lsb

I have social anxiety.

I wish I never drank. I wish I never got trashed. I wish I didn't use that as a coping mechanism.

I know it is probably a common thing. But, for me, I think it made me stop trying. Or, it made me forget about life. Like, I was not happy....and I would drink...but I really should have been thinking of things to make me happy.

But that is a hard thing to do. Or really, I should not have been so hard on myself I guess. It was difficult for me to find a job after college. I found one after a couple months but it didnt work out. I had to quit. Then I found another one and it was bad. I stayed three years. It killed my self esteem. And then I got laid off.

I then was unemployed for two years until I found the job I am at now. And I like it and I am doing good at it.

But...now I am feeling the hurt in the other aspects of my life. Like, I lost my friends. But I use to drink with them, so that probably is not a bad thing really. I dunno.

Then, I have barely dated. My longest relationship has been 6 months and he was not good for me. And that was four years ago. I am 30 now.

I dont know if this is something I should be worrying about. Being with someone. Is that something I should worry about? Or should I just be happy with what I have now? I have my mom, dad, brother and my job.

least

Rather than worry about being in a relationship I'd work on my recovery until I was stronger in my sobriety. You have lots of time for relationships so strengthen your sobriety before you get into one.

ImperfectlyMe

Agreed with least to start a relationship while you haven't any self love will not serve you well. Trying to find "things" that make us happy is like chasing Alice's white rabbit. True happiness can only come from a mind and body at peace. Step one to getting there is living a sober balanced life. If I can do this you can do this

Welcome!!!

Dee74

Most of us have a whole raft of other problems that we started to drink over. I know I did - I also suffer from social anxiety.

I thought drinking helped - but it made it worse because apart from all the other things that made me anxious, now not drinking made me anxious too...and the after drinking I got anxious...by the end I was anxious while I was drinking....

The only way I could get to the point of being able to deal with my problems was to stop drinking - even when I wasn't actively drinking my head was all fouled up, and my anxieties and fears crippled me.

It took me a few months of sobriety before I could look at those things and work out, with a clear head, what I could do about them.

You can do it too lsb, trust me
All you need is that initial leap of faith - scary sure, but you're not alone here

D

lsb

I am such a loser, its making me cry.

Gilmer

We're all losers. Look at it this way--at this point, there's nowhere to go but up! Don't beat yourself up. Put the alcohol away and you'll instantly improve--at first a little, then more and more. Hang around here--sometimes it's easier to interact with virtual people!

KateL

30! That is so young. I remember thinking I was nacient at 30. You have plenty of time to find someone.

KateL

No you're not. Silly sausage x

KateL

Oh yeah, I forgot, put me on the social anxiety list. I'm glad I just logged in, I have an appointment tomorrow for cognitive therapy. I almost forgot. I should get therapy for sieve brain syndrome

Nonsensical

You have nailed the reason addiction is so darn insidious. It masquerades as the solution, when it's really the problem!

Beat that addiction problem and you'll be amazed at how the other problems in your life start to fall right in line.

You can do this!

bemyself

Lots of 'shoulds' there, lsb. Notice how Dee used the words 'could'.....?? Something to ponder, eh?

x

Coldfusion

Alcoholics Anonymous actually promises the following results:

• If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
  
• We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
  
• We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
  
• We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
  
• No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
  
• That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
  
• We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
  
• Self-seeking will slip away.
  
• Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
  
• Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
  
• We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
  
• We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves

--AA Big Book, pp. 83-84

lsb

i feel like no ones cares. all anyone cares about is themselves.

ScottFromWI

Do you think there would be this many people replying to your threads if no one cared about you? Self pity is a dangerous thing, especially in early sobriety. Focus on your goals and the things you do have - build on it.

Joe Nerv

I had (still do at times) some serious social anxiety. Took me a long time to get comfortable in certain situations, and when I just got sober it was so bad I couldn't function at all. For a year all I did was go to meetings, therapy, group therapy... did a lot to get myself on a path much different than the one I was on. I was sick of that one, and it was crystal clear that what I was doing didn't work.

I think the social anxiety thing is common amoungst alcoholics. I think it's common amoungst human beings. That's what alcohol was pretty much invented for. That's at the top of the list of reasons I drank. When people go to clubs, weddings, dinners, parties... they drink. If and when I'm at any of these events feeling uncomfortable, I remind myself that I'm probably the only completely sober one there, and that half the people would be just as uncomfortable as me if they weren't drinking.

I function well now in just about any situation, even if uncomfortable, but that didn't happen on it's own, and it didn't happen overnight. If you want things to be different, you have to learn to do things differently. There is lots of help out there, lots of room for all of us to grow, and the only key to a different life IMO opinion is the 3 pronged key of honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. With those 3 things in our corner, I truly believe anything is possible.

Lots of stuff helped me along the way, but most of my direction came from AA and the 12 steps. Therapy helped, as did 100s of other things I did in addition to AA, but I feel that the guidance I got through the steps and program cleared the path for all other things I needed to experience and learn. There's a wonderful life on the flip side of addictions. Allow yourself that gift and start moving forward. And trust when I tell you that you aren't any worse off than I was at the start. In fact, I think I was actually in much more horrible shape. I'll spare you the details. Good luck.

CupofJoe

Count me in as one of the alcoholics who has social anxiety. It was definitely one of the (many) reasons I drank. I was like a scared, neurotic kitten when I got sober--terrified of people and just wanting to hide out underneath the bed...

Getting sober was the first step. I've been in tons of therapy, including cognitive/behavioral therapy specifically for social anxiety. It helped tremendously, but I also know I wouldn't have benefitted from any of the treatment if I'd still been drinking.

Please don't beat yourself up. Many people do care and there are many of us here who have been in your position. You can and will get better if you pursue it. I know you can.

Wishing you the best.

Gilmer

When you're drinking, problems tend to be magnified and we tend to be more self-absorbed in a morbid way. We don't even recognize it in ourselves. When your head is clearer you will be able to walk outside and appreciate the day and find little moments of joy. You will begin to recognize goodness in other people--the world won't seem so dark.

HeadLump

That is so, so true! You'll also start to feel compassion for others - and, importantly, for yourself, too

bigsombrero

I feel your pain. Social anxiety sufferer here. You'd never have known it during my drinking days, though. It was the magic elixir. I went from being a shy teen to a loud, life-of-the-party college guy and kept at it for 10 years after university. But the anxiety eventually got to me, I started to have severe panic attacks when I wasn't drinking, even found myself in the hospital once. My heartbeat was out of control, terrible shakes and just overall confusion. After the inevitable crash and burn, I didn't have alcohol to take the edge off.

In my case, I decided to start again from scratch. I looked waaay back and found that sober, shy teen I used to be. And I started building on that. That's who I really am, after all. And I'm only 1.5 years sober, but things are getting better. I'm no longer the life of the party - heck I rarely go to the party. But I'm living a simple, quiet life on my own terms. That's what the kid inside always wanted. I can do that now.

You will notice improvements as time goes on. But you'll never gain any progress if you slip, or keep drinking, or go back to the bottle. You'll start from square one again and feel just as lost as you do today. There will be good days, and plenty of bad ones. Just keep showing up to work, and start working on yourself. Dont' worry about dating or your career in 5 years. Work on today. And maybe you'll feel a little better. Build on that.

EndGameNYC

You're the best, Joe Nerv.