seem to you know, I prefer it - I'm no longer enslaved by my addiction, I'm the real me, and I can look myself in the face in the mirror and not be ashamed.
When those thoughts come of drinking again, post here - read this thread - maybe even join the Class of November thread - it's for everyone quitting this month, and is a great support
You'll find hope here newme - I did
D
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Yes, that sounds horribly familiar to me! I agree wholeheartedly with MIRecovery, it is sooo much easier to quit altogether than to try to moderate (but you already know that because you've had a year alcohol-free). One of the best things about giving up drinking for me has been the freedom I feel. I'm no longer obsessing about the next glass or bottle or how fast I'm drinking etc etc. I'm free to enjoy the moment and the company and be confident of remaining (pretty much) dignified for the duration!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 426
Thank you all for your support. It is so awesome to know that I can come here each day and find others fighting this same battle. I really want to live a sober life but it is going to be hard. I am ashamed to say that drinking was something I looked forward to. Without it, what do I do? Thats what I have to figure out.
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