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Old 11-24-2013, 03:04 PM
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My turn

Well I don't want to admit it but I'm surely here for a reason. After perusing this site all week I am now finishing day 6 of so of sobriety - the first six days in a row I can remember in maybe 25 years. I went from being the life of the party and loving to drink (I used to joke the only problem I ever had with alcohol is when it wasn't readily available) to sneaking vodka shots at home after everyone went to bed or even when my wife and kids were in the next room. Every day was an excuse to open a bottle of wine or have a beer or 15. Today is the worst so far - football Sunday always meant a 12 pack or more.

But I'm sick of the drinking that only gets me sorta drunk and the shaking, dry heaving anxiety that marks the mornings. So here I am. I can't possibly imagine never drinking again - my whole social life revolves around it. But it sure did feel good this weekend not drinking.

So we shall see how this goes. Thanks to all for letting me vent and I look forward to coming here for support as I struggle through.
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Old 11-24-2013, 03:05 PM
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Don't try to imagine not drinking forever, just don't drink today. Before you know it you'll have a lot of sober days piled up and will feel so much better.
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Old 11-24-2013, 03:10 PM
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Great advice from least!

Massive welcome to you - think how great you will feel on Monday morning with no dry heaves, headache etc etc
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Old 11-24-2013, 03:12 PM
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I can't think of anyone I've met in recovery who says that right from the start they were convinced that what they really wanted was to be completely abstinent for ever. It doesn't work like that, so don't worry about it.

But it's also worth flipping it over and thinking about it the other way - that you don't need to suffer the bad consequences of drinking again in the future. You have identified a few - shaking, dry heaving, anxiety, telling lies to your family and your children.

I expect you could expand that list, if you're brave enough to face the facts. Furthermore, I expect you could also identify what an alcoholic in an even worse state than you are now would be like.

Many people here regard it as a progressive condition. That's why we're giving sobriety a shot, a day at a time. This website is one of the primary means we use to support one another but as you'll see as you read on, each one of us has our individual approach and there's no perfect way of doing things.
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Old 11-24-2013, 03:13 PM
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welcome JustOne

D
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Old 11-24-2013, 03:21 PM
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Welcome!

One day at a time...
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Old 11-24-2013, 03:43 PM
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Thanks to all for the warm welcome. I surely could admit to even more issues that are tied to booze. But I'm so torn. I'm happy to be trying this. I'm happy to be sober today. But I can't help thinking down the road. Thanksgiving, football games, Xmas, New Years, guys trips, normal weekends, happy hours, etc. etc. ad nauseum (literally). It's been what I do. I am making a conscious effort this week, with success. But the devil on my shoulder wants to have "fun." So this is good and it sucks at the same time!
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Old 11-24-2013, 03:53 PM
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Pleased to meet you JustOne. I was the same sort of drinker, and I relate.

I could never imagine my life without alcohol. It had once been so much fun & a nice break from reality - but over the years I became dependent on it. In the end I was drinking all day. The euphoria I once felt after having a few was gone. My life revolved around it and I was tired of being numb & foggy. I wish I hadn't wasted so many years insisting I could use willpower to be a social drinker. It never worked for me. I'm glad you joined us! You are not alone.
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Old 11-24-2013, 04:59 PM
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JustOne

Welcome to SR. Least says it best, dont think about tomorrow. Just focus on not drinking today or now. The days will accumulate and you will gradually get better physically and mentally as time goes on. If you really want to stop drinking, then it would be advisable if you have a recovery plan. Reach out for support like here or AA.

Stay strong, connected and sober !
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Old 11-24-2013, 09:46 PM
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Thanks again. It seems overwhelming. And while most of me wants this, a good portion doesn't. Not sure what that means... Waking up fresh is a great feeling I must admit! But I already miss the party...:
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Old 11-25-2013, 12:35 AM
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Originally Posted by JustOne View Post
Thanks again. It seems overwhelming. And while most of me wants this, a good portion doesn't. Not sure what that means... Waking up fresh is a great feeling I must admit! But I already miss the party...:
Part of the deal for me was not imagining doing in the future what I would have previously done. In that way you set yourself up to feel deprived.

Work on today. Just today and today alone. Don't imagine anything in the future - in fact you're not seeing the future, you're remembering the past, and the past contains information about a way you have behaved that you don't like, so your mind (or at least a part of it some of us call the AV) will allow you to forget that bit and only recall what it wants you to remember.

Work on today. No dry heaves, no anxiety, no lying. For me the money is important too - for every day that I have not bought wine I have put that cash aside. I have quite a bit now... But I digress.....

By the time a party comes around for real, not an imagined one, an actual one, you are then allowed to make a decision about what to do. Do you attend? And if so what will you take to drink?

Me? At the moment I'm saying no to nights out and parties and seeking out friends who don't drink when I want company.

You can do this, it's so worth it. x
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Old 11-25-2013, 02:27 AM
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The long term thing is something that you just have to trust people on when they say that it'll sort itself out and not let it add to early abstenance hiccoughs ! As time goes on you just build more sober things and as you realise you are no longer a prisoner of the drink you will know how much you don't want to risk all the things you've gained.
Right now keep going and accept help from everyone your Dr is a great place for help and they really will help in early days and support in the long term after all it's helping them too.
John.
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Old 11-25-2013, 06:19 PM
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Well about to make a full week for the first time in years and years. I feel good and I hate it at the same time. Can't help thinking more than "one day at a time." Am I really ever not going to do what I have done and enjoyed (mostly) forever? Seems both impossible and unwanted. Yet I also know why I am trying - drinking vodka out of the bottle when no one is looking or at 10 am is not in any way normal. I should have used "rock and a hard place" as my screen name. Uggghhhb.
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