lilrdh

Well, I am new to the process of addiction recovery (as a spouse of an alcoholic), but I'm going to jump in both feet first!! I've been married 25 years and been dealing with my husband's addiction as it has increasingly gotten worse over the last few years. In a nutshell, three months ago he finally cracked, quit his job, and left me, his son, and his home to go back to his family in another state. It took six weeks, but he has found a psychologist that he sees 3-4 times a month, and 3-4 AA meetings a week. I thought things were getting better until a few nights ago when something triggered him into his old behaviors (and he's back to blaming & accusing me). It brought back memories of a very dysfunctional time. I know he wants to come home, and I miss him as well, but I am extremely reluctant to invite the dysfunction back into our lives (it was pretty bad) ... I have adjusted and enjoy the stability I have found with him gone. Please don't misunderstand, I can't wait to have him home as soon as he is sober and well. I spoke with his doctor (I am invited to be an active part of his recovery) and understand that my husband is a "dry drunk" and/or is in "white knuckle sobriety". I need help understanding and dealing with the situations and emotions on my end. I want to do the right thing for both of us, but I understand I can't "fix" him, only me. I asked for him to enter a 90 day inpatient rehab (and I think his doctor believes it to be a good move as well ... But he is dealing with my husband delicately as to not "scare" him off), and got an emphatic "I will not do that!! I am doing just fine!!" from my husband. His seeing a psychologist 3-4 times a month and now his AA visits (at his convenience only) I just don't think are enough (for me or for him)!! At least a 90 day program would give him access to 90 consecutive days of individual therapy, group therapy and meetings. I believe it would remove him from his comfort zone and allow him to work 100% on his recovery. He has other plans, one of them is coming home quickly, which is not an option at this time. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand I dearly love my husband and want him home, but his drinking did a lot of damage to our relationship and the family that he left behind. So ... Welcome to my dilemma Any advice would be welcomed!!

Dee74

Welcome lilrdh

Unfortunately if you're husband doesn't want to do anything much, then he won't do it - you're going to have to work out how you feel about that, and what the correct response would be for you. I think you've made some good decisions for yourself so far

Fortunately - there's a ton of support & understanding here

I'd also recommend you take a look at our Family and Friends forum too

It's great to have you here

D

lilrdh

My husband thinks that just because he put down the vodka bottle, sees someone every 10 days for therapy and goes to a few meetings that he is "fine" ... But he is NOT fine (as is evident in Friday's episode). I know I'm a strong person in all things except where my husband is concerned. I do not know how to respond now. My boundary was letting him know he is not making progress and is not coming home. But what now? I have no response ... Again, lost and confused. But I thank you, Dee74, for your response and encouragement!! I believe, hard as it is, that I must give it to God and let His plan find its way. And even though it's not in MY time, everything always happens for a reason